To want to say something re this tipping situation?

[Menopuddled]

I work in a restaurant/pub.

Over the last couple of months a lady has come in on my shift 3 times, twice with a friend, once with I’m guessing her son and DIL.

Each time the meal has been paid for in cash and a reasonable cash tip left.

There has been no issue with the meal, everyone seemed to enjoy the food and the experience.

But here's the odd thing. Each time after leaving the pub, she's come back in and said she's changed her mind about the tip, and asked for the note back.

The first two times I gave her the money back and queried that the evening was okay and she muttered something that didn't really make sense.

I'd decided that if it happened again I'd refer her to management, but she caught another member of staff from the bar who just returned it out of my jar while I was occupied elsewhere and told me later.

I really don't mind people not tipping, whole it's nice and a sign of appreciation, I'm fully aware that some people just don't believe in tipping and that's fine, but to tip and the ask for it bavkit very strange.

I've surmised that the tipping is performative? She wants to be thought of as generous but them waits until she's not observed to retrieve the tip (I'm not sure on this but she certainly asked the tip back when she was alone, and after some time after leaving).

Also I wonder if other members of the party have contributed to the tip? If so, she's worst case stealing from friends or family, best case going against their tipping ethos without permission?

I'm trying to think of a polite way to acknowledge the tip but refuse it next time while staying true to the customer/server dynamic.

AIBU to address it?

I would just leave it, give it back to her and chalk it up to her being weird. I’m not sure it’s worth addressing it other than embarrassing her when you don’t know what’s going on in the background

How bizarre! I would first talk to management with the aim of getting them to agree a policy that tips are non refundable and to put up a sign saying that.

Then, I would speak to the customer when she's asks for her tip back to say the policy is going to be brought in so in future she might prefer just to not give a tip.

Then simply not give it back after that.

It's so weird, plus it's open to abuse by people saying they've left a tip but now want it back. I think management just needs to take a stance on it and be clear.

I mean,I'd be tempted to say something at the point she tips, like "are you sure, as you've come back to ask for the tip to be returned quite a few times now?"

If she isn't tipping anyway, what's to lose?

Everyone is contributing to the tip, then she collects it all = profit.

Is the tip rescinder the one who is actually paying the bill? My guess is she's being treated, but is a miserable cow and thinks tipping is undeserved, so she pockets the money herself.

Have you spoken to a manager in preparation for it happening again, if not just mention it and see what they'd do in that situation

I'd be asking them in order to cover my own arse really as if there's a next time I'd just discreetly look her in the eye, mouth "It'll save you having to come back in later" and leave it on the table.

If they complain you've embarrassed them at least the manager will know what it's really about and that you hadn't just refused the tip.

Yes, do this. And report back.

What fascinatingly weird behaviour.

Are you able to tell whether she's the one performatively tipping? Is your restaurant expensive? Does she appear to need the money?

Next time just leave the tip on the table or bring cash change with the bill so you can give her the exact change.

Then just say "I'm only taking the exact money to save you coming back to get a refund on your tip again"

Or just take the tip and say "are you sure you want to leave a tip? I only ask as you've returned to take the tip back the last 3 times you dined here."

Totally bizarre behavior would love to know the psychology

Is she using fake notes and hoping they'll be exchanged back to her for a real one when she wants the tip back?

I'd do as the pp suggested. While they are all there, ask her if she's sure because the last few times she's come back in to ask for it back.

I would guess it is a charade to appear decent in front of others.
I would simply ensure she had the correct change as others have said and let her know that as she has returned to reclaim the tip on the last three occasions she has been served by you this time she should simply take her change.

Or say sorry but it is the new policy that tips are only returned if the whole party comes back in to ask. Say you'll be happy to hang around a bit while she gets everyone back.

No one is going to get that being mouthed at them you'll have to actually verbalise it unless you know she can lip read

Some good suggestions here. If management will get on board with a non refundable tip sign that would be best. Or if not kill her with kindness on the next visit and ask if she’s sure about the tip since she’s repeatedly asked for it back before.

This was my first thought.

Sounds like everyone else is chipping in with a tip and she's coming back after the others have gone to get the tip back

Not sure what the solution is

I don't know what solution is best for this but she has some balls to ask for a tip back so do not feel bad about having the same balls to embarrass her the next time she tries it. Nicely of course. Something polite and passive aggressive that puts her to her fellow diners.

*outs not puts.

Refuse her tip next time and explain why.

She’s stealing from the rest of the group

That is so wierd. I'd definitely say tips are not refundable! Also the other person who refunded out of your jar was BU because how did they know how much she'd tipped. This is all very wierd.
I'd say that management should deal with any tip refund requests!

This, how big is the tip?

yep this

I did also wonder about fake note but like how big can the tip be.... if its not £50 plus its hardly worth it...

So she came back and said "I tipped X over there £10 and I want it back"? How would the other waitress know that figure was right?