To be paranoid about my Facebook stalking

[Wellywanging]

Yikes, I was searching for a work client on Facebook who I have never met in person but been on zoom calls with. I have a bit of an innocent crush on him (I'm married, would not act on it) so was looking at his pics for a bit of entertainment (I'm sure we've all been there). But a week or so later I get a notification via email from Facebook of him as a suggested friend. So the question is, would he have also received the same thing but suggesting me as a friend? Or are these suggestions one way only? I have very distinctive name so he will know it's me straight away and might suspect I'd been stalking him. This would be embarrassing and unprofessional. Help.

Watching with interest 👀

I think it suggests people you have looked at as a friend sometimes. If you got suggested to them, they would probably just think it's an algorithm rather than you stalking them, I would think.

When I get one of those email recommendations I assume it’s because we have a mutual friend, not that someone has been stalking my profile. Hopefully he will think the same!

But wouldn't it show if we have a mutual friend? We don't. We don't have any connections, not even geographical although there's a chance I will have to meet him in future in person. 😳

No, it won't recommend you to him because you've been looking at his profile. It will recommend him to you, because you're the one that's been doing the searching. If he does get a recommendation to follow you, it will for another reason, like if you have mutual friends or something.

I really hope this is the case. Can anyone else confirm this?

It might depend on whether you have socials in common elsewhere. Remember, nothing is truly private, and Google is watching..... I have FB suggestions for the people I work with. I have them as current colleagues on LinkedIn, but nothing else. I don't "friend" colleagues on FB and have never actively searched them out. Who knows what the FB algorithm will put on his suggestions.

Do you have his number in your phone or are your places of work on Facebook

I think it will possibly suggest you to him.
A couple of weeks ago a woman was in my ‘you might know’ people who popped up. Initially I thought who on earth is that? Didn’t recognise the name and surname. But I did recognise the first name and realised after a while it’s my second cousin (who I see once every 10 years at a funeral - literally). We have no mutual friends as she’s on the totally other side of the relatives so the only explanation is that she’s been looking for me on fb I would think.

To be honest I’ve no idea how it works.

I remember once going out to an Indian restaurant with my dp and a few days later the waiter/manager came up as a friend suggestion.

i had never searched for him on any platform (including Facebook) in any capacity ever, I didn’t even know his name to search.

Infact I only realised it was him when I noticed the name of the restaurant appeared next to his name and picture. I thought it could have been the restaurant that caused it but then I realised it had been dp who had booked it so I’d never searched it either!

very odd! But I did think carefully about who I would look at on Facebook after that just because it highlighted that I had no idea how the algorithm worked!

I don’t know exactly how it works but I do know I get suggestions to befriend people I’ve spoken to years ago on WhatsApp (e.g. from dating apps) without me ever looking at their profile. So it pulls random info from somewhere and he would probably think it’s because you have his number/have emailed him/Googled his company/looked at his LinkedIn (or he’s done the same to you)

Pretty sure this is how it works. Youve been looking at him, facebook knows this and also knows you arent friends, so it throws you the suggestion. Ive no idea if it throws them the same suggestion but i sincerely doubt it as they know people use if for stalking and the last thing they want is people closing their accounts.

No

There’s still no way anyone could know you are stalking. Facebook would lose WAY to many users if this was the case.

We had some social media training at work years ago and this exact thing was mentioned. The speaker told us that if you look at someone's profile on 2 or 3 occasions, then you will be recommended as a suggested friend! We were all mortified as had probably all done our fair share of stalking. Since then, I have seen names pop up that I recognise but have no mutual facebook friends so now assume they have been peeping at my profile!

That would be because your phones were very close in location, and Facebook looks at that and asks if you know them.

I have Facebook but rarely use it. Certainly don't go searching for people.

I frequently get friend suggestions for people I have never heard of. Some I know, some I don't. I absolutely have not searched for them and I find it highly unlikely they have searched for me.

I don't know how the algorithm works, but it's more than just actual searches or having friends in common as I have no Facebook friends either.

I’ve had a couple of people I barely know suggested to me recently, because I’d exchanged one or two WhatsApp messages with them.

Does that work even if you have your location service turned off? And don’t have Facebook on your phone?

I turn location services off as soon as I set up a phone when I get a new one. Iv never had Facebook on my phone either.

im not doubting you obviously just musing.

Argh this was my greatest fear

My recommended friends are people I have friends in common with, people whose profiles I have looked at, and people whose phone numbers I have saved in my phone. So I do occasionally get work colleagues/clients I don't know socially, and my elderly neighbour's daughter comes up as a suggestion because I have her number saved for emergencies. I doubt whether the people whose profiles I've looked at get me as a suggestion, purely because I think Facebook stalking is quite common and I would expect to see some people who don't fall into any of those three categories if people who had looked at my profile were recommended to me.

Yeah, I can.

This is absolutely how it works. Promise.

(I’ve worked at Facebook, and still work closely with them).

I never comment on mums net posts but feel compelled to comment on this one because Facebook does absolutely suggest you as a friend if you look at someone’s profile . I know this for a fact after I snooped at someone’s I really shouldn’t have and they blocked me and then changed their name on Facebook ! Mortified ! Please don’t look anyone up if you don’t want them to know . I never look up anyone now like work colleagues bosses etc - was actually very cross when I realised Facebook had notified them . You will also sit right at the very top of their suggested friends list for ages ! I would suggest you block them and at least it will stop you from coming up again and maybe if you’re lucky they have not noticed but I doubt it . Facebook wants them to know

I think one way to stop this from happening is set your self to only friends of friends can add you as a friend . I’ve never seen someone with just a message rather than add friend come up in my list before . It’s put me right off Facebook to be honest and I don’t really use it now .

This is absolutely true. I have met people for the first time, strangers with absolutely no connection to me or my friends, who have then suddenly appeared at the top of my 'people you might know' list.