To think that Dads who don’t care about Mother’s Day also don’t care about Father’s Day?

[Bernadinetta]

Around Mother’s Day there are always posts on here and other social media with complaints of dads being generally useless- either forgetting Mother’s Day or actively choosing not to do anything (“you’re not my mother”).

As it’s now Father’s Day I’ve seen a few posts telling mums to match their husband’s energy- give him a taste of his own medicine, if he got you nothing then make sure you get him nothing, see how he likes it. I’ve seen a skit on TikTok just now where the “dad” gets up on Father’s Day wondering where his gifts and fanfare are and the “mum” with faux surprise says oh, you’re not MY father, and the “dad” is all disappointed.

AIBU to think that Dads who haven’t bothered on Mother’s Day are not going to care at all if they don’t get anything for Father’s Day and it’s not at all the “gotcha!” some people seem to think it is? If they ever realise that it IS Father’s Day, they wouldn’t be fussed at all about receiving a card, a pair of socks, a mug.

OP, you are so right- I have often had this thought. My husband doesn't care about gifts on special days, doesn't often get me presents and doesn't want anything on his birthday or Father's Day. My husband is always relieved if I get him no gifts because he feels vindicated for not bothering to get me gifts. I like birthday presents and a little bit of fuss, and I enjoy being on either end of the fuss- giving or receiving, though possibly giving is a bit more fun, actually.

The dad’s who don’t care about Mother’s Day (and upset their partners over it by being useless), are very likely useless dads types anyway – the kind who lie in when they want, go out when they want and avoid parenting when it suits them. Why would they care about Father’s Day when every day is Father’s Day?

I find this really unpleasant. I don't want to buy into all the commercialisation of life.

However, it's a cop out. Someone you supposedly love tells you it's meaningful to them. And they do nothing. No. I know a few like that.

Not answering your question directly but DH and I have a nice trade off these days. I don't do fathers day for him, he doesn't do mother's day for me. If the kids want to, that's fine.

I don't think any of it is 'really unpleasant'. Just the normal variation of human experience and taste: I am not very materialistic; he is not uncaring and unappreciative. I would appreciate it if my husband put a bit more thought into it all, but I also understand that this is not the way he naturally is.

I just agree with the OP that if someone doesn't bother to remember Mother's Day, they often also don't care if you ignore Father's Day.

(On the other hand, I love it when my daughter sends me a thoughtful present and handmade card because that means a lot to her, and it is something we share.)

Judging by the many threads on MN, there are many men who do expect adulation on Father’s Day and on their birthdays as their due but do fuck all for their female partners’ birthday and Mother’s Day, so YABU.

I think it’s ironic that the concept of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are actually being used to make mothers unhappy and start arguments within families. Everyone thinks they are immune to advertising and manipulation.

If someone said to me ' it would mean alot to me for xyz' - unless it was something unreasonable, then I'd really make an effort. It's the tiniest of asks. It makes me question people if they're told, they're asked - and then still don't.

I do have to wrestle this with my dislike of commercialisation of things. Because it is buying into that.

A homemade card, even a scribble drawing from a child- that to me would be quite precious. 🥰

DH is good on Mother’s Day, great on birthdays (the baking is especially good) but couldn’t give two hoots on fathers day or his birthday as long as the weather is decent and he can do a bbq. The only only negative is it’s a pain to buy him birthday presents 😂