To think I did nothing wrong?

[starostaa]

Friend introduced me to two of her friends around 6 years ago and we’ve done loads of things as a four since then, I’d consider them friends and not “friend of a friend”.

I had a spare ticket to a gig last week and I invited one of them as I didn’t want to go alone and I knew she liked that music.

Original friend has messaged to say she’s upset. She doesn’t even like the band (don’t think she dislikes them but) and said I should have asked her first.

Shes jealous

I can see why she’s upset to be honest, I think I would be.

After 6 years?! No. YANBU. If you had just met them then sure but if you've all been hanging around for 6 years then I dont think you've done anything wrong.

No you haven't done anything wrong. Especially not after 6 years! If you'd only known them a few months or so then I'd get it, but she sounds jealous that her friends are now your friends too without the need for her to always be there.

I never understand why people gatekeep friendships. You’re a friend of this newer friend in your own right and you know she likes the music, it’s that simple. Your other friend is being unreasonable unfortunately. She’s not lost anything by you going to the gig with someone else. Might be different if it was her favourite band or if you had turned down spending some pre-arranged time with her in order to go with the gig with someone else. But you didn’t and she needs to be less jealous.

Why?

Even if you would be upset it still doesn’t mean OP has done anything wrong

You did nothing wrong, but some people are weird like that and like to control everyone else's relationships with each other.

She has no ability to control your relationship with a mutual friend, and that lack of control clearly pisses her off.

She is being ridiculous if she is expecting you to adhere to some kind of friendship hierarchy which only exists in her head.

That's unreasonable though. People can be friends with who they want. I have a group of friends and sometimes we do stuff without each other, my 2 best friends went to see strictly without inviting me, I don't watch strictly and they know I'd have no interest in going so it didn't bother me at all.

After six years??

Why on earth? Because 'YOU WERE MY FRIEND FIRST AND I GET FIRST DIBS ON TICKETS TO BANDS I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE'?

I think you were not being unreasonable but it's also a little understandable if Original Friend is feeling a bit upset/left out. Nobody is in the wrong really, just a different view of the same situation. I'd just say sorry that she was upset and explain it wasn't your intention and you thought xx band was more New Friend's vibe than Original Friend's. Then I'd just carry on as you were really.

Sometimes people just need a bit of understanding and validation and then they'll go "oh, sorry, I was being a bit sensitive!". Only you know if Original Friend will take that attitude though. If she is the type to feel vindicated by the apology and become more controlling then I'd approach it differently. I'm assuming Original Friend is generally a nice, balanced person and this is a bit out of character.

She doesn't even like the band? Why would she want to be invited? It would be like my friends inviting me to a bread tasting session (I'm gluten intolerant) I would actually be slightly hurt that they forgot how ill it makes me so maybe that isn't the best example 😅

The OP didn’t know if the OG friend would want to go or not, I think that etiquette would say you ask your longest friend first especially as she introduced the other friends.

Just putting forward a point of view, no need for the pile on!

@Coconutter24 I didnt say that she had.

You haven’t done anything wrong, but in the interest of peacekeeping I’d be tempted to say “oh I’m sorry you’re upset, I didn’t think you’d even want to go as you don’t like X band and friend obviously really does”

and then leave it at that, you haven’t got to apologise for taking other friend but you are acknowledging that og friend is feeling a bit sensitive over it all.
Ultimately this is her insecurity, not your behaviour

No one has been left out. There’s 4 in the group and I asked 1 out of 3. I’d never leave just one person out.

It also involved travelling 2.5 hours which I wouldn’t do if it was a band I didn’t care about seeing.

You're that friend.

I would get it if op had invited all the friends except original friend therefore excluding original friend from group but surely after 6 years it’s ok to have some individual time with another member of the friendship group who shares an interest that original friend doesn’t.

just because she’s a newer friend doesn’t make her not a friend even if O.F was the one to introduce them. It doesn’t make the original friendship any less important.

What etiquette is that? 😂

I don’t determine friendship based on how many years I’ve known them.

I have an absolute best friend (completely different person outside the group that only I know) in my life that I didn’t bother asking as I knew for many reasons she’d say no.

I asked someone I knew would get genuine enjoyment out of it.

You've done nothing wrong.
If you'd invited both of the others & not OG friend, I could see why she'd feel a bit left out but definitely not when it was a last minute thing with one mutual friend who actually likes the band.

She wasn't necessarily being unreasonable to feel how she feels - but she is unreasonable not to take a deep breath, realise she's acting like a 13yo and let it go.

Just message her..
Omg friend you are 'insert her age here' not 12....
As you were.. Don't start pandering to such a ridiculous woman. You have not done anything..

I know you didn’t say op had done anything wrong just pointing out that they haven’t. Just because someone is upset, that’s not on OP, of course everyone is entitled to feel how they do but in this situation OP doesn’t have to feel bad for someone being upset