Father's Day unwanted gift

[fedupforever]

Husband hinted for an expensive gift for Father's Day, new sunglasses that would cost anything from £100 upwards. I bought a few bits the kids picked for him, the usual dad bits and bobs, chocolate etc and printed a voucher for the glasses and said we will go shopping as I don't know what style you'd like and can put money towards them if you like a very expensive pair.

Straight away his face was tripping him and he said the voucher was worthless as I'd given him vouchers in the past that had not been redeemed - for a new cinema that opened but when we hire a babysitter it's been for nights out and we didn't fancy the cinema as wanted to have a meal and drinks instead or went out with friends. This was something we had discussed prior to going out and both agreed the cinema didn't feel worth it when we were paying a lot of money for a babysitter.

I wasn't happy with the comment and thought it was really rude and quite selfish. We don't have much money and I don't buy myself much, I recently spent my birthday voucher he got me on a gift for a friend as I couldn't afford to buy one otherwise. I don't have spare cash to replace the voucher.

Aibu to think this comment was out of order and to feel hurt by this?

DH got a card. That's it. A lovely message written by DS1 and a signature from DS2. He still thinks they spent too much money but happy anyway.

Stop with the vouchers and only spend what you can afford. Tell him expensive sunglasses are not affordable and not the sort of thing he would get for Father's Day anyway. Make a rule not to be sucked into this commercial Hallmark days. Fathers and Mother's day are to appreciate your parents. No gifts needed at all. Get the kids to make him a card and get a token gift. Is he a good father? He sounds selfish if he let you use a birthday voucher meant for you for a friend because you could not afford it otherwise.

What's wrong with a homemade card and a bar of chocolate? Can't stand the greed surrounding these pointless events dreamt up by retail.

He shouldn’t have asked but I think your mistake was to print him a voucher. You don’t have the money so he can’t have them. He needs to stop expecting things that are not within your families budget.

What you should have done is told him that your children can’t afford expensive sun glasses and he is their dad not yours .

Childcare. We both have semi decent wages but childcare eats it up. It's also been a rough few months with loads of big family birthdays and weddings

The voucher was printed at home so no money has actually been spent on it yet. Same with the cinema one or it would have been used to save it expiring. I took the kids to look at glasses yesterday and couldn't see anything so we done a print at home for a shopping day for glasses. Think that's what has annoyed him as the previous one didn't come to fruition but only as we don't get out often and when we do pay a babysitter we use it wisely and often end up out for drinks!

He says there has been other vouchers like this but I think he's talking about ones for sexual favours I've bought years ago at Valentine's Day etc and he's probably tried to redeem one for a shag when I've been really not in the mood. Really don't think this is in the same league as an actual gift voucher for a present!

I did tell him if he waits till the next sale I might get an affordable pair!!

His reasoning was that the last ones I bought him were 'only' £90 and that was about 8 years ago. The same model today are £185 and were in a different financial position. That was his first ever Father's Day and maternity pay hadn't kicked in yet, I was still on my full pay!!!

Sorry I’m a bit with the DH as the voucher sounds a bit like a crappy IOU for part payment. Either get them or don’t if they’re not in budget. Homemade vouchers aren’t a gift IMO

How does mother's day work? What did he get you? Do you get to ask for whatever you want?

Exactly. I don’t have to get involved with all this palaver, thank goodness, but the expectation and massive commercialisation of it all is madness. Why do people continue to buy into it all?

There are two separate issues.

One is that he’s a spoilt brat who expects a £100 gift for Father’s Day and not a card, novelty socks and tea in bed like almost every other father today. He’s completely out of line and needs to get a damned grip.

It’s Draw Your Daddy A Nice Picture Day, not Hit Designer Shops You Can’t Afford Day.

The other is you giving him homemade vouchers that come to nothing, whether for a good reason or not. This is clearly not a gift option that works for the two of you.

