Fil smacked me on the bottom

55 replies

UsernameRandomA1 · 15/06/2024 06:43

Fil (it's dh step dad) offered to help decorate our living room. So I said yes since dh has dyspraxia and can't really help. When I was climbing up the ladder Fil smacked / spanked me on the bottom. I just froze for a second as I was speechless and then just carried on. I didn't say anything because I was shocked and am too socially anxious to say anything.

i told dh, and he didn't say much other than if it happens again he will say something.

AIBU to be annoyed and think it's a violation of my personal space, and very inappropriate of Fil?

OP posts:

Newestname002 · 15/06/2024 13:38

UsernameRandomA1 · 15/06/2024 08:08

I think it should be dh who has the conversation with his step dad. But dh doesn't seem to think it is an issue and said he will say something if it happens again.
This has made me lose respect for both fil and dh.

No OP. You were the one he laid hands on - you are a grown woman with a voice of your own so use it. Please don't be conciliatory when you speak to him either. Make it clear he crossed boundaries. If that means you decorate without him in future, or need to pay a decorator, then do that. You don't have to put up with any behaviour you don't want - and that goes for your husband's non support too. Why should you wait for your FIL's behaviour to be repeated before anything is said to him? 🌹

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 15/06/2024 14:43

Maddy70 · 15/06/2024 08:24

It was just a silly impulse thing. Nothing to get worked up over

Yes it's inappropriate . But it was just a joke.

What, exactly, was the funny bit?

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 25/06/2024 11:22

INeedTheStuff · 15/06/2024 10:16

@UsernameRandomA1 ignore all the i would have said this people. My response would have also been to freeze and say nothing, as we have been conditioned to accept this behaviour but what a worrying amount of posters have said. I’m sorry your DH has not got your back either.
I would tell DH that your FIL isn’t allowed back and that he needs to suggest he goes to the Gp for a dementia assessment.

I completely get this, but I also disagree.
Asking her DH to speak to his FiL about it is effectively asking the men to sit down and discuss whether or not its acceptable to put your unwelcome hands on a woman.
If we don't start standing up for ourselves and calling men out, things won't change.
My FiL once called me (jokingly) my 'DH's bitch' in front of my DH and in laws. and I stood up and told him to apologise or leave my home and don't return. Yes its difficult and it feels so confrontational when most of us women haven't been raised to be like that, but I don't need men to speak for me and decide what's right for me. I can do that for myself.

Buryyiirwhat · 25/06/2024 12:48

I would have told him to keep his fucking hands to himself! I’d be tempted to message him, say that he was out of order and that you’d appreciate it if he never touched you again.

Buryyiirwhat · 25/06/2024 12:49

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 15/06/2024 14:43

What, exactly, was the funny bit?

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Yes, where’s the funny part in having your FIL touch an intimate area?
Men need to be called out in this EVERY single time, no matter who it is or where it is.
EVERY time.

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