Moving miles away from parent in care home

[DazedandConfusedbyPolitics]

My parent has dementia, is bed bound and in full time care for the last 9 months. I looked after said parent for 10 years, on my own through Covid and after. I now have the opportunity to move 200 miles away for my husbands new job, and live in an area that is much nicer than where we are now. I'd still visit parent, probably monthly rather than weekly, and phone often.

My siblings, 3 of them, who have done little to help over the years, are telling me I'm selfish to "abandon" our parent. They also visit parent every week. I'm the youngest of 4, will be 63 in September and really would like some time for DH and I to do our own thing for a while.

AIBU/selfish? I'm not going to get any younger, parent is showing every sign of outliving all offspring! and has 3 other kids, not just me. Husband has said his acceptance of job is up to me but I know its his last chance (because of our age) to do something he's always wanted, even if only for a few years.

Sorry long and rambling post. Thank you if you've got this far.

Well done OP! wishing you all the best with your new life. :)

I would remind my siblings about those 10 years you spent caring on your own and then I would pack my bags and go. It's not so far away that you couldn't go more often than once a month if your mum became ill

Wonderful update op.💐💐💐

Well done op, that’s amazing.

"I looked after mum on my own for 10 years while you got to live your lives without that responsibility. Now it's my turn to live mine"

Oops. Missed a page! I'm glad that they realised that for themselves (albeit grudgingly). Great result!

Thanks so much for the update @DazedandConfusedbyPolitics, excellent news! Wishing you all the best with your move and DHs new job.

64 yr old here. I'm an only child so did all the caring - first for my parents and then for my late husband.

You've done your bit, OP. Once a month is fine. Your siblings are pissed off because they'll have to step up and be the main contacts now.

Go have your life. You're entitled to it.

ETA Also missed the update.

I'm another one with a useless sibling. We should start a club!

Definitely go for it OP! I think you've certainly done more than your fair share already.
And, saying this with love AND experience, once someone with dementia gets to the bed-bound stage, honestly, you're not looking at much more time anyway. We're talking weeks and months. Certainly not years.

Well, yes. I don’t like saying it but I live in the world we have. Sometimes, if what you are doing doesn’t work, a different method of getting your message across is required.

To wit (JK Rowling, Hilary Cass, Helen Staniland, Karyn Lisignoli, Katherine Deves, Rosie Duffield, Joanna Cherry, Elaine Miller, Maya Forstater, Stella O’Malley, Riley Gaines, Lynne Pinches, Megyn Kelly et al) DO NOT EQUAL one Tony Blair.