To be paranoid about my Facebook stalking

[Wellywanging]

Yikes, I was searching for a work client on Facebook who I have never met in person but been on zoom calls with. I have a bit of an innocent crush on him (I'm married, would not act on it) so was looking at his pics for a bit of entertainment (I'm sure we've all been there). But a week or so later I get a notification via email from Facebook of him as a suggested friend. So the question is, would he have also received the same thing but suggesting me as a friend? Or are these suggestions one way only? I have very distinctive name so he will know it's me straight away and might suspect I'd been stalking him. This would be embarrassing and unprofessional. Help.

OP, stop being paranoid. It won't suggest you as a friend to them. Only them as a friend to you.

Sorry yes I have had the experience of being suggested someone I know from work who I have never searched for and don't have on my personal phone, no mutual friends. So I think they searched for me.

Yes this. If you look at somebody's profile then you appear on that list. It's not worth it, especially with clients or in fact anybody that you wouldn't want to know that you've been looking at them.

I'm not a curious person so I don't do this but I can imagine how you feel. Just know that your 'stalking' does leave a footprint in that you appear on the people you may know list. It's not nearly as anonymous as people think it is.

Have you got his mobile number on your phone? I get all sorts of clients come up on my 'people you may know' and I haven't stalked them... so I've always put it down to mobile numbers!

It's the same with LinkedIn. I know who's been checking my profile because they appear on a 'people you may know' or suggested contacts list. It's a bit creepy.

Sorry to say, but I’m pretty sure it does suggest you to them also. I’ve got a fairly decent social media following for my business, and I get suggested people who follow me on there that I recognise from them commenting on Instagram posts! Remove him from your suggested friends and hopefully it would do the same on his end.

I'm a closet FaceyB stalker, looking up ex boyfriends, women who were bitches to me in the 80s etc, I was mortified when a couple of them came up as ",people you may know"
Yikes!! Not seen these people for 40 plus years and married now so they wouldn't know who I am 🤣🤣

Am I the only one who doesn't give a toss about this? If people have their profiles public then of course people are going to have a nose. The option to make it private is there if you're bothered. I think it's really weird that this is called stalking. Stalking is very, very different.

Although there's no hard proof I also think that you will likely appear to a suggested friend to them. My partner told his brother that we were dating. The next thing I know his brother is being suggested as a FB friend to me. I had no other connection to him and I think it's extremely likely that he would have looked me up.

OP, think about it. It's in FB's interest to gain the widest membership possible. To only suggest 'people you know' to the person who was looking, wouldn't achieve that. To suggest to both parties, would.

It's FB, social media. They're not in the business of protecting clientele from 'stalking'/enthusiastic checking up on. Bear that in mind.

I keep getting someone recommended to me and I'm 100% sure it's because he looked me up. We're very tenuously connected, no friends in common, I've never searched for him. I didn't even know his name until I recognised his photo. We saw each other for the last time, he said goodbye and tried to give me a lot of unwanted advice on something. The next day he was recommended to me as a friend. So I'm sorry OP, but I do think there's a good chance the guy you looked up will now be getting you as a suggestion. He might not notice though!

I thought it didn't go both ways, but I was enquiring about electric car leasing a little while ago.

Then the person I'd been emailing popped up as a fb suggestion - I've absolutely never searched him, the company is miles away and we have nothing in common. At a reach I guess he could have signed up for Facebook using his work email address but would anyone do that in this day and age?

Really odd.

No, I don't either! The algorithm tries so hard to find people you might connect with, its suggestions are 99% meaningless. Could be someone who's a member of an FB group whose posts you have clicked on (not joined), people who commented on an Instagram post made by someone you know, randoms who like the same things as you ... any tenuous link will do! Remember Meta owns Insta, Threads and WhatsApp so will include connections-of-connections from those apps too.

TLDR: Yes, it will probably suggest you to him at some point, but he won't know you've been ogling him. He might think you shared a short-lived interest in shoe polishing techniques or something 😄

Yeah, unfortunalely, either Facebook are not honest about this, or they have no control over the algorithm to prevent it from happening, because it absolutely does happen.

I have had people who I purposely don't have on Facebook turn up as suggested friends on a new profile I had (after my old one was hacked) with only a tiny handful of friends (none related to that part of my life).

The only connection we possibly could have had was them having looked at my profile.

I had to snoop on one person's profile once in the old days several years ago, to check whether they were planning to attend a local event I wanted to go to but absolutely did not want to run into them there. My solution, as even back then I suspected it would suggest you, was to block them as soon as I had snooped, so FB never got the chance to suggest me 😅

Maybe he was looking for you!!

If you don't want him to know, go to his profile and block him. He won't see your profile again

You need to be very careful because if you accidentally end up liking one of his ancient photos by reflex he will immediately know you are digging

People can come up if they’re in your contacts so if you have his number or email address it’s probably from that.

I do some private tutoring, and FB quite often seems to suggest the parents as "people you might know", despite the only link being that we have each others phone numbers.

I work in healthcare and often have patients as suggested friends, my fb name is not my actual name so would be difficult for patients to search for me so I assume it’s due to our phones being in close proximity at appointments. It’s unsettling though 🫣

I think the recommendation algorithm has changed. I had 2 fbook recommendations to connect to as friends. Both from my work, I have never looked at either of them, nor searched for them, on social media. It must be phone or email contacts in my view

Yep if you look at people it will suggest you to them.

This is true. But the first people think when they get a friend suggestion is that people have been looking at their profile.

If you stalk then block afterwards for a bit.

I think a lot of these can be explained by location. If you are in close proximity, geographically, with someone then they are more likely to be suggested to you. It explains why you can bump into someone and they are suggested or why a work colleague is suggested after seeing them in the office.

Everything I've read online insists Facebook do not do this. I wouldn't trust it 100% but I don't think it's always that they've stalked you.

It's because your phones were near eachother. I work in the North and visit my London colleagues every quarter. They then come up as suggested friends.

It suggests you as a friend to him if you’ve been looking at his profile, absolutely.