To think it's ok to contribute towards my own engagement ring?

[FairMinton]

Lighthearted, just wonder what people think. My partner is loving and generous with his time and affection. We split chores equally and he chooses nice thoughtful presents. He's not flashy as he doesn't earn lots and, yes, I probably want a more expensive ring than he'd be comfortable buying. I want to be proud of wearing my ring for the rest of my life and don't mind putting some money towards that. I think it's sort of weird he's expected to by me a very expensive gift without an equivalent. My friend thinks I'm mad! But the alternative seems a ring I might not like or an awkward and potentially hurtful conversation about budget!

If you want to then do it, it's not like anyone will know unless you tell them.

I knew what kind of ring I wanted and found it online. It was a little more expensive than what we had been looking at in the shops so I contributed a third of the price, and was glad to do so. (Would like to recommend Serendipity Diamonds, Isle of Wight 😊).

I paid for mine and husband paid me back in instalments 😆

Of course it's OK, especially if it means being able to afford the ring you would really like.
My engagement ring didn't cost much at all - it's not even an engagement ring as I didn't want anything traditionally "engagement" - but I chose it and DH could comfortably afford it.
If I'd have wanted something more expensive that would have been a push for him alone I'd have been more than happy to contribute.

Logically going forwards... marriage is about becoming a legal partnership... including financially. So sharing from the outset makes sense.

Marriage is a legal and financial partnership. While some couples keep money completely separate, many, if not most, will consider the point of getting married to become financial partners. Does it really matter which account the money comes from before the merge?

It depends if you’re a ‘pool money’ couple or ‘put a % of salary towards bills’ couple.

We bought a house before we got married and pooled all our money straight away. We chose our rings together and they all came out of the same money pool so it didn’t really matter. Mine cost a lot more than his but it wasn’t an issue. I think that’s the main point, you need to have a similar attitude to money and the household in general. We spilt household tasks 50/50, we have a joint account but we buy what we want and unless it’s £1000s we don’t ask each other before we buy.

Works well for us, but if you have separate money and different ideas on saving and spending then buy your own ring and negotiate future purchases separately

How does he feel about it?

Go for it. My mother told me to add to his budget so I could have a really nice diamond. So I did. never regretted it.

What's his budget and how much do you want to spend on a ring?

We're older and second time around so we just bought both wedding rings jointly. His simple platinum and mine full diamond eternity.

seems fine to me. Marriage is a financial partnership as much as anything else.

Of course it isn't.
Once married, you will be in a partnership and all monies spent by either of you will affect that partnership. It doesn't really matter where the money comes from for the ring, and, like you say, it is important that it is something you like.

I bought my own engagement ring, and our wedding rings!
We had already been engaged for a couple of years, my now husband was on a very low wage with no savings of his own, and we arranged our wedding in about 6 weeks as we found out my mum had terminal cancer and was likely to die within 3 months. As it was she died 2 days after we got married.
He has since bought me an eternity ring.

Thanks everyone! So glad to know that I'm not unusual for feeling like this. I feel exactly the same about shared finances point!

I privately told the shop to say it was a lower price so as not to embarass my fiance and then quietly paid the difference.

He is a high earner now so no need for such shenanigans nowadays 😉

I chose and bought mine myself, it was beautiful and 20 years on I still wear it everyday. We were very young and my DH gave me a plastic ring as the original proposal ring. He thought it was cute. I thought I'd better buy the one I like myself 😁

My DiL has always earned more than our son. He bought her the ring he could afford and she was delighted to accept it and has always been proud to wear it. I think it will depend on whether or not your fiancé is happy with this situation.

Of course it is! My first one cost all of £98 for a sapphire trilogy. Since then I've bought myself several!

Stop telling your friends about your finances - this is a good lesson to learn before you get married. Nobody needs to know what your ring cost. Are you even engaged/have you and your partner discussed marriage?

I would feel so patronised if I ever found out my partner had done that 😳

It’s fine to pay towards it.

I chose and bought my own after he proposed. My taste in jewellery is very specific and I would have hated a diamond solitaire, plus at that point I earned a lot more than him so it made sense to get it myself. Marriage is a partnership and there’s been times he’s contributed more financially in other ways so I don’t see the issue.

Of course it's fine, if that's what you want to do, but doesn't that just highlight what a nonsense an engagement ring is. It's not really betrothal ring if he didn't give it to you. If you want a beautiful piece of jewellery, have one, but why an engagement ring?

I'm old and jaded and I don't understand why engagement rings are still a thing. If they're so good and harmless, why don't men want them?

@CeasarS I'm old and jaded and I don't understand why engagement rings are still a thing. If they're so good and harmless, why don't men want them?

Tradition, nice gesture, they're pretty, symbolic... Most men don't want them because they don't generally wear pretty jewellery (common sense really), however some men do. I have some male friends with engagement rings (admittedly in same sex relationships) and others (straight) with engagement watches, or another expensive item in place of a ring.

Why does anyone other than you and your partner need to know how the ring was financed? Just don’t say anything it’s no one’s business. I couldn’t imagine someone admiring my engagement ring and then piping up with… I paid half.