To think that Dads who don’t care about Mother’s Day also don’t care about Father’s Day?

[Bernadinetta]

Around Mother’s Day there are always posts on here and other social media with complaints of dads being generally useless- either forgetting Mother’s Day or actively choosing not to do anything (“you’re not my mother”).

As it’s now Father’s Day I’ve seen a few posts telling mums to match their husband’s energy- give him a taste of his own medicine, if he got you nothing then make sure you get him nothing, see how he likes it. I’ve seen a skit on TikTok just now where the “dad” gets up on Father’s Day wondering where his gifts and fanfare are and the “mum” with faux surprise says oh, you’re not MY father, and the “dad” is all disappointed.

AIBU to think that Dads who haven’t bothered on Mother’s Day are not going to care at all if they don’t get anything for Father’s Day and it’s not at all the “gotcha!” some people seem to think it is? If they ever realise that it IS Father’s Day, they wouldn’t be fussed at all about receiving a card, a pair of socks, a mug.

I couldn't give a monkey's about Father's Day but I did do Mother's Day for my Mum and made sure the DCs did something for my DW (i.e. I paid for their flowers and cards).

Are you saying you agree or disagree with my OP?

Any of the scenarios you mention are a sad environment for a child to grow up in- dad not caring, mum not caring, either doing a ‘haha gotcha’ on the other. There is no way that child doesn’t end up in an endless cycle of not caring and not being cared for back.

I agree with you.

I don't care about Mother's Day. I really don't - we didn't do it when I was growing up and now I'm equally as unbothered as my own mother. If we were in that situation and DH wanted to teach me a lesson about Father's Day by not doing anything on Mother's Day, I wouldn't notice.

Actually what happens is he does nothing on Mother's Day, because I tell him not to bother. And on Father's Day I do make sure to do something small from the DDs (4 & 2) as I know he places more importance on it that I do.
I've never seen why men who don't care about Father's Day don't want to do something on Mother's Day anyway, if it is important to their partner. I've never thought my lack of interest in Mother's Day had any bearing on DH liking to get a Father's Day card and token gift.

My parents didnt do mothers of fathers days but that was totally irrelevant to how much they cared for us children. Why would the two things be connected?

I didn’t even know Father’s Day existed until recent years so we’ve never done anything. I don’t celebrate Mother’s Day and never have. It’s not a gotcha, neither of us care at all.

I agree. I don't care much about Mother's Day, well it's about me and my children, no one else. I liked the cards they made at nursery and school, handprints, 'I love my mum because...' type things. I didn’t care for presents until they were old enough to do it on their own initiative. So no expectations of a partner. I wouldn't like a fuss to be made or I'd have to do it for Father's Day and that would not come naturally at all.

There are 363 other days in the year to care. No one is required to care on specific days more than others.

My husband grew up not celebrating mother's day or father's day. He's never fussed about father's day, he accepts the kids cards gracefully as they make them in school. For mother's day DH makes an effort because I do celebrate it. However I am low key, I never want a fuss and am happy with a homemade card and a cup of tea in bed. That's what I want and he goes along with it. There's never a gotcha or anything because we are extremely chilled about it. We appreciate each other without the need to go overboard and one up each other on it.

Several of the posts around Mothers' Day, where no-one has done anything to mark it, also say that their DH/DP expects the full works on his birthday and Fathers' Day.

S0livagant
But because of the hype (wrongly in my opinion as today I know a couple who have lost their only daughter, and a young child who’s lost his dad in the last few years), the child knows the date and has been brought in on this being a day where they do something special. So the TikTok laughy people who leave their child to it are messing with their child as much as or perhaps even more than the dad so yes on this day it is important

BarcardiWithGadaffia
But I don’t think op is talking about a family where everyone looked out for each other the rest of the year- sounds more like there’s animosity and one up man ship and in the end that comes back on the child

Perhaps some of it comes down to the relationship they have with their parents which can influence their views on it. I also doubt anyone is bothered about receiving socks and a mug.

The children will make a card at nursery or school. From about eight they could bring their parent coffee and toast in bed. They can draw a picture or pick some wildflowers on their own initiative. It doesn't require the other parent.

I don't care about Mother's Day or Father's Day but I do facilitate something for FD. For both MD and FD it's never been about presents though, just about cards made at school and maybe some chocolate.

.... and deliberately going out of their way to be as mean and petty as possible to pay them back for not getting them a Mother's Day card 2 months ago.

How small minded can you get.

My ex has always been lazy with Mother’s Day and birthday, but expected to be treated on Father’s Day and on his birthday.

The ‘surprise’ of a PS5 for her birthday - he’s the gamer, not her -, after she’d bought him something he asked for for his, was the final straw for the mother of his youngest children (I have his eldest children).

i know a few women who had the same experience.

All events in this house are "for the children". I am not particularly bothered by birthdays, mother's day, father's day. But the giving of gifts and the opening of presents is a great treat for children. They love seeing us excited over getting a mug, or a hat, or a new washing up basin!!

We've just had a father's day party where the DC gave DH a flask (that he picked up for himself today!) It's not that big a deal, but kids do like to do something.

I think Father’s Day is absolute nonsense. I have never bothered with it and my dad doesn’t know or care when it is either. Mother’s Day, on the other hand, is a proper tradition which my mother does care about and I think is important to mark. Unless you happen to have a dad who does the majority of childcare, that seems fair to me.

S0livagant
depends on the age- my 9 and 11 yo wanted to make coffee, toast and a boiled egg-if I’d said well it’s up to you or you go do it we could have had an interesting scenario

DH didn't know it was FD today. He does remember MD though.

@Bernadinetta stop watching drivel.

That's why I said 'from about eight'. Some children could younger, others older.

Also if they have been taught. Mine were taught to only put necessary water in the kettle, so safer to pour, not to fill the mug as high as I would, how to safely use the toaster, under supervision many times before doing it alone.

S0livagant
Ah sorry missed that! that’s really good, must get onto looking at using the kettle more with them, the 11yo was epic at the coffee (we have one of those coffee pot thingies you put on the cooker) and 9 yo did the toast and the timer for the egg ( I put in and took out)