Teenage daughter being disrespectful?

[whatfornow]

DD is 15, she gets dropped off and picked up from school most days, she can get the bus and train home if needs be but I usually pick her up, she has had to make her own way home maybe twice this year if I have been working but gets dropped off every morning regardless.

I usually drop her off at school but sometimes my OH will for me if I have to be in work early or have a call I need to be back for. My issue is that my DD pulls a face every time he is taking her, I have asked her why and her response is that I drop her off at the gate but he drops her off at the top of the road and she has to walk down, I'm literally talking a 2 minute walk if that and the reason is all the buses stop on this road so it can become really congested with traffic.

AIBU to find this really disrespectful? Yes she would prefer I took her but sometimes that's not possible so I have made alternative arrangements so she can still be taken to school, the alternative is that I drop her off at the bus stop on my way into work which would mean that she would have to leave the house 30 minutes before we usually do. I've told her this is her other option but she doesn't want to do that either.

I'm finding her really hard work and negative at the moment and it just feels like all's she does is complain all the time. I tried to have a conversation with her the other day about school and what she wanted to do after she finished and she said she doesn't want to work, she hates people, I'm just at a loss with her lately. I know this is a difficult age but I still expect manners and respect.

Smile and nod and say, ok no worries get the bus today then, have a lovely day.

And insist on a thank you for each drop off or collection.

In these circumstances I'd tell her that her comments were noted and from then on she could get the bus on the OH dropping days.

Is he her dad? Maybe she doesn't like being alone with him. My mother used to palm me off on my stepfather all the time and I hated it.

@Vizella how is she being treated like a mug?

My youngest is almost 17 and is harder work now than she was as a toddler and baby combined!

YABU for being her taxi then being shocked that she complains when that routine changes, YANBU about the disrespectful attitude.

Your DD would hate living here. My DDs are expected to walk themselves to and from school from Y6. Expected to pack their own lunches from Y4. Expected to do housework and chores.

I'd be telling her to dial back the attitude or no lifts at all. I have no time for disrespect particularly when she is receiving a favour.

She's pulled a face. This is a mere nothing compared with what she could be doing or what might be to come. Pick your battles - this is not one of them.

If she had cussed and sworn then a response might be appropriate - otherwise let it wash by you.

She is entitled to her feelings about it - she expressed them in a non-aggressive way. Teenagers are awash with feelings - they need some outlet.

And which 15 year old has a life plan? I still didn't have one at 50! - she said she doesn't want to work, she hates people - something is troubling her. She needs your support; she needs you onside. And she needs to have some choices - teenagers feel very impotent - their bodies are rebelling, their hormones are rebelling, people are nagging them to achieve, they have little power over their lives - it is a bloody hard time. Be onside with her - show her you understand how hard it can be at her age. And be very careful not to invite conflict - it is easily done when you are feeling disgruntled with her underneath.

Tell her you love her - give her a hug.

It is not clear whether your OH is her father - I do think that makes a difference in light of her response.

Get the bus. End of. let her walk to the bus-stop.

If she doesn't want to walk and misses school, ring the school and tell them she is too lazy to move her arse. Whatever her money supply is, and I imagine it's you, cut it off-this will help to focus her mind.

You've pandered to her-you've got your thanks for it. Change tack. These are known as consequences and it is a pretty valuable lesson for a girl who says she doesn't want to work after school.. Lazy. Nip it in the bud.

Don't listen to those who come out with a load of soft shite soap-it's you who will be dealing with it when this attitude ruins her life, not them.

Of course you’re not! She’s bloody lucky to get a lift in, definitely she should bus back.

Crikey, I wish this was the worst mine did

How awful for you @JMSA

Do you wish that you had nipped their behaviour in the bud before it deteriorated?

You remind me a bit of my own mum. She cut me absolutely no slack on ‘bad’ behaviour and for years it affected the way I expressed myself. Didn’t dare pull a face or be cheeky (god forbid).

Lazy cow. Kids are too mollycoddled these days. Unless she is being bullied, she is being unreasonable

Is she even being rude though? She's allowed emotions and preferences and an unexpected change of plan would make alot of us pull a face. Many teens don't want to be around their mum's boyfriends. Even if she has her air pods in being in your vicinity is enough for her. She prefers you, that's nice and as it should be.

It doesn't sound like she is verbally being rude to him, she's a teenager not a mini adult and still has lots of developing to do. Teenagers aren't grateful, because it's their norm.

Why doesn't she make her own way? My DS has made his own way to school since he was 11. I wouldn't want my life dictated by school runs at secondary school age!

Teenagers pull faces at all sorts of things and are famously ungrateful. Really not that big a deal.

I have the impression it's her stepdad - OP says 'my OH' rather than her dad. Not sure. Either way she is being a brat and needs to grow up or make her own way to school. No patience with sulkers in my household.

Want my opinion ( I wasn't going to post.)

I would start dropping her off exactly where OH drops her off. Make it uniform. Blame congestion and that you need to get back to work.

Do not always drop her off. Ignore it this time because it will cause a fight to bring it up but next time she makes a face say he doesn't have to take you, you can get the train/bus. Let her decide. Do not pander to her by saying I'll do all drop offs. She needs a slight tough love.

I mean, she's 15 - if this is the worst thing you have to deal with, you're doing pretty well. Teenagers roll their eyes and pull faces and have a bit of attitude - it's really not worth having a massive argument over.

She's allowed to want you to drive her instead of him - in fact, I think most kids would rather get a lift from their parent over their step-parent.

I'd be dropping her even further from school just for her attitude. Pull a face at that sweetheart.

Yanbu. Mine would be delighted with a lift and 2 minute walk instead of making their own way there

At times, not always, the more you do for them, the more they want and easily dissatisfied even if you say no, once!!

All these posters calling her a silly lazy cow etc are just being horrible. I would be more concerned with why your 15yr old DD doesn't want to be alone with your boyfriend

This.