AIBU to resent my child?

[hotcheeto]

I know I am being unreasonable. I know it isn't his fault. I know it's probably my failing as a parent somehow. I love the happy moments, which are rare. I try so hard to cherish our time together while he is small. I do not regret having a child. I just wish the child I was so blessed to have was easier.

He is only 15 months old, still a baby really. He doesn't sleep. He won't eat solid food. He has millions of teeth. He demands milk and won't take it from anything other than a baby bottle. If I try and limit milk, he wakes up screaming all night long because he is so hungry. He doesn't walk and won't hold my hand to steady himself to even try. I dread every meal time. I dread bedtime because I know it will be an hours long struggle. I secretly dread the morning, afternoon, and evening if we are alone together because every day is so long and lonely, even when we are around friends and family. The tantrums, dear God, they're merciless. I hate being with other mothers with children of the same age. Everyone seems to have it figured out but me.

I feel isolated, tired, constantly ill, deficient in everything despite being on supplements and drinking immunity yoghurt drinks every day. I feel like a terrible mother and a shit person. He's draining the life from me and my relationship with his dad (we are together) is broken. We were so happy before.

I love my child insurmountably but I can't help but feel resentment too. He himself is not deficient in anything and doctors have no concerns. We've done all that, more than once. I hate myself for feeling this way.

Op, not everyone is cut out to be a sahm as such, maybe it’s time to go back to work?

Do you have a health visitor you could chat with? They may have ideas on getting him to eat better and things like that. But yeah, maybe rethink the whole sahm thing if it isn't making you happy, it really isn't for everyone and you are important too 💐

Ok, I think you have to be a bit tougher.
Food - he doesn’t get a choice. Give him healthy food and walk away leaving him in a safe high chair. Cut right down on milk. Leave him for a reasonable amount of time and once he starts playing with the food (probably after 15/20’mins) get him out with an “all done sweetie” and move onto the next task. Their food needs drop off significantly after 12 months and he will soon learn that this is all there is and he will eat.

Walking - that’s fine - does he have plenty of opportunity to cruise, climb, crawl? Parks, soft play, garden etc. No healthy adults are not walking so just give him the time and space to practice.

Tantrums - yes, it’s hard. He’s probably frustrated - imagine being rubbish at everything! That’s how he feels. Empathise with him “I can see you’re frustrated that the bricks fell down” “I can see you’re frustrated that you can’t tell me exactly what you want” etc. Again, better language over time will help with this. Just try to stay as calm as possible and sometimes scream into a pillow.

I had a tricky, stubborn and frustrated child. He is now 13 and an absolute darling. He’s bright and picks things up easily and still finds it frustrating if he can’t do things straight away!

Oh and get out and about - playgroups, swimming, music groups. I found parenting a small child so much easier with a tea in my hand and a friend to talk to - preferably a lovely one who is understanding about tantrums and things.

I’m sorry, this sounds really hard.

Does he literally eat no solid food or it’s just difficult? When the doctor says he’s fine, have they done bloods to check? Because if he’s just drinking milk he could well be iron deficient which can have an impact on behaviour.

Do you work? If not return to working so you get a break. Where is the dad? are you a lone parent?

also, will have only have milk and absolutely no solids?

Do you have many mum friends? I found that a couple of adults with a group of dc was far, far more tolerable that being alone with my dc. Having a routine helped too.

What leisure time do you have? Is your partner (if you have one) pulling their weight?

Not sleeping is so hard, it's torture. Everything looks brighter once you get some sleep, which will happen.

I’d second that it sounds like being a SAHM isn’t for you, which isn’t a problem. It’s the case for a lot of people. Go back to work/go to work, and use childcare.

Then when you are together; make the most of parks/classes/clubs/groups. It’s easier in crowds out of the house; honestly.

What part of her being with the dad was hard to understand,,

Agree, I couldn’t have done it. And it must be miserable for the child as well. No way the op can hide this. It’s not fair on either of them.

so op, get back to work, there is no shame in it, it will be the best thing for all of you.

Third all of this. Working means everything with the baby will become a bit less frustrating.

Also, give it time, don't feel he has to rush through stages. None of mine were anywhere near walking at 15 months, all totally physically adept several years later!

Also if you can't go back to work immediately or at all, then he can have Saturdays with his dad so you can have some time for you.

