Fil smacked me on the bottom

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Fil (it's dh step dad) offered to help decorate our living room. So I said yes since dh has dyspraxia and can't really help. When I was climbing up the ladder Fil smacked / spanked me on the bottom. I just froze for a second as I was speechless and then just carried on. I didn't say anything because I was shocked and am too socially anxious to say anything.

i told dh, and he didn't say much other than if it happens again he will say something.

AIBU to be annoyed and think it's a violation of my personal space, and very inappropriate of Fil?

Ugh, what a pig.
What is he like usually? How long have you known each other?
Of course it's easy to say from afar or think afterwards, but I'd have had to turn to him and ask him if he's taken leave of his senses (or more realistically, what the fuck was that for!?).

And in true mn spirit but I mean it, you also have a DH problem. He should talk to his dad.

Suggest he goes up the ladder and do the same but with a cricket bat. When he looks confused just explain you thought it was what you do.

Know him for years. Nothing like this had happened before so I was really shocked.

I understand your shock and why you didn't respond.

He's disgusting and this shouldn't go unmentioned.

One of you should say something. "If you ever do that again, you'll never be invited back " should do it.

Is there previous behaviour you haven't mentioned?

It sounds like a random impulse which he really should have controlled rather than a determination to undermine and upset you in the moment. BUT to have that impulse in the first place shows him up as buying in to misogynistic crap, and the failure to control it shows a disregard towards you I would be very upset by.

It's easy to give all the things you could and should have said at the time but a)it's so hard to stick up for yourself especially when anxious anyway and b) the responsibility is on him to behave not you to react! So with that in mind, I would be talking to you DH again, telling him you are upset and although you don't want a row you do expect him to talk to his dad about this as you need to know he is.on your side and you want to be able to move on from it.

I think it should be dh who has the conversation with his step dad. But dh doesn't seem to think it is an issue and said he will say something if it happens again.
This has made me lose respect for both fil and dh.

OP dig deep and say something your self.

‘ Don’t ever do that again it made me feel really uncomfortable'

I actually wouldn’t be able to look at my DH again because of his spineless attitude to it

I totally disagree. Your DH wasn’t there. The person who was disrespected should have the conversation. Are you your own woman or your DH’s possession?

It's your arse he smacked, it should be you. He'll brush off your DH and because he wasn't there, they'll be nowhere to go with it. Phone FIL to start things off.

It sounds like an impulse like has been said. Try w sort of thing you'd do to your partner or maybe young children playfully.

Who knows, maybe he's equally mortified?

But without knowing, it will make you feel deeply uncomfortable. If that is the case, it would have better for him to mention it at the time and apologise

“…dh doesn't seem to think it is an issue…”

Thats because he’s a male and doesn’t have a clue how intimidating and demeaning it is when a man does that to a woman. He probably doesn’t even know why it’s an issue. Male privilege.

I would give him the words “random says you slapped her when she was on the ladder yesterday - she says if you ever lay a finger in her again you’d not be welcome here. No, it’s not just horseplay, you don’t touch her ok? It’s just not appropriate. What were you thinking? You can’t just touch women like that dad.”

"What did you do that for" would have been my response in a tone of voice that would have left him under no illusion that it wasn't acceptable.

Bring it up in front of your MiL, then see what happens…..

It was just a silly impulse thing. Nothing to get worked up over

Yes it's inappropriate . But it was just a joke.

Said the office bully.

Yuck, he shouldn't even be thinking of doing this! Looking at his daughter in law in a sexual way, grim as fuck. DON'T let him get away with it

Christ you're ridiculous. Yes im a bully because i can see ots an impulse thing ..... The op has a relationship with her fil. Ahe should have called him put on it. Don't tell me you have Never done anything on impulse that is a tad inappropriate

@Maddy70 why is he having the impulse to smack his daughter in laws arse? Stop being a pervert apologist, it's not the 70s anymore.

What a load of apologist tosh. He touched you inappropriately OP. Absolutely call him out on his rank behaviour. What a pig.

Oh be quiet @Namerchangee

I didn't apologise. I'm suggesting a plausible version of events. Scroll on if you disagree.

You're right, I have said things I've regretted and apologised for.

Not ignored or excused or blamed someone else for.

Why should it be DH? FIL smacked you- you deal with it. If you want DH in the room to witness the conversation go ahead but stand up for yourself and be very clear with this creep.

how old is FIL? could he have some form of dementia or something? even early stages? if the behaviour is out of character it's a possibility

It's unacceptable! I'd probably have done the same as you but it's sad that in our country we don't feel empowered to say get your fucking hands off me you're completely out of line!!
Your DH SHOULD address it asap, perhaps impulsive however it'll put a long term strain on relationships if it's not addressed

I actually agree with this. I think it’s on you to say something to him. It is on your DH to support you/your decision if it comes to arguing etc.