The difference between cancer life as a royal and as a "lesser mortal"

[sixtyandsomething]

not to derail other threads..

I have nothing against the Princess of Wales, I am sure she is a lovely person and I wish her well. however, let's not pretend she is facing the same struggles as the rest of us.

I bet you £10 she hasn't had to deal with any of these! (feel free to add your own)

-40+ calls to DWP, often being left on hold for 2 hours or more
-many months delay in benefits being processed, leaving you without any income at all
-DWP advising you to "find a food bank"
-struggle up the hill on crutches to get a bus to chemo
-appointments delayed and cancelled, blood tests lost and repeated, regular system "crashes" leaving medical staff with no access to your notes.
-never seeing the same medical professionals twice.
-consultant appointments cancelled when you have already travelled several hours to the hospital
-telephone appointments you have to sit and wait by the phone for, for the whole day
-worry on crammed full bus when you are CEV
-getting off bus because it is too full
-getting of bus because you are vomiting
-sitting on the pavement for 3-4 hours after chemo in the dark and rain, because you are CEV and don't want to get back on a crammed bus in the rush hour
-commuters swearing at you because you move too slowly
-commuter kicking you out of the way because you move to slowly, and doing it with an air of indignation, like they feel seriously injured by having to touch something so disgusting with their foot
-minimum 18 hour wait in A and E before being admitted with infection - once it was 28 hours
-further many hour wait in ER before being admitted to wards.
-spending night on chair in corridor, after being admitted to a ward
-being asked to vacate chair in corridor so doctor can perform ECG on patient who is currently standing up with nowhere to sit
-being warned by hospital staff to sleep in your glasses so they are not stolen
-having to buy a constant stream of new clothes, and having to go to charity shops - on steroids? go up two sizes, no chemo? go down 3- surgery? get front opening everything, in a range of sizes.
-not being able have a clean the house, wash up, open the window even, without calling a friend to come and help.
-council refusing to empty your bins because you are not capable of moving them to the right place at the right time
-giving away your pets because you can't take care of them, or afford them
-being told the waiting list to see a physiotherapist is around a year

I could go on

I am so grateful for the treatment I have had, and I hope the Princess of Wales does well and recovers, but the two situations are not the same, even slightly, even if the disease is.

That's what is naturally going to come from a thread like this though.
I can't imagine what the OP is going through, and truly hope and wish for their health to make a full recovery
Just don't see how it benefits anyone comparing journeys to others, it's terrible for all

The princess will have the same fear of strange growths inside her, the same clutch of fear at the presence of Death squatting on her shoulder, the same fears for the welfare of her husband and children and.her whole family,the same regret that her tomorrow is uncertain
She isn't having an easier time than you.

Hospitals offer transport to patients in difficulty.You phone up with your details and
they'll take you there and back again.

Get on to the benefits.people, persuade your councillor to pressure the hospital.

Is there no friend or family member who would help out with shopping or housework?
Have you actually asked anyone?

If there is no one,social services can help with meals and general assistance.My Mum had them calling on her for six months and they were great.

I’ve nothing but the utmost sympathy for anyone suffering from ill health.

That said, I’ve spent the last two months in a medical situation that I’ve likened to Princess Catherine, on occasion.

I’m exactly the same age and have very young children like her (youngest just 12m old). I had a suspicious abdominal mass that required investigation and subsequent surgery. This was all while working full time and navigating childcare. Thankfully I drive. I had two weeks of appointments, Dr A in Hospital A at 10.00 on Monday. Dr B at hospital B at 1.00 on Monday, Dr C at Hospital A at 11am on Tuesday… etc.

I spent two weeks running between various hospitals (blood tests, ultrasounds, consultations, CT scan) and being at work, making up missed hours as I could. All around childcare too. I was also waiting to see if the ‘suspected cancer’ was that. The consultant’s secretary told me that she had the results on a Thursday afternoon but couldn’t tell me what they were. A week later she called again to say that the consultant would see me the following week ( I spent that fortnight sobbing pretty much all if the time… between trying to work).

I had a ‘non malignancy surgery’ in the end.

but..

I compared myself to Catherine at various points. Saying ‘I bet she had one appointment where a consultant took her through blood test, ultrasound and CT in one go. I expect she didn’t need to wait two weeks for results either (knowing they were in).

Princess Catherine is wonderful. But the pathway during this horrific time is very different to what the average person experiences.

I think what you describe is awful and I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. I'm also sorry that you have been upset by an article that should never have gone to print. Every single life is precious, everyone should be treasured avd supported. Everyone is deserving of care. I don't see it particularly as a them and us issue, rather as an indictment of our broken country which is actually fairly wealthy.

