To think most people don't understand baby led weaning

[Londonforestmum]

I hear so often people say they are doing a mixture of baby led weaning and spoon feeding. I'm not saying one is better than the other, but this is 'traditional weaning', which always advised finger food from 6 months as well as purées. It's not doing a bit of both. BLW means you let your child feed themselves all the time. To say you're doing a bit of both is like saying you're a bit of a vegetarian because you eat some plant based foods alongside meat?

BLW also doesn't mean children don't use a spoon, you can use a spoon straight from the start but you just preload it for them and then let them hold it / put it in (or somewhere near lol) their mouths.

I think maybe people feel under pressure to do BLW but don't want to so they say they're doing a bit of it. There is nothing wrong with doing traditional weaning (purées and finger food) though!

Yeah, maybe. I can’t really be bothered to think through the theoretical details to be honest. As long as my kids learn to eat.

I look back and laugh now at how seriously I took weaning with my first. It seemed like such a big thing at the time yet it feels like irrelevant history now.

I’m now pregnant for the third time in just over four years and I’m tired. I honestly haven’t given weaning any thought yet and I’m not sure I’ll have much head space for it even when the time comes.

Get your oldest to wean the baby with whatever food he/she drops on the floor- sorted!

This is true but Gill herself says it's not about the food (ie, the way you present or prepare the food).

It's about how it's offered to the baby ie the baby is in control.

But as I pointed out earlier this is a bit of a redundant concept now, because all the stuff that used to be considered good parenting or normal which BLW was a counter to (persuading, bribing, parent being in control) is about 50 years out of date and not advised any more.

So BLW means finger foods and that's fine.

No it's not, it's intuitive weaning.
Adapting how you feed your child is intuitive, ie following your child's cues and and helping them when they need it. Some children are not explorative or excited about food, or may have developing sensory issues about food on their hands, so leaving them to to self feed as BLW suggests you do, won't work all of the time, but it doesn't mean they don't like exploring cutlery or self feeding sticks of soft vegetables that don't leave a residue for example.

Whether you meant it to be or not, this post is really combative and has struck a chord with many a mum because everyone is doing their best with the circumstances they have been dealt.

I really agree with you about this post striking a chord. I’ve had to regularly defend my choice to not use purées. I’ve had the hassle of a full-scale clean-up operation after every meal since I started weaning. I’ve read what feels like hundreds of recipe so I wasn’t relying on only ‘finger foods’. I’ve survived the constant fear that my baby would choke because I was giving him ‘proper food’ rather than purées and mashes. I’ve cringed under judgy eyes when food has ended up on the floor in public. All because I thought I was doing what was right for my child and now I’m being told I wasn’t doing it ‘properly’ because I’ve spoon-fed some porridge when pressed for time. I don’t feel I have experienced the benefits of so-called traditional weaning and I don’t think another person gets to dictate to me that I can’t say I’m doing a bit of both.

I’ve never felt the need to vocalise about another mum’s chosen method of weaning because a) it’s none of my business and b) I have witnessed the immense stress, guilt and anxiety some of my friends and other mums have gone through in regards to weaning. It can be a really stressful experience. It baffles me that OP would have picked up on people’s use of the term BLW and interrogated them in order to ascertain if they were using the phrase correctly. She has ignored mine and others query as to why it matters so much to her, so I can only assume it’s either a superiority thing, or she actually feels rather insecure about her own parenting so wants to prove to herself at the expense of others how well she’s doing.

Op was very quick to respond when someone said she hadn’t done BLW correctly as she not baby had put the food on the spoon.
If you are still reading Op I’d really think about why doing it properly (whatever that is) is so important to you. Nothing is patenting is black and white or perfect. You are setting yourself up for a really difficult time if you see things so rigidly.

Yeah I totally agree. Her general tone is totally smug and I think thats why there have been so many responses.

If it was phrased differently as a sort of "I've just been told this! What do you guys think?" There would have been a very different response to her posts.

Most mums come online for advice and support. To constantly battle with people saying they aren't doing something "right" by one definition is really weird. Everyone is just doing their best for their children.

Weaning the first time around is a minefield. I absolutely hated watching them eat and was terrified of choking - I've had 4kids (and I'm a nurse!) and that fear didn't go away until they were nearly 2.

Idk, I've always felt like I can't do anything right as a mum (especially with my first child!) And a post like this would have made me feel really shit

I'm 100% with you on this and I have to really hold my breath to not correct people when they confuse the 2.

Pps are right, it doesn't matter what it's called, but it's useful to have a common understanding when talking to other parents about strategies / philosophies/ issues / suggestions, otherwise how will we know we're on the same page?

