To wonder if addiction is a choice

[BarbaraAnnee]

I am sorry if this sounds insensitive to some people but I just wondered what people thought of this. A relative of mine is an alcoholic and due to her being unfit, her parents have had to permanently look after her DD. I feel so bad for her and just wondered if she really loved her DD she would just stop drinking?

I've taken oxycodone before is it a bit like that

I've never done oxy so I don't know

If only it was that easy.
You really don't understand, do you.

I am really trying to understand

You think that a compulsion might be a voluntary thing?
Can you see the contradiction there?

This is quite a powerful video if you have 5 minutes to watch

This.

People may well have mental health problems that leads them to try and blot it out but they still choose to do so rather than try boring counselling. People drink and take drugs because the effects feels nice. They then use every excuse in the book to enable and excuse this behaviour that it isn't their fault, they are addicts it's 'a disease'. No, it isn't. We could all pop codeine throughout the day or drink wine to take the edge off, but we don't. We choose not to.

I think that when it comes to addiction there are points of no return, but these are only seen in hindsight, if at all.

But saying you think she should be able to stop because it's upsetting her daughter shows that you have a very simplistic view of addiction.

People who are addicts have to stop for themselves, not for somebody else.

There would be no need for rehabs if addicts could just stop so easily.

People drink and take drugs because the effects feels nice

No. They're addicts to block out trauma, usually from childhood.

I drink wine and take codeine occasionally for pain

The steps that lead to addiction can be a choice, yes.

I'm getting codeine tomorrow with a private prescription for my back, I take codeine or valium quite regularly and I don't really get how it's meant to be so addictive

Addiction isn't a choice.
Ignorance is.

You are best one to answer this question because you are the one judging, aren't you. You are judging her for not loving her child enough to "choose" to stop. So ask yourself why and you will get your answer.

Well we have to disagree. Some of course will use booze and pills to block things out but many do infact do it because it feels nice then they use it daily as a crutch Show me an alcoholic who isn't a selfish, deluded enabler, I've yet to meet one.

It sounds harsh but i have zero sympathy for addicts and their excuses. Their long suffering friends and family deserve all the sympathy.

I have had a lot of addictions. I think there can be a number of causes of addiction and I’m not sure the experts truly understand it all yet. In my case, I think it is due to neurodivergence (I’m sure some will disagree). I won’t list the things I have been addicted to as it is actually embarrassing.

I have had a lot of privileges in life which might be the reason I have (so far) been able to avoid spiralling and hitting rock bottom.

But fundamentally, I’m an addict. Always have been and always will be. It’s certainly not something I would have chosen for myself; I’d rather just be normal.

I don't think they should be judges harshly, but i wouldn't have an alcoholic in my life for long, unless they were actively accessing support and in recovery. I have a few alcoholics in my family so speaking from experience. I love them, but alcoholism takes the real person away and you're just left with the illness, which is a horror show after it gets to a certain point

Yes and I bet the codeine while a great painkiller also makes you feel quite pleasant but you don't think oh I'll take them all day every day because its a nice feeling do you. We choose not to.

Plenty of people take codeine all day every day. My dad included, he is not a junkie

I was dragged brought up by a single alcoholic mother so my opinion on this is will be heavily influenced by that.

I completely appreciate that no one chooses to be an addict. I know my mother would prefer not to be one.

However, she views recovering as “too difficult” so doesn’t try to get better. So that’s a choice. There’s no guarantee that she would get better if she wanted to. But she doesn’t want to even try. It would be really fucking hard for her to get better. But if it were me, I would do it. I would do whatever it takes.

I’ve told her I won’t see or speak to her again until she actually tries to change. That means she doesn’t see any of her grandchildren either. I’ve not spoken to her in months. She loves alcohol more than me and my family. She chooses to stay addicted and not try to recover. Tbh her favourite thing to do is wallow in self pity.

I lost my sympathy a very, very long time ago. “It’s an illness, it’s not my fault” has been used in her defence by her and everyone around me all of my life but it only goes so far. It doesn’t take away the trauma.

Thank god for your relative’s parents looking out for their grandchild.

Good. I don't mean that nastily. Can you see that fear is linked to judgement?

We all want to believe that we have control. That we would make better choices. That we would wake up and realize in time. That in adversity we would do better than others we know, have. That we would be stronger, better.

I know it not to be as true as I'd like it to be, but it doesn't stop me wanting to believe it. Because the alternative is living with fear.
When afraid, believing I am just stronger than anything and everything that has happened to me or others, allows me to bring my family through things in one piece more or less. One can invest in ones own strength and abilities without judging others against it.

Putting my hard hat on for this.

As someone who suffers from a chronic illness that was of no doing of my own, I’m afraid I don’t see it as an illness. Me and many other people like me didn’t choose to have a life limiting condition. We didn’t make bad choices that spiralled, we were unlucky enough (due to genetics, contracting an illness, overactive immune system etc) to be landed with a condition. As a result, I don’t have much time for people calling addiction an illness.

Once in the throes of addiction, the choice becomes much more difficult, but they do still have one, and they did have one initially.

Thats not to say it’s not horrendously hard, and I’m speaking as someone who has had a close family member struggle with alcohol and prescription drugs.

Well there's different elements to addiction that make it harder. There's physical addiction but also the structures around it that are also addictive. A basic example being people giving up the physical addiction of nicotine, but struggling with what to do with their hands, putting on weight because they eat instead, having to change patterns of behaviour eg no longer bonding with the people you smoke with.

With drugs this is likely to be magnified. Many people in recovery have to change their whole lives, move away (emotionally but sometimes physically) from friends, and people they perceived to be their support network, find things to fill the time that was used before for acquiring and using drugs etc. Plus if you throw in the fact that they may well have a history of trauma , this is no mean feat. I have a lot of admiration for those who have managed it