Teenage daughter being disrespectful?

[whatfornow]

DD is 15, she gets dropped off and picked up from school most days, she can get the bus and train home if needs be but I usually pick her up, she has had to make her own way home maybe twice this year if I have been working but gets dropped off every morning regardless.

I usually drop her off at school but sometimes my OH will for me if I have to be in work early or have a call I need to be back for. My issue is that my DD pulls a face every time he is taking her, I have asked her why and her response is that I drop her off at the gate but he drops her off at the top of the road and she has to walk down, I'm literally talking a 2 minute walk if that and the reason is all the buses stop on this road so it can become really congested with traffic.

AIBU to find this really disrespectful? Yes she would prefer I took her but sometimes that's not possible so I have made alternative arrangements so she can still be taken to school, the alternative is that I drop her off at the bus stop on my way into work which would mean that she would have to leave the house 30 minutes before we usually do. I've told her this is her other option but she doesn't want to do that either.

I'm finding her really hard work and negative at the moment and it just feels like all's she does is complain all the time. I tried to have a conversation with her the other day about school and what she wanted to do after she finished and she said she doesn't want to work, she hates people, I'm just at a loss with her lately. I know this is a difficult age but I still expect manners and respect.

Only on MN do posters have an issue with parents making their teen’s life a bit easier.. What’s the issue with parents who are willing and able to take their child to school doing so? You sound absolutely ridiculous.

I work near DD’s school so instead of making her walk and get the bus in all weathers I dropped her there each morning, right up to and including sixth form. Somehow despite this she has still turned out to be a mature and responsible 20 year old who given the choice would usually rather walk/take public transport than drive. Who would’ve thought?!

You can give your teen lifts to school and also raise them to have common sense, know their way round town/have the ability to use public transport and be street smart.. It’s not one or the other. This sounds like a very extreme case of an overly sheltered childhood

OP, teenagers can be many and ungrateful.
I find a period of doing little for them works wonders.
No lifts at all for a couple of weeks will put manners back on her.
No need to say it's punishment, just that it doesn't suit you or your OH. Take the break, no discussion.
You are doing too much, it doesn't bring appreciation in my experience.
Step back from doing so much, better for everyone.
Moaning is a habit that can become entrenched....best to step away from entertaining it I have found.

She can get the bloody bus then! Life will get tougher than a 2 minute walk

If you can drop her off at the gate, why can't he?

Alright miss Hannigan! Jesus Christ...what a childhood to look back on.

You flatter me 😆.
My DDs are happy and independent, so many of their friends are babied and driven everywhere, teenagers where their Mummies are making their breakfast. No wonder young adults can't cope with life.

I get it, it’s only a face, but it’s not really about that. DD started pulling a face every time I told her what was for dinner, even when it was a meal she’d chosen. It went on for months and ground me down because it felt like it didn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t please her and no amount of talking to her about it worked. Eventually I had enough and told her if she didn’t like what I was making she could cook herself something instead because I’d not cook for someone so ungrateful. Never pulled a face again

She's being a normal teenager, they are very self centred and rude sometimes!
However that doesn't mean you're being unreasonable or that you shouldn't make her walk.
My DD (13) gets a lift in too, then bus home (can't get the bus there because it's unreliable and usually too full), we drop her off about 10 mins walk away because it's easier for us on the way to work. She often complains about this but we tell her that's life , it would add 15-20 mins to our journey to take her all the way to school because of the morning traffic.

You definitely wouldn't be unreasonable telling her to get the bus home every day.

Even the nicest teenagers are such hard work. My eldest, who is objectively lovely, is only happy when things are going exactly her way. So far, she manages to snap out of it quickly enough, but it is relentless and tiring. I am picking my battles and taking lots of deep breaths and waiting for it to pass.

If its just a bit of face pulling and huffing about the lift I'd tell her it's either the top of the road or the bus, choose one, and stop moaning about it, or I'd choose for her, and it would be the bus. If she's rude to OH aboit it, I'd tell her do it again, and its the bus. As for her being dismissive and failing to engage, I'd back off and let her get on with it. Don't pander, cajole or overreact, its a stage that will pass. The goal is to wait it out with minimal drama.

You’ve reported a lot of what she has said - but the key bit is - what do you reply?

she moans about the 2 min walk…what do you say?

she says she won’t work as she doesn’t like people…what do you say?

Sounds like fairly normal teenage behaviour. If "making a face" is the worst of her sins, she's not doing too badly.
IIRC 15/16 was the age when I was the shittiest to my parents. It'll pass.

Sorry OP - I'm in this camp. At some stage she might appreciate the lifts she does get - especially when it's raining or other bad weather.

As for the not working - she'll come down to Earth with a bit of a bump if she doesn't put in the effort with exams, if you and your OH are consistent and don't pander to her - especially regarding money she gets as an allowance vs doing chores at home, part time work when she's old enough, etc. And at some stage she'll need to see the connection between effort and reward. You and your OH need to be a team on this. 🌹

I agree.

I never dropped mine at the gate because a/ it was chaos and b/ the school asked parents not too.