@Bluedabadeeba but does it matter if you don’t follow it by the letter, and even those who gave read the book seem to interpret bit differently so how do you know that you are the one who is doing it exactly as it was intended

I spent a lot of time at baby groups when my two were little and although we spoke about weaning I don't think there was any confusion in terminology. I genuinely think the only people who would be 'confused' are those who, like on this thread, like to gate-keep the term.

The only reason people would care about gate keeping a precise definition of this is because they want some sort of validation for doing it 'right' and they don't want that validation extended to the 'pretenders'.

Or that's how it looks to me anyway.

You’ve really hit the nail on the head. There’s already constant self-doubt. We don’t need other mums bashing us over the head with ‘correct’ terminology.

I have a feeling OP probably tried force this idea on someone in real life. Then made a post imagining everyone would side with her and she could show this person. See I told you I was right!

I think that's 90% of AIBU in fairness 😂

Yes, quite. It's far more beneficial to give your baby a Mum who isn't so rigidly smug in judging others, than it is to give them the correctly labelled finger food.

I was exactly the same & it all worked out fine, I think so many "new" parents can get bogged down on "BLW" & how it doesn't have to be all carrot batons or finger foods

My little chap was/is not a fussy eater so I suppose it's easy for me to be so breezy about it though in fairness

Im in the minority here and agree with you. You aren't doing blw if you're baby isnt leading. Having said that it doesn't really matter and I would never comment on someone calling it baby led when its not.

Haha no and to be fair the comments have validated my original question which was AIBU to think most people don't understand BLW. And was in response to constantly hearing people say they do 'a bit of both'.

Spoon feeding plus finger foods is traditional weaning, it doesn't need a new name. BLW is about letting your child eat themselves the vast majority of the time, and skipping the purée/spoon feeding stage altogether. Obviously a spoonful here and there at grandparents doesn't mean you 'haven't done it', when people say 'a bit of both' this is not what they're referring to.

It's not about what's right or the wrong way to do it, my original post was just about how most people don't seem to understand the meaning/principles of Baby Led Weaning.

What I don't understand about the 'I didn't have time to do it as was doing the school run etc' type posts. In BLW milk is given before food. So it doesn't actually matter is baby is having solids at every meal, there's no need to quickly spoon food in before you go out, just skip the food for that meal. Also what do you do when they get to toddler stage, my 4 year old now takes his sweet time sometimes eating breakfast, would you also spoon feed at that age??

@Londonforestmum you say it's not about right or wrong and the thread started with the 'people just don't understand the terminology' but your posts quickly got judgy about people who feed purées.

People may get it wrong. The big question is why do you care if people get the terminology wrong when they talk about how they feed their own babies for such a short time in their lives?

We all came across those who were evangelical about breast feeding, BLW, baby wearing etc and they were almost all the same, intelligent career women who needed something to focus on and who probably felt a bit lost, maybe insecure with the put downs and the fake 'I'm not judging, I'm just confused how people don't know the terminology etc'.

Just do you. Makes me think of the Kasey Musgraves song Biscuits.

I might help a slow four year old spoon the last bit in if we were running out of the door, yes.

I’m confused as to why this is such a big deal to you @Londonforestmum ? Most of just feed our babies as part of caring for them. “Meaning” and “Principles” seem an odd thing to apply for something so basic.

What I don't understand about the 'I didn't have time to do it as was doing the school run etc' type posts. In BLW milk is given before food. So it doesn't actually matter is baby is having solids at every meal, there's no need to quickly spoon food in before you go out, just skip the food for that meal. Also what do you do when they get to toddler stage, my 4 year old now takes his sweet time sometimes eating breakfast, would you also spoon feed at that age??

What does any of this matter? If people feel they don't have time for it, then fine. It's not really your place to start pulling that apart. They know their children/routines/schedule a lot better than you.

You are obviously mych cleverer for understanding the definition than all of us. You obviously feel very smug about being correct.

In the real world, people dont care. Maybe get a hobby and make some friends outside of the mum-bubble you find yourself in at the moment. There's more to life than worrying about how other people feed their children and what they call it, you'll probably be happier for it.

And if you have another child, you'll look back at this and cringe.

It’s interesting that it’s called baby led weaning when if you don’t have time you skip giving them the option of trying food at all one meal time. Instead you fill them up with milk.

And why does 4 year old take time eating breakfast @Londonforestmum? Surely as such a perfect parent your child would eat perfectly and by the rule.

It's not like BLW is a scientific or medical term though. It's a trend. Like I said, a trend that worked for me and my babies, but I don't think it's the sort of thing we need to be particular about.