Vouchers for sex are a colossally stupid idea, as the only time he is going to try to use one is when you aren’t going to shag anyway, and that’s clearly a bad thing. And a voucher for an unused night out still kicking around is clearly a reason not to print vouchers.

Blimey - £100 gifts for Fathers Day!? It's a made up day with little significance.

We have always encouraged DS to do a card on Mothers Day or Fathers day, just to show appreciation and he usually gets some sweets he knows we like. Jelly Babies are my favourite and DH is Wine Gums. So DH got a bag of Wine Gums and is very happy with them.

If DH is expecting £100+ to be spent, can I ask what he gets his Dad?

Sorry if this is a dim question, but when you say you printed a voucher, do you mean you went to an online shop and paid to buy one of their vouchers and then downloaded and printed it; or do you mean that you knocked one up for him like an IOU that was from you i.e. "FedUp hereby promises to buy Mr FedUp the sunglasses of his choice up to the value of £100" ?

If it's the latter, I suppose those kinds of 'informal' vouchers don't always get redeemed - whether they get forgotten, or the giver changes their mind/is reluctant/is a bit hard up when the recipient wants to call in their gift, or the recipient feels awkward asking for it; but if it's the former, then if it doesn't get used, well, he only has himself to blame for not bothering to use it, doesn't he?

He’s a greedy ass. He can buy his own sunglasses.

The more you post, the worse he sounds.

Tell him to grow the fuck up and be realistic with his expectations. He has kids and things sound tight. He needs to live within the family budget, not try to live as some richer person he’d like to be, wearing sunglasses that can’t be afforded or having nights out that break the bank.

A bloke we know had a strop because the family budget meant he had to settle for a Ford Focus and not the ‘cooler’ car he’d have liked. Apparently a Focus ‘wasn’t really him’. In fact it was exactly him, a dad of 2 kids on a not very high wage.

Your partner needs to stop being a sulky brat, apologise to you, and manage his expectations in future.

Awwwww maybe he can ask Santa for them instead at Xmas.

He no longer speaks to his dad and when he did he got him a bottle of wine and 6 beers......

Printed myself and told him we would go on a shopping day to pick them. We've been together 20 years he isn't shy about asking for it to be redeemed but understand what you mean.

Fair enough, child care costs is a killer I know. maybe stick to a box of Chocs next year , that will teach him!

Father’s Day is just cards and token gifts. Dh got books, a record and a homemade cake and he said we’d done too much. We aren’t struggling financially, we just buy ourselves stuff when we want it so don’t need anything. Fwiw I’m the same with Mother’s Day. A card, token gift and possibly my choice of takeaway and I’m more than happy.

I think it’s appalling that you had to spend your voucher on a friend because you couldn’t afford a gift but this twat wants to blow £200 on sunnies. It was also knobber behaviour to act disappointed in front of the dc who just wanted to do something nice for him. Didn’t he get the memo that when you have kids, they come first and your trivial wants have to wait. He seems a very selfish man.

You've been together for twenty years and share children yet he is the man who has everything and you have to spend your own voucher to be able to get a gift for a friend!? Meanwhile he demands £100+ gifts for father's day. Is he financially abusive, OP? Because what I've just summarised makes it sound like he is.

The man's a prick and a man-baby.

This must be one of many issues with him.

Poor you, poor kids.

He sounds like a very unattractive big old baby, poor diddums hasn't got any expensive sunglasses

We don't celebrate this commercial clap trap. Every day is fathers/Mother's Day.

However if your family do celebrate it then don't you think it's extremely bad taste to have him ask for a specific gift, especially when your finances are poor?

What's wrong with a card made by the children and I've family meal at home?

If he's a man who has everything and you are a woman who cannot afford to buy a friend a birthday gift, then something has gone very wrong!

I think it's time to tell him that you won't be buying expensive presents while your financial situation is so hard - token gifts only.

And I'd have a look at your financial arrangements and ensure he is paying his fair share of family expenses, proportionate to income. When it comes to spending, make sure you aren't taking in a greater share of costs while he prioritises getting what he wants first!