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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Teenage daughter being disrespectful?

67 replies

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 11:29

DD is 15, she gets dropped off and picked up from school most days, she can get the bus and train home if needs be but I usually pick her up, she has had to make her own way home maybe twice this year if I have been working but gets dropped off every morning regardless.

I usually drop her off at school but sometimes my OH will for me if I have to be in work early or have a call I need to be back for. My issue is that my DD pulls a face every time he is taking her, I have asked her why and her response is that I drop her off at the gate but he drops her off at the top of the road and she has to walk down, I'm literally talking a 2 minute walk if that and the reason is all the buses stop on this road so it can become really congested with traffic.

AIBU to find this really disrespectful? Yes she would prefer I took her but sometimes that's not possible so I have made alternative arrangements so she can still be taken to school, the alternative is that I drop her off at the bus stop on my way into work which would mean that she would have to leave the house 30 minutes before we usually do. I've told her this is her other option but she doesn't want to do that either.

I'm finding her really hard work and negative at the moment and it just feels like all's she does is complain all the time. I tried to have a conversation with her the other day about school and what she wanted to do after she finished and she said she doesn't want to work, she hates people, I'm just at a loss with her lately. I know this is a difficult age but I still expect manners and respect.

OP posts:
longdistanceclaraclara · 20/06/2024 11:58

Id stop dropping her full stop.

Chocolateorange22 · 20/06/2024 12:00

Honestly I wouldn't engage in conversation and just keep repeating "either your dad drops you off where he wants or you get the bus they are your options" She has a right to be unhappy about it but nothing you'll ever say will change her mind on it.

Hinkuy · 20/06/2024 12:01

Shea a teenager - I think what you've described is very mild and I'm surprised you've felt the need to make a thread about it. I wouldn't even give this a second thought and just say 'well that's what's happening so get used to it' and move on.

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 12:02

I am debating only taking her from now and letting her make her own way home but didn't know if I was being unreasonable doing this.

OP posts:
TeenagersAngst · 20/06/2024 12:02

If all she does is 'pull a face', I'm not sure there's an actual problem. She's a teenager. Pulling faces is part of the job description.

Indigococo84 · 20/06/2024 12:03

Yes I’d tell her to walk. My younger two are 17 and 18 and they’re really great teenagers , kind and respectful but I did find 15/16 to be the worst age for sulking and generally being moody. They’re past it now thankfully . I just don’t have the patience for it!

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 12:03

Hinkuy · 20/06/2024 12:01

Shea a teenager - I think what you've described is very mild and I'm surprised you've felt the need to make a thread about it. I wouldn't even give this a second thought and just say 'well that's what's happening so get used to it' and move on.

I suppose I'm just finding her hard work and its wearing me down and I don't know what to do about it.

OP posts:
ThisNaiceLemonSloth · 20/06/2024 12:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

SuuzeeeQ · 20/06/2024 12:04

Sounds like a normal teenager to me.

Aussierose2 · 20/06/2024 12:05

It's not about the small walk she wants to spend time and connect with you but she's a teenager so she won't be able to tell you that

stayathomer · 20/06/2024 12:06

I think this seems very mild op, do you remember that age? I’m pretty sure I eye rolled a lot and I would have been quiet!! And to be fair it does sound like a bit of an irritating spot to be dropped off at, I don’t think it’s any disrespect to your oh

Hinkuy · 20/06/2024 12:07

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 12:03

I suppose I'm just finding her hard work and its wearing me down and I don't know what to do about it.

Ignore most of it - rolling of eyes, sighing, making faces etc. It's just teenage behaviour it doesn't mean she's deliberately being difficult or rude.

Hinkuy · 20/06/2024 12:08

Aussierose2 · 20/06/2024 12:05

It's not about the small walk she wants to spend time and connect with you but she's a teenager so she won't be able to tell you that

This too. She just wants you to take her not that she doesn't want him to. Good shout.

MissUltraViolet · 20/06/2024 12:09

My 12 year old DD is way more of a little madam than this! I would love to just deal with face pulling lol. Try to cut her some slack, she honestly doesn't sound bad at all.

Ignore her little grumps. Give her two choices, she picks one, done.

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 12:09

Aussierose2 · 20/06/2024 12:05

It's not about the small walk she wants to spend time and connect with you but she's a teenager so she won't be able to tell you that

I would like to believe that was true but she gets in the car with me and puts her air pods in and spends the time texting her friends, I try to talk to her and get one word answers so I know its not that.

OP posts:
Onceinawhilesaidi · 20/06/2024 12:10

Omg why are you treating her as though she has no legs. Stop babying her. She should be making her own way to and from school. How the hell is she going to function as an adult if you keep infantilising her.

sanogo · 20/06/2024 12:12

You've raised an entitled, lazy, spoilt brat

whatfornow · 20/06/2024 12:14

Onceinawhilesaidi · 20/06/2024 12:10

Omg why are you treating her as though she has no legs. Stop babying her. She should be making her own way to and from school. How the hell is she going to function as an adult if you keep infantilising her.

well to be honest this is my issue, the moaning because she has to walk for 2 minutes down a road, I just think its entitled and lacks any gratitude for all the lifts she gets to school.

OP posts:
DillyTin · 20/06/2024 12:18

She is being ridiculous and you're allowing it giving her multiple options. You're the adult, she doesn't get to call the shots. She's lucky she gets a lift, mine gets dropped off each day but if she complained about a 2 min walk she could find her own way there.

ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo · 20/06/2024 12:26

Lacking gratitude for any lifts isn’t on.

expressing a bit of displeasure because you will have to walk further, isn’t a massive deal imo. Especially in the scheme of things.

She has a fairly easy ride of it, but feels put out when it’s a bit harder. Think that’s fairly normal. Plenty of people feel a bit put out and also know they are unreasonable.

Just say to her ‘if you don’t want him to take you, you can get yourself there instead’, she will soon realise she is being daft.

Not everything needs to be a battle.

The only other thing I would say is how does she get in generally with your OH, normally? I assume she isn’t his as you call him your OH and say he drops her off for you.

Could she feel a bit weird about her mums boyfriend driving her to school and but she is saying it’s the walk instead?

ActualChips · 20/06/2024 12:32

@ShouldhavebeencalledAppollo that's what I thought, too. I hated having to be around my mother's boyfriends, especially as a teenager.

BeeCucumber · 20/06/2024 12:38

She is being a typical teenager. Smile and nod.

Penguinfeet24 · 20/06/2024 12:43

Its simple teenage lazyitis - you normally take her, she's comfortable with that. If you don't take her then she has to go to all that effort to walk 2 more minutes, the tragedy! Depending on where you live, how easy it is to get to school, I'd let her get herself there and back at 15, not to punish her and show her she should be grateful (although that is a bonus) but at that age she does need to know how to go about getting places without help or she'll have a nightmare when she has to.

Testina · 20/06/2024 12:59

I’d just laugh and say, “you can roll your eyes all you like missy, but it’s the 2 minute walk or the bus - and you might find the 2 minute walk option disappears if you’re rude about that.”
Then move on.
I couldn’t get too bothered about a 15yo not knowing their life plan though.
It’s a difficult age!

Vizella · 20/06/2024 13:00

BeeCucumber · 20/06/2024 12:38

She is being a typical teenager. Smile and nod.

Why should OP be treated like a complete mug by her own daughter who has it so easy and yet does nothing but complain?

If that was me, I would let her make her own way to school from the age of 11 onwards by taking public transport.