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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Misbehaving student

39 replies

callingwith · 16/06/2024 08:40

Hi everyone,

I need to know if I am being unreasonable.. Long story short, I am a private violin tutor, teaching from home. A couple of months ago, I received an enquiry re some beginner lessons for a six year old. Parent seemed a bit rude from the outset but i ignored this (big mistake) but I decided to give them a chance as the child was very keen on learning.

Child and mother come to my house. It is clear DC has behavioural issues, running up and down my stairwell, going into personal bedrooms, picking the plants in my driveway etc. I put so much effort into these bloody lessons as the child would sulk and refuse to do anything, lying on the floor refusing to move etc. I would try asking him questions about our learning, the mood of the music, etc. to pique his interest.

Now I receive communication from the parent saying it is MY FAULT I can't control her child, and it is the job of the teacher to make sure they are scared of you?! Also how they do not agree with my method of "constantly questioning the child, the teacher should dictate authority to the student" They also said their child never had behavioural issues when learning piano from another teacher, which I know is completely false (who are they trying to kid?).

Am i being unreasonable to let them go? I'm a conservatoire trained violinist by the way with a class of 20. Noone has ever accused me of anything like the above!

OP posts:
llamajohn · 16/06/2024 08:42

Drop them.

Easy.

LordPercyPercy · 16/06/2024 08:42

Definitely let this one go! Sounds like far more hassle than it's worth.

RandomMess · 16/06/2024 08:42

YANBU I would give the line that they don't seem happy with your teaching style so are terminating the contract.

Or do you need to be even more diplomatic?

PithyLion · 16/06/2024 08:43

ofcourse it is not your fault, and yes, let them go - they are not getting anything out of it anyway

ellesbellesxxx · 16/06/2024 08:44

As a fellow peri teacher… the hills are that way ➡️🚩🚩🚩🚩

Barefootsally · 16/06/2024 08:45

Throw this one back!

ProfessorPeppy · 16/06/2024 08:45

‘Your child isn’t ready to learn. Try again in two years’ time [with someone else]’

Thehop · 16/06/2024 08:46

You're quite right, we are not well matched. Lessons will not continue with me and I wish Jonny well in his music endeavours.

CelesteCunningham · 16/06/2024 08:48

Definitely ditch them, I'm sure you'll fill the slot in no time.

BrigadierEtienneGerard · 16/06/2024 08:48

Sorry, but I'm not sure why you are worrying about whether it's U or not U to dump this odious little brat?

Get rid of him and do both of you a favour.

fashionqueen0123 · 16/06/2024 08:49

Unfortunately I am going to have to stop teaching X. Their behaviour is not appropriate for violin lessons and therefore they are not learning anything while here. Going into other rooms in my house and lying on the floor does not make for an effective learning environment. Many thanks, Calling with.

Ragwort · 16/06/2024 08:49

Absolutely let them go ... and what was the parent doing whilst their DC behaved so badly in your house ? No doubt smiling indulgently about their DC's 'spirited behaviour'. Hmm

Not quite the same situation but I had a maths tutor for my DC who after two years explained, very nicely and politely that he felt they were no longer a 'good fit' and he didn't feel my DS was getting any benefit from the tutor sessions. I think that was a polite way of saying my DS was a lazy sod true. There were no hard feelings, we found another tutor and my DS got his maths A level and went on to study economics at Uni.

CocoapuffPuff · 16/06/2024 08:49

Terminate. Immediate effect.

Cloudfluffy · 16/06/2024 08:51

This reply has been deleted

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callingwith · 16/06/2024 08:53

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sorry? i haven't, this is my first post? where's the other one?!

OP posts:
NotTerfNorCis · 16/06/2024 08:53

Not unreasonable! Hope they're not awkward about payment.

itsgettingweird · 16/06/2024 08:53

I think the question is "why wouldn't you terminate this contract?!"

You and the kid are getting nothing from it.

whyhavetheygotsomany · 16/06/2024 08:55

Just tell them it's a no go. Forget about it.

MrsBillyhargrove · 16/06/2024 08:55

Drop them like a hot stone! Some people (the parent in this situation!!) are so dense and blame everyone else for their child’s terrible behaviour.

MariaVT65 · 16/06/2024 08:55

Don’t hesitate to drop this student. Too many kids are getting away with disruptive behaviour these days.

callingwith · 16/06/2024 08:56

Ragwort · 16/06/2024 08:49

Absolutely let them go ... and what was the parent doing whilst their DC behaved so badly in your house ? No doubt smiling indulgently about their DC's 'spirited behaviour'. Hmm

Not quite the same situation but I had a maths tutor for my DC who after two years explained, very nicely and politely that he felt they were no longer a 'good fit' and he didn't feel my DS was getting any benefit from the tutor sessions. I think that was a polite way of saying my DS was a lazy sod true. There were no hard feelings, we found another tutor and my DS got his maths A level and went on to study economics at Uni.

you know what, @ragwort you're bang on the money. The mother whilst witnessing this and had the sheer audacity to ACUSE ME of not having enough authority over her child, and suggested I could scream at him? That's really not my approach.. Ive taught 4 year olds who were better behaved for god sake!

OP posts:
Icetruck · 16/06/2024 08:59

there have been a few threads recently about violin teachers!

callingwith · 16/06/2024 08:59

MrsBillyhargrove · 16/06/2024 08:55

Drop them like a hot stone! Some people (the parent in this situation!!) are so dense and blame everyone else for their child’s terrible behaviour.

I couldn't agree more... I was shocked by this child's behaviour, and even more for the parent thinking i'm somehow responsible for it? The mind boggles.

OP posts:
Ioverslept · 16/06/2024 09:00

Suggest their child would benefit more from a different teacher that has a different teaching style.

callingwith · 16/06/2024 09:03

NotTerfNorCis · 16/06/2024 08:53

Not unreasonable! Hope they're not awkward about payment.

@NotTerfNorCis of course they are. Once, the child refused to cooperate for 10 minutes, so we were forced to terminate the lesson early. The parent later texted me to ask if it would be okay to pay for 10 mins less...... 🙄

OP posts:
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