To wonder if addiction is a choice

[BarbaraAnnee]

I am sorry if this sounds insensitive to some people but I just wondered what people thought of this. A relative of mine is an alcoholic and due to her being unfit, her parents have had to permanently look after her DD. I feel so bad for her and just wondered if she really loved her DD she would just stop drinking?

My point is that help will not come to you, I tried so hard to get help.

As the op says these things are in no way equivalent. Eating chocolate does not make people behave destructively and ridiculously now does it? i can't imagine any parent missing a school play because they're passed out in bed after eating kitkats can you?

I drive my car every day am I addicted? 🙄.

No, because it has a particular meal that caters to a particular dietary need, that is hard (impossible) to find elsewhere. And they didn't take me, I took them! Their wants/needs were more important to me than making this easier for me. So that made it easier for me, if that makes any sense. . .

However, if you are addicted to eating, than that eating chocolate/kitkats can cause people's behaviour to negatively impact on themselves and those around them.

(And having an addiction to food, an eating disorder, to me, must be the hardest of the hard, because unlike alcohol, or drugs, you cannot excise food from your life.)

She’s never been offered counselling or any talking therapies ever. She stopped drinking about twenty years ago but she’s still mentally completely gone. She’s been sectioned probably 60+ times, she’s been given electro convulsive treatment numerous times and spent her life spaced out on high dose (prescribed) anti-psychotics. For my Mum, counselling would be like putting a sticking plaster on someone who’d lost their leg.

@Janiie Forgot to point out that even if you do get counselling on the NHS you get SIX sessions. What benefit would that be to a person with an acute psychiatric illness like my Mum?

I have always felt that guilt is just a pointless emotion. Did you feel guilty in the depths of your addiction? you have nothing to feel guilty about. Personally if you do not deal with those guilt feelings it my lead you to relapse. Focus on the future and the better person you will be, Well done x

@Anonym00se , my heart goes out to you, and to your Mum.

I think I'd better bow out from this conversation now, because I'm feeling a bit fragilly, and defensive, and don't want to spiral.

It's a terrible thing, addiction, and its impacts, and yes, most particularly on those around an addict.

Think about what you just said, their needs/wants trumped your own...........

Seriously? I was joking about passimg out after kitkats.

A pp suggested we are all addicted to various items. We aren't. We use things a lot, we like things a lot but we don't do these things daily to the point we destroy our lives, our loved ones lives and still, still enable it all by saying we just can't help it.

If it doesn't affect your personality, why not try giving it up for the rest of the month?

That, to me, isn't guilt, that is owning and accepting, the choices I made, my actions, and their consequences. And did I feel guilty in the depths of my addiction? Absolutely. It's a relief not feeling that now, because I am making different choices. That's one of the things that I hang on to, every day, one of the benefits of not continuing to feed the addiction.

I have ran out on numerous occasions and been absolutely fine, does that help?

Oh, and yeah, it's true Janiie, not everyone is addicted to something! Argh, bowing out, bowing out!

Eating chocolate isn't an addiction, just like drinking wine isn't an addiction. Drinking wine to excess can be an addiction. Eating chocolate to excess can be an addiction and it is a destructive behaviour as it can lead to weight gain, obesity and additional risk of heart disease, diabetes, mobility problems... You might not miss a school play, but can you take part in the mum's race at sportsday? Can you run around as much in the park with your kids? With the grandkids? It's a slower burn than the explosive destruction of other addictions, but that doesn't mean it isn't a destructive behaviour.

the choice and action to put wine in my gob was/is mine alone.

Just as the choice to traumatise your children with your addiction was yours alone.

Will they need therapy or substances to process how they came second to alcohol?

Every time you crack open a bottle, you choose to feed that habit, instead of choosing to put your kids first.

There are always choices, addicts choose selfishness every time.

There is less choice with the degree of compulsion that comes with addiction, both physical and mental. And now, genuinely bowing out.

If you are fortunate enough to not have addictivie tendencies, and addiction, it is very difficult to understand what it's like, and that's fair enough.

I know I have addictive tendencies....

Alcoholics run out of booze. They buy more. What did you do when you ran out of coffee?

I'm not saying all addictions are destructive -some addictions may even be very positive, but to think that you have no addictive tendencies is unrealistic. Your addictions might be benign or they might be harmful, but if you genuinely want to understand addiction, take something that is part of your daily routine and see how hard it is to go without it for a prolonged period of time. If you aren't interested in trying to understand, then don't do anything.

We all have addictive tendencies. It isn't a disease it is a choice to act on them though. I could sit here now and get shitfaced it'd be nice and dull out the current challenges but I won't, because it would make everything worse. It isn't rocket science.

Yes, it can be, and often is.

Close family member is an alcoholic.

Thats not addiction though?

More than once you have said now something along the lines of, we could all just get wired into the drink and it would be nice.

Do you not understand that for someone in active addiction can have a compulsion to engage in behaviours that do not make them feel good at all?

This is a brilliant visual explanation.