That sounds so tough. Can you explain more of what a regular day looks like to you? My HV was helpful when my then 15 month old wasn't sleeping, are you in contact with your HV?

Sorry it's so rough for you.

Shoot me, I missed that bit!!

I'm sorry to post a rant and not reply. I'll reply later tonight.

As others have posted sounds like the 24/7 grind of SAHM might be wearing you down.

also so children do better with nursery as seeing other children progress and doing things encourages them to try/mirror outside of the parent/child relationship.

especially if feeling frustrated and knowing that if they tantrum enough they can get what they want.

persevere with the food, he won’t starve. A little walking trolley that he could pull himself up on might be a way to encourage his progress in walking.

be kind to yourself, figuring it out isn’t always easy.

Also a little mushed up banana and just a bit on your finger and swipe it on his mouth.

it’s a bit rogue but I’ve found can work with refusers. They might spit it out but get intrigued by the taste.

the old mmmm look what mummy’s eating, do you want to try?

I had twins. They were bloody hard work.

My recommendations:
Get out at least once a day if you can.

If possible try to make some friends or at least mums at the same stage you can whinge together with.

Mine didn't walk until 18 months.

It's pretty shit looking after small children to be honest, they are hard work and give very little back.

Sounds really tough and to add none of us have our shit together and generally wing it each day. Those that say they have are telling porkies.

Break it down a little. In regards to the milk he really now needs to be attempting solids. Can you strap him into the highchair? Put what you are eating in front of him. Make meal times fun but take the pressure of getting him to try something. If he refuses it don't make a drama out of it, just take him out of the chair at the end of the meal. Basically get him used to the idea of it's a mealtime here's what we are eating. Perhaps use some fun cookie cutters and make him dinosaur sandwich or hearts. Put little bits on his tray so he isn't overwhelmed i.e one cooked carrot stick, one potato etc. If he eats it then you can offer more. I would also possibly increase the time between milk and mealtimes so that he has an appetite. I wouldn't cut the last milk feed down if he's waking up in the night until he's actually eating food.

The tantrums, what do you think are causing them? Does he want to try things himself? Perhaps some autonomy of helping put his clean nappy on or help put his drinks bottle in the bag before you go out. Sometimes they get frustrated at this age when they want to do things but can't verbalise it. The tantrums are normal though and it does totally throw you out when your calm obliging child suddenly becomes this angry red faced monster.

If you can is going back to work an option? If not hold in there, you aren't long off getting some free hours and then you'll be able to have time to feel more like yourself.

Will he not eat food if you let him feed himself with finger food? Mine had milk in a bottle until they were two but mostly at bedtime.

The best thing is to be relaxed about mealtimes and milestones. He hasn't read the baby books.

You are not failing. No mum has it all figured out. I'd take a few days and reduce the milk. It'll be hard tantruming galore but in a few days time he'll probably eat more.

Don't be so hard on yourself op, we've all been there. There's some good advice here. Do you have any support from friends or family? I would definitely suggest getting him into nursery a day or two, I found both mine really ate better there as they were in a different environment and coping the other babies.

Both my children were incredibly hard to wean. The eldest would eat only about 4 things when he was finally coaxed to eat stuff. The youngest was very slow to eat solids as well. We tried all sorts of things to try to get them to eat. The eldest as an adult is a wide ranging vegetarian and the youngest is a keen carnivore who now eats a very wide range of food. I still remember trying to pass off custard as Tubby Custard when one was a keen watcher of the Teletubby television show. Strangely, the one childhood thing thst persisted into adulthood was a hatred of raw tomatoes and one still hates strawberries and the other adores them. Try not to stress too much about it and think gradual steps. Keep trying tiny amounts of food and they hopefully find something they like. Vary the textures too as that can be as important as taste. Apparently as a baby I was very difficult to wean too.

Be careful what you wish for too. My children could sprint - and I mean sprint -at about 11 months old. It is a nightmare because they are super mobile and have no sense. No, they didn't turn out superb athletes or anything and it is just a thing in their dad's family. We found one of them at about one climbing up a step ladder. A friend had a similar child who she found scaling up a chimney - luckily she saw his feet poking out - and wrenched him and a large amount of soot down.

In some ways this is a bit of a worst of both worlds age, they are no longer a potentially placid and easily pleased baby but they still can't do much for themselves. I don't blame you for feeling burnt out by it and I hope this stage passes soon because in real life you can't treasure every moment.