It’s the media pushing the courageous royal story. I’m sure she’s as scared and worried as anyone with a cancer diagnosis would be. Cancer is shit wherever and whoever it hits. It has no respect for age, sex, race, education level and so on. But money and privilege help to make it smoother and safer.
No way should @sixtyandsomething or anyone with cancer have to travel to and from chemo on a bus. No one with cancer should have to wait for benefits to be sorted. No patient should be having an ECG in a corridor ffs.
How do other countries put these things in place with no delay yet Britain can’t?

I think the point is that Catherine or any wealthy person wouldn't have to use hospital transport or 'get on to the benefits people' , she wouldn't have had to ask friends to help with shopping or contact social services.

OP, this is your second post about being called ‘lesser’. Allison Pearson isn’t the entirety of the press and she probably has little effect on what real people think.

My thoughts also.

I'm sorry for you, that you had truly dreadful treatment when coping with your body reacting is enough to grapple with during cancer treatment.
I have had cancer and I am not rich but none of what you had to contend with happened to me, thankfully.
I hope everyone has the best of loving care and practical treatments.
It is not a competition - except one with the disease Cancer.
May The Princess of Wales, and all cancer sufferers, triumph.

Rich people have bodies just like the rest and it is our bodies that have the uncomfortable battle, the pain, the illness. It doesn't matter how rich one is - our bodies can only do their best on some of the better days and bomb out completely on the other days.

The more people of all walks know about what it is like to have cancer treatment, the more charities and health authorities will know what is needed to assist all.

Yeah, re: her preventative treatment, I think being bumped to the top of the waiting list, probably over people in far worst states, would've helped too. A relative died of cancer but I don't know how it would've gone if they could've been spent less time on the waiting list at each stage and been treated immediately.

I think sometimes the worst part, for both the patient and their loved one, is the uncertainty and interminable waiting – not knowing the results at each turn (will they live or die), not knowing when or if treatment will ever become available, not knowing if they could've been saved and still around if they'd spent less time on the waiting list at every single turn.

It's really hard to overstate that fearful uncertainty if you've never experienced it. It takes on an existential dimension. And in these understaffed and chaotic wards, you see patients in ghastlier states – also untended to – all around even as your loved one or you are dying, and you can't bring yourself to push to be prioritised.

Speaking from dual experience... Both as relative of someone who was on the NHS (now no longer with us), and of someone who chose to go private after that experience. Buying certainty (both as to your condition, even if it's bad, and as to the fact that you'll immediately be taken care of) really buys you an incredible amount of peace of mind. So I really don't think Kate faced the same fear as my relative, no.

One thing to remember that is that the cancer itself and a person's experiences of it vary. No 2 are the same. I was diagnosed with stage 2 meloanoma last year and had to have a sizable chunk of my leg removed. Diagnosis to surgery was around 1 week then another week to get the all clear. But the level of stress, fear, realisation of my own mortality was off the chart.
Then a few months later they found another one on the same leg and at the same time on my 12yr old son's ear.
Whatever cancer you have, it sucks and changes you. Yes some people have it easier than others (I'm lucky enough to have private healthcare for my family from my employer and I didn't need chemo). But that didn't change how I was feeling about the situation.
I actually felt like a bit of a fraud once I'd got the all clear as the treatment was soon and relatively simple. I know people really have to battle to survive and I didn't. But melanoma will be my life now and it's almost guranteed that I will be having moles removed and surgeries for the rest of my life.

For sure your situation sucks. It really does. But it also does for all cancer sufferers regardless of their social status and wealth.

You know what I’m happy about, @sixtyandsomething??
I’m happy you’re here to list all the reasons why Kate’s life with cancer is different than regular women’s life with cancer.
My very favorite girl in the entire world isn’t. She lost her battle against cancer and I miss her every day of my life.
Kate still has cancer, though, and even the most brilliant doctors and cushiest of lives can’t protect her.
I hope for her childrens’ sake she recovers.
I wish cancer got cancer and died - that’s what I wish.

I would think it is true for any wealthy person. They can pay for private healthcare and being wealthy gives you the money to have access to specialists, etc.

I am sure Jeff Bezos gets much better treatment for any of his ails and ills over the everyday Joe.

What is the solution?

Yes op, it's shit.

You've had a terrible time of it, you really have.

Kate is more privileged so has access to the world's best healthcare services.

Not to mention an endless limit of nannies, educators for her kids, personal chefs, chauffeurs therapists, people to dress her, etc etc.

Life is not fair.

