To want to say something re this tipping situation?

[Menopuddled]

I work in a restaurant/pub.

Over the last couple of months a lady has come in on my shift 3 times, twice with a friend, once with I’m guessing her son and DIL.

Each time the meal has been paid for in cash and a reasonable cash tip left.

There has been no issue with the meal, everyone seemed to enjoy the food and the experience.

But here's the odd thing. Each time after leaving the pub, she's come back in and said she's changed her mind about the tip, and asked for the note back.

The first two times I gave her the money back and queried that the evening was okay and she muttered something that didn't really make sense.

I'd decided that if it happened again I'd refer her to management, but she caught another member of staff from the bar who just returned it out of my jar while I was occupied elsewhere and told me later.

I really don't mind people not tipping, whole it's nice and a sign of appreciation, I'm fully aware that some people just don't believe in tipping and that's fine, but to tip and the ask for it bavkit very strange.

I've surmised that the tipping is performative? She wants to be thought of as generous but them waits until she's not observed to retrieve the tip (I'm not sure on this but she certainly asked the tip back when she was alone, and after some time after leaving).

Also I wonder if other members of the party have contributed to the tip? If so, she's worst case stealing from friends or family, best case going against their tipping ethos without permission?

I'm trying to think of a polite way to acknowledge the tip but refuse it next time while staying true to the customer/server dynamic.

AIBU to address it?

I didn’t know you could get a tip back - I assumed once you’d paid, that was it. Next time, I wouldn’t refuse the tip, but I’d refuse to give it back, if necessary saying that she was the only person who had ever done this, and management had decided that once a bill had been paid including a tip, no refund would be possible.

I'd say this in front of the son and dil. I'm sure she has form for this. Maybe the embarrassment will stop her nonsense.

How rude!
Next time she comes by I would tell her (after payment) if she is sure she wants to tip since the two last times she came back later to reclaim it.

how much is the tip a fiver or a lot more sounds like she is being treated and thinks this is a great way to make a bit of cash very weird

Someone else is paying it, she's collecting it.

If she does it again tell her there wasn't a tip on the table

I don't think there's much you can do other than collectively acknowledge that any tip she gives will be removed and discounted almost immediately. I've never known anyone to do such a thing. But it's not worth barring her over, so she's just gonna be one of those customers you'll have a negative opinion about before they've even spoken one word!

Sadly, she sounds to me like the kind of CF who is thoroughly unembarrassable and will quite probably deny it anyway, if challenged and go all DARVO.

I'd understand if it were once and, say you were in a foreign country, unfamiliar with the currency, and accidentally tipped the equivalent of £1,000 when you'd meant to give £10; but OP hasn't said that the tip amounts were particularly unusual/remarkable, and every single time?!?!

I would refuse the tip and explain why at the table so the others know what's happening.

This is definitely the best customer-facing and professional way to deal with it. Get management to officially give the free light to a no refunded tips policy.

You could always set aside the exact amount of the tip - even better if it's been rounded up so it's a random amount rather than a round figure - and put it in an envelope, labelled something like "Table 4, Sat 15/06/24 19:20, 3 covers - £20.41 tip to return to lady with grey hair and glasses in the red coat - presuming will return later and ask for the table's tip back as usual"

Even though she is shameless, that should still make her take a step back and realise that you're well and truly on to her.

I'd also be inclined to knock up a form headed 'Request to Return Tips' and say she needs to complete it before you can refund her. Tell her it's a new requirement by order of the management, who are concerned about customers potentially being dissatisfied but feeling too awkward to complain outright, as they've noticed a spate of such cases - they are keen to record and monitor all instances, so that they can follow up repeat patterns and ensure that any negative issues can be addressed to the customers' satisfaction.

Honestly, I don’t think you are remotely obliged to return a tip to her. It’s your money. I would probably have done it the first time and been really worried about what I had done wrong, but I actually think I’d have stood my ground the second time and politely brought the manager into the conversation to resolve things. Just to see how she attempted to justify it.

And if I were a manager, I’d back you up. Customers who take the piss aren’t entitled to be endlessly indulged.

Assuming that she isn't blagging somebody else to pay for her food for her as well, I wonder if she enthuses at the end of the meal about how wonderful the service was, and how she truly wishes that she wasn't on such a tight budget and could afford to give them the tip that they really do deserve.

Then, once she's cajoled her dining companions to tip at least the equivalent cost of her meal, she nips back afterwards to effectively bag herself a freebie!

All just ponderous conjecture on my part, of course...

She is getting the tip back without her friends knowledge. Or fake notes. Wow what a nerve.

How would you describe this woman? Anything suspicious?

Ask her in front of her co-diners if she'd like a receipt for the tip as she always returns to request it's refunded.

Deliberately give her table the most abysmal service next time - so her dining companions don't leave any tip at all, and there's nothing for her to come back and snaffle

This.

Wow I've never in my life heard of someone wanting a tip back . There are some weird people out there .

You could really put the cat among the pigeons by telling her that one of her dining companions has already been back in to have the tip returned to them

That's genius 😂