To be annoyed about neighbour giving DD alcohol

[Trumpett]

DD11 told me that when she was at a recent BBQ next door, the Mum gave her and her friend a WKD to share.

Now I’m not totally opposed to kids having a try of alcoholic drinks, I grew up being allowed a weak shandy at a party or a tiny wine and lemonade with a meal. I believe if you totally deny kids of something they’ll just do it behind your back, so I’d rather my kids feel they can be honest with me and I know what they’re up to.

But, my neighbour doesn’t know my feelings around my kids drinking alcohol. She’s only 11, I wouldn’t mind her tasting a WKD but I’m not comfortable with her having half a bottle without me even knowing. She’s never had alcohol before, she’s never shown any interest in it or any desire to try it.

For context and so I’m not drip feeding - we’ve lived next door to our neighbours for 5 years, our daughters are a similar age so they’re close friends. DH and I get on with Mum & Dad, we’re ‘mates’ but I wouldn’t call them true friends. I was at home working at the time so a quick text or knock on the door “is it ok if X has a bit of WKD?” Wouldn’t have gone a miss. I’m not sure what my answer would have been but I just feel like it’s not ok to give kids alcohol without checking with the parents first.

Interested to know other parents thoughts on this to provide some perspective. I’m not sure how annoyed I should be, on one hand it’s only a small amount of alcohol, but to me it feels like the Mum has broken my trust as I would never give her DD11 alcohol.

I’d be annoyed, 11?! No way, like you say she should have asked you first.

I wouldn’t allow an underage child to drink on my property without their parents’ permission.

Definitely NBU!! Not something I would ever do with someone else's under 18 child, let alone an 11yo.

Forgive me, I don’t mean to seem harsh or too forthright but …

You are her parent.
Parent your child as you see fit.

Hopefully it can be done diplomatically and others on here might help with that but to me it’s the “thin end of the wedge” so draw the line now. Keep your girl a child as long as you can because there’s a tsunami of sh*t you will all have to face soon enough.

11!!!!!!!!!!

Come on, that’s insane.

I was fairly lax, but at 11, this is completely unacceptable.

My values around this are completely opposite to someone who would give 2 11yos a bottle of alcohol to drink.

I'd be annoyed, yes.

I'd vote that you are being unreasonable.....for being on the fence about giving an 11 year old alcohol! She's still a child, why did the 'responsible' adults in charge think they needed to give children alcohol? I would be really angry at the neighbours for not only doing it but also for not saying anything to you about it.

Purely because it would be such a bloody outrageous thing to do, could it have possibly been one of the blue alcohol free ones? They still have WKD on the front, so a child wouldn’t know the difference, but she might have thought it was ok? Although I think they only come in cans, not bottles.

If it was alcohol, I’d be furious. We would not be mates any longer and DD wouldn’t be going round her house again. If you want to be a ‘cool mum’ then you do it with your own kids. Not someone else’s.

Thank you

I would not offer to a child and I would not keep on offering to someone that said, no!!

I would watch my kids if they were around adults with drinks as we used to and our kids played with kids of their own age

However, stuff happens and you need to ahdve a good word with DD and a polite word and find out why he/she gave her the drink and what was the exact drim

I was expecting you to say 16 or 17 and even then you wouldn't be unreasonable because although I'm very easy going I'd never assume another parent was ok with this.

11 is too young, a sip is OK but not half a bottle and not someone else's child.

I'd tell the other mum my child had said this and see if it's true , go for this this can't be true but just checking angle. If true and have no issues saying I'm not happy and be prepared to end the friendship over this. If she apologises and is suitably embarrassed , I'd be friendly but careful in the future.

YANBU, but I would go and check whether it was definitely an alcoholic drink and, if it was, make clear that you don't want your 11 year old being served alcohol.

This was just a family BBQ, not a big party/boozey affair, I had no reason to think that a responsible adult would give my child an alcoholic drink.
My daughter has also never shown any interest in ever even wanting to try an alcoholic drink so I had no reason to have any concern over her drinking. I don’t actually think my daughter is at fault, she was offered a drink by a trusted adult so she thought it was ok to have it.
The adult concerned is also a teacher so you’d think she could be trusted to look after children.

I thought you were going to say she’s 15 or something.

11! YANBU.

I've got two older kids and was happy for them to have a small drink like that from 13 at a family thing. I have an 11 year old now and I'd be fucking raging if anyone gave him drink. Eleven is far, far too young. They just don't need it!

You have got a point - I think they do a non alcoholic version, maybe it was that. But on the other hand if it was non alcoholic why only allow them 1 bottle to share?
I need to ask the mum, I just hate confrontation and wasn’t sure whether I was just overreacting. But from everyone’s response, sounds like I’m not.

Same, I'm pretty chill but this has always been one of my rules. I won't supply other people's under 16s with alcohol unless there's been communication with the parents. Preferably they bring their own! Same with giving mine some to take to parties, only enough for themselves.

Good point by a previous poster that it was possibly non - alcoholic. Even then, why would you even put the idea in an 11 year olds head that they think they are drinking. Strange.

Maybe still just shared a bottle because it's fizzy and sugary and dyed blue. So maybe she was being super thoughtful not to give them rubbish? Hopefully it's that!

At 11 I would be outraged and very cross with the neighbour. At 15 or 16 it's not such a big deal.

Or maybe didn't have many of the alcohol free

11 is completely unacceptable- I would be fine now as DD is 15 and she has the odd glass with me but WKD at that age is wrong

If it was alcohol then that is wild and I would be so annoyed
Definitely start out by asking if it's true

She’s 11? I’d be fricking fuming. That’s ridiculous.