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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Misbehaving student

39 replies

callingwith · 16/06/2024 08:40

Hi everyone,

I need to know if I am being unreasonable.. Long story short, I am a private violin tutor, teaching from home. A couple of months ago, I received an enquiry re some beginner lessons for a six year old. Parent seemed a bit rude from the outset but i ignored this (big mistake) but I decided to give them a chance as the child was very keen on learning.

Child and mother come to my house. It is clear DC has behavioural issues, running up and down my stairwell, going into personal bedrooms, picking the plants in my driveway etc. I put so much effort into these bloody lessons as the child would sulk and refuse to do anything, lying on the floor refusing to move etc. I would try asking him questions about our learning, the mood of the music, etc. to pique his interest.

Now I receive communication from the parent saying it is MY FAULT I can't control her child, and it is the job of the teacher to make sure they are scared of you?! Also how they do not agree with my method of "constantly questioning the child, the teacher should dictate authority to the student" They also said their child never had behavioural issues when learning piano from another teacher, which I know is completely false (who are they trying to kid?).

Am i being unreasonable to let them go? I'm a conservatoire trained violinist by the way with a class of 20. Noone has ever accused me of anything like the above!

OP posts:
Vanillaicecreams · 16/06/2024 09:05

I’m struggling to understand why you would need validation from mumsnet. If you are indeed a violin teacher this would be an easy decision - you politely drop them! Surely you’ve come across problem students/ parents before?

hockityponktas · 16/06/2024 09:10

“Your child is not ready to listen or follow instructions, he is not benefitting from these lessons and I will not be able to teach him anymore with immediate effect”

Really not worth the stress!
Some parents really are oblivious to the fact that their child’s behaviour is their responsibility. It will eventually click for them when teachers/tutors/randoms keep batting the behaviour issues back on to them!

callingwith · 16/06/2024 09:12

Vanillaicecreams · 16/06/2024 09:05

I’m struggling to understand why you would need validation from mumsnet. If you are indeed a violin teacher this would be an easy decision - you politely drop them! Surely you’ve come across problem students/ parents before?

@Vanillaicecreams actually, no my experience of problem students is quite limited hence this post asking for advice. This parent does nothing "politely" and are incredibly arrogant thinking their child is god's gift. Not to mention they look down upon me due to my age.

OP posts:
twoshedsjackson · 16/06/2024 09:18

It's probably best to suggest that another teacher, or another instrument, might be a "better fit" for this child. In my experience (organising individual tuition in a school setting) it can take a while for the truth to dawn on a parent that the problem might be their child. Sometimes, being a little older does help, or finding the instrument the child really wants to learn - or indeed if the child has the slightest interest in learning an instrument at all!

Keepthosenamesgoing · 16/06/2024 09:19

Thehop · 16/06/2024 08:46

You're quite right, we are not well matched. Lessons will not continue with me and I wish Jonny well in his music endeavours.

This!

Twiglets1 · 16/06/2024 09:25

The parent sounds awful.

Time to bring an end to the relationship and you will probably feel lighter when it’s done. The mother sounds a toxic presence in your life you don’t need.

DawnMumsnet · 16/06/2024 15:26

Hi all, we closed this thread earlier so we could take a look behind the scenes as we'd had reports about a similar/reverse thread. Now we've checked things out, we're reinstating this one as we have no reason to think the OP's not genuine. We have, however, deleted the other thread as it looks like that one was posted in bad faith.

Sorry for the disruption, OP!

jackstini · 16/06/2024 16:10

Just do it!

"Understand you do not agree with my methods so happy to terminate contract with no notice"

ThunderQween · 16/06/2024 16:14

Let them go. You are the authority here. They need you more than you need them

ilovesooty · 16/06/2024 16:14

Just drop them and rewrite your contract to take payment in advance of sessions.

ThinWomansBrain · 16/06/2024 16:16

Ioverslept · 16/06/2024 09:00

Suggest their child would benefit more from a different teacher that has a different teaching style.

or better parents.

NeedToChangeName · 16/06/2024 16:20

Remember, this forum is anonymous but not private

Unless you've changed sufficient details that the parent can't recognise themselves, it's not professional to post details online

callingwith · 16/06/2024 21:42

NeedToChangeName · 16/06/2024 16:20

Remember, this forum is anonymous but not private

Unless you've changed sufficient details that the parent can't recognise themselves, it's not professional to post details online

I am aware and have of course changed details re. the parent and student. I don't think any person would be that unaware

OP posts:
cherish123 · 16/06/2024 21:44

YANBU
She clearly can't control her child

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