To be annoyed about neighbour giving DD alcohol

[Trumpett]

DD11 told me that when she was at a recent BBQ next door, the Mum gave her and her friend a WKD to share.

Now I’m not totally opposed to kids having a try of alcoholic drinks, I grew up being allowed a weak shandy at a party or a tiny wine and lemonade with a meal. I believe if you totally deny kids of something they’ll just do it behind your back, so I’d rather my kids feel they can be honest with me and I know what they’re up to.

But, my neighbour doesn’t know my feelings around my kids drinking alcohol. She’s only 11, I wouldn’t mind her tasting a WKD but I’m not comfortable with her having half a bottle without me even knowing. She’s never had alcohol before, she’s never shown any interest in it or any desire to try it.

For context and so I’m not drip feeding - we’ve lived next door to our neighbours for 5 years, our daughters are a similar age so they’re close friends. DH and I get on with Mum & Dad, we’re ‘mates’ but I wouldn’t call them true friends. I was at home working at the time so a quick text or knock on the door “is it ok if X has a bit of WKD?” Wouldn’t have gone a miss. I’m not sure what my answer would have been but I just feel like it’s not ok to give kids alcohol without checking with the parents first.

Interested to know other parents thoughts on this to provide some perspective. I’m not sure how annoyed I should be, on one hand it’s only a small amount of alcohol, but to me it feels like the Mum has broken my trust as I would never give her DD11 alcohol.

I think I’d report the adult if it was alcoholic just because you don’t have an idea what pp says she’s done before re this. A teacher ffs what is she thinking?

I would be livid at age 11. 16 less so. It's really wrong

my apologies,

as an extra question if its legal then hows it any different than eg a drink of coffee or tea or cola coke ?

Which bit are you on about?

The child drinking the alcohol?
An adult giving alcohol to a child?
A teacher giving alcohol to a child?

as in having the drinks available at a bbq type setting thats a private event overseen by responsible adults and is legal ? why can some drinks be a cause for mis conduct when all those drinks that are available at the bbq are legal to drink ?

Yeah. My kid wouldn't be spending time at that house again.

Erm....Because cola is widely regarded as a children's drink, and alcohol isn't? 🤦🏻‍♀️

that i can understand, its more the puzzlement that from a legal perspective its puzzling, but agree the law should be changed for it to be 16+ for alcohol in a private setting

Nobody should be giving anyone else’s child alcohol without permission, ever.

I’d also add that I come from a family with a very relaxed attitude to alcohol, but absolutely no way would I or anyone else in my family be giving a bottle of any alcopop to an 11-year-old. Alcopops are just about the worst possible way to introduce a kid to alcohol because they don’t even taste of alcohol. A splash of wine mixed with soda water, a shandy, or a 250ml bottle of a weak beer, or a small Prosecco at a wedding or something would be a lot more sensible because most kids actually don’t really like the taste of proper alcoholic drinks and will drink them very slowly and probably won’t ask for more because it takes a good while to get used to the taste. It means they are acutely aware of what they’re drinking. But a WKD or a Bacardi Breezer just tastes like a fun soft drink and that sends out a really poor message.

11 is also very young.

It’s different because coffee, tea and cola don’t cause intoxication. When was the last time you heard of someone’s kid ending up in A&E because they’d been drinking cans of Pepsi with their mates in the park? There’s a reason that a child can walk into Starbucks alone and buy a venti cappuccino, but not walk into a pub and buy a glass of wine.

Personally don’t see it as a big deal. I was allowed the same as a child now and again and I hardly drink as an adult.

I would be shocked. And furious.

11!! I'd be furious and I'm liberal in letter my teens drink. She isn't even a teen yet.

Also I don't give other peoples kids anything to drink without at least knowing parent views. Also if my teen son has a girl over I absolutely don't give her drink.

I’d be livid. Absolutely livid.

I wouldn't be overly bothered about someone giving my child half a bottle of WKD, any more than that would be an issue at 11. I remember being given small amounts at that age from my friends parents, they were lovely and always looked out for us.
I do fully appreciate some parents would be upset and so I wouldn't give any alcohol to someone else's child.

Like others, I assumed this was going to be about a 6th former - 16 / 17.

If this did happen, then I would be fuming too.

But, as Any teacher giving alcohol to an 11 year old would have a VERY difficult time convincing the Teaching Regulation Agency it was reasonable conduct and they weren't "bringing the profession into disrepute". It doesn't matter whether or not it's on school premises or the teacher is the teacher of the child, it's likely to be gross misconduct in a Teacher's contract and standards of employment. There's more responsibility to being a teacher than just not-doing-illegal-stuff I would be astounded if she did, so would go and ask directly.

Oh come on!

Alcohol makes you drunk.

Statistically speaking those given alcohol young are more likely to become problem drinkers.

You may not have developed a drinking problem - because not everyone exposed to alcohol young does develop a drinking problem - but you were put at increased risk and it could have turned out differently.

My friend's mum used to crack out the Smirnoff ices for us from year 7 onwards. I loved it but it was definitely something we just did there, it didn't start a whole drinking thing for me! I'm not sure I would be that bothered about my kid having half an alcopop at someone's house, they'll do it at some point. I would still probably judge the mum for trying to be a "cool mum" though. and I'm not sure I would be serving them up myself when hosting, I'm ok with not being "cool"!

Same!

No wonder Britain has a drinking problem, when people think it's okay to give a minor (and an 11 year old one at that!) alcohol.

This