I am so sorry to OP and the others who have posted about their far from ideal cancer treatment and all the surrounding admin and bureaucratic red tape .

This is not what we should aspire to as a rich Western country .

I do fully accept that cancer is a leveller in that it will affect those from all incomes regardless . There will be a lot of similar worries that all these patients will face and similarities and side effects of that treatment .

I think a lot of you have been unkind and lacking in compassion to the OP and others who have faced those hurdles .
As However someone who is as rich and well supported as Kate is , does not have the additional worries that OP and other face re finances / transport / waiting times etc .

I also accept that the press and public interest will add an additional element for Kate .

Kate and the King lead very privileged lifestyles and do not have financial worries . They have access to the very best healthcare and doctors this will also include preventative treatment and diagnostic treatment . They will be able to access this treatment without waiting times and they will have personal assistants / staff who can take on the admin role re appointments etc .

Kate will not be worrying about the stability of her job and about how she is going to pay her bills . Her family will have full access to the best of therapists and professional support . They still have a nanny , have drivers , cooks , other staff who will be able to deal with the practicalities of looking after her , her husband and their children .This will have still have been a worrying and difficult time for them regardless , although most if not all of the practical and financial burdens will not be an issue for them .

Cancer sadly impacts a lot of us and our families . I wish the OP and the others posting who have gone / are going through this the very best and hopefully some compassion and not judgment from those they encounter day to day and here/ elsewhere online .

Take care

By the way, the rich and the poor don't have the same experience of cancer as an illness. Poverty makes a statistically significant difference to outcomes. The poor are more likely to get cancer, more likely to have it diagnosed later, and more likely to die.

This is rapidly becoming a race to the bottom isnt it? Sixty and something ,I feel for you and your dreadful experience .No one should have to cope with that.However I am guessing by your name you are a similar age to me .Late 50s ( me) not 42 like Kate with a young family ,how exactly would you explain to poor prince Louis, that Mummy is not well ,and has a life threatening illness?Kate always looked a picture of health , a year ago no one could have guessed this would happen,Sadly we have different incomes ,and this is sharply reflected in your post of what happens to poorer cancer sufferers .Could you talk to MacMillan or your hospital of the difficulties you have with transport ? Our hospital has a dedicated Car service run by volunteers .There is also a hardship fund for people in financial difficulties ,It may be worth a call .Good luck with your treatment ,Lets hope we both get well soon . xx

Because we spend less money per capita on our healthcare than any other developed country. Because neither the government, the media or the taxpayer want to hear the inconvenient truth, that if we want good healthcare we're going to have to pay for it. Because as a result the working environment for frontline clinicians is literally horrific and as a result the NHS is losing huge proportions of their staff to other careers or other countries. None of this is Kate's fault though any more than it's OP's fault.

I know I might sound like a stuck record but once again the start of the solution is surely to target our anger and efforts towards the people who are really responsible for this shit show not a young mother who is when all is said and done just another frightened cancer sufferer

I think one o fetch biggest challenges/differences is whether you have significant surgery before chemo/radio as the surgery and recovery seems to be a much bigger challenge for the NHS than the chemo/radio.

That is a rather naive way of thinking. Do you think that the way that the POW is being portrayed in the media, has no influence on how people view her.

My wealthy friend had cancer- he killed himself a year ago. Does that mean he ‘wins’ OP? This isn’t a race to the bottom. I don’t think she asked the news outlets to paste her story every where - in fact didn’t she want to keep this quiet?

Im sorry you are poorly Op - and I hope you get better soon.

I really don’t think some people are getting it.

No one is having a race to the bottom, but those of us who have had cancer are upset that we are not necessarily getting the same treatment in the same timely fashion as someone who is Royal.

For what it’s worth, for those who say it’s worse for her than the OP because the OP doesn’t have young children, I did have young children when I was diagnosed and had treatment, and again, I had to tell those children about it and be poor without a legion of Nannie’s and therapy for my children.

No one is blaming Catherine for being rich, I sincerely wish I had been, but to suggest that Catherine’s experience is worse because she has children, or is in the Spotlight (a spotlight she chose) is really not right

it isn't even anything about the POW to be fair, it is the media saying she is braver than me, she is better than me, I am a "lesser mortal"

There have been some formal complaints to the independent press authority now, so I don't know if that will get anywhere

To clarify OP I don't think anybody on here, even the ones disagreeing with you considers you a 'lesser mortal' for one second

I personally hadn't quite appreciated that your OP was in response to this disgustingly insensitive news article. However, Kate didn't write the article nor does she give any impression that this is her own view. If you'd linked the article and made more clear that your grievance was with the article I think that you might have received more agreeable responses xx