Should grandparents have the right to access their grandchildren if the parents don't want this?

[Life2Short4Nonsense]

Came across a discussion about the rights of grandparents to see the grandchildren if this goes against the parents' wishes.

Should grandparents be able to use the courts to get access to their grandchildren or should the parents be able to decide, as long as they are fit parents?

YABU: Grandparents should have the right to have access, unless a judge decides otherwise.

YANBU: The parents should decide, unless the parents are unfit to parent.

It's not about getting away with it, it's about keeping my child safe

yes, I am sure it is, for some people, but for many, it is just a fall out, and the parents are as likely to be in the wrong as the grandparents

Unfortunately it does happen. There are countries were grandparents can file a motion with the courts to be allowed to see their grandchildren. A court might allow this if the grandparents used to be in frequent contact with the grandchildren.

No

I am having trouble seeing this.

Can you give some examples of parents being in the wrong in such a case?

well, I see it at school, often enough, fall out between parents and grandparents, its just as likely to be parents in the wrong, isn't it. Nothing about age makes you more likely to be the person being unreasonable in an arguement

I will sadly admit that the less my FIL has to do with my son the better. Not only is he unadmirable as a person (stingy, asking my husband to lie to MIL about things, compliments himself but never heard him so much as say "you look nice" to MIL), he's been very rude to me over the years, including on my wedding day (BIL and MIL both apologising for him).

This escalated during my pregnancy, where he made actively mean comments repeatedly. Often on the down low when no one was listening.

I invite MIL over on days he's working, and he makes angled comments about wanting to see more of my son. Frankly, he only serves as an example of bad behaviour.

I took sincerely doubt that many good grandparents are being kept from grandchildren's lives. And kicking down at the mother of your grandchildren when she's nervous and feeling vulnerable puts you straight on the shit list.

I was the grandchild who wondered why I had to keep visiting grandparents who'd been awful to my mum - I found it really confusing that I was supposed to bond with people who'd been horrible to a little girl before.

Absolutely not.

Parents are adults who make decisions in the best interests of their children. That’s all / their decision is final.

That's still pretty vague. What do the parents do that makes them be in the wrong?

No.

They've had their chance to parent. If they produce kids who don't want them to see their grandchildren, that's too bad.

Sometimes it might be unfair, sometimes it might be the parents who are maniacs, but on the whole, parents don't randomly want to deprive their children of the joy of a relationship with grandparents for no reason. We cannot have a law which fixes the minority of unfair cases to the detriment of the reasonable majority.

This

My in-laws were denied access to their grandchildren after my DH and his first wife split up. It broke their hearts. DH was also denied contact for a while by his ex wife.

I am not sure how it could work, but there are certainly some cases where it would be very much in the interests of the child for a grandparent to remain a part of their life. Equally the other way.

I don't know if it is always best to have contact with Grandparents, even decent ones when the Dad is absent through choice. They may have a full life and pretty much forget about Dad when that side of the family is not involved, but when they are involved they may feel rejection. Why is it the mothers responsibility anyway? If the Grandparents would like contact, push Dad to be a decent parent and gain contact on his time.

I do think any decision has to be in the interest of the child. Not the grandparents.

My children have never met my husbands father. He was abusive to my husband and bil and neither of them have anything to do with him. They also both said that the children should not be allowed near him to prevent them being at risk.

My mil - while very kind and loving towards the children - has alcohol addiction issues meaning she is never left alone with the children.

If any court order forced contact between my children and them (particularly fil) I would happily break those court orders.

Tricky one. It depends on how much one trusts the courts, I suppose. Because that should allow for the abusive or alcohol situations.

I can see a situation that if my father had died, my mother may have restricted or cut off my paternal grandparent's access. And I can also see some men in his situation would have taken their wife's side over their parents or 'have an easy life'. (She was not keen on them as they had not been keen on her when my parents met.)

However, my life would have been worse without them.

Totally agree with this. I am a grandparent.

I think the current rules where grandparents can apply to court but need to meet quite high standards of it being in the child's best interests, so needs quite a serious input already into a child's life is best.

My SiL lived with her mother and estranged from the child's father who never saw him however when my nephew was 7 she died of cancer. That child's home was with his grandmother however some here would give the father the right to walk in and remove the child and seveŕ all contact with the grandmother.

😂 I don’t know any teenager at that age desperate to spend time with Grandparents, even when they do have a good relationship with them, so I think that’s wishful thinking on someone’s part.

We have countless very good reasons for keeping our children away from my mother in law. If she tried to take us to court I would fight tooth and nail against it. Just because she gave birth to my husband shouldn’t mean she has rights at all over his children.

The family courts can't keep up with contact cases for parents.

No

Absolutely.

I can relate to this.

Yes, as grandparents want to be a part of their grandchildrens' lives and if for whatever reason parents deny access it can be upsetting for grandparents if they don't understand why they are not allowed to see or spend time with their grandchildren. I was in a situation where my ex-partner restricted what my parents did with my children or would only allow things they wanted to do on his terms, and at one point he wouldn't allow my parents to visit unless he was present with the odd exception. On one occasion he stopped them taking my eldest for a walk when she was a baby as they took longer than expected bringing her back. I didn't believe they had done anything wrong or would do anything to hurt my children and they were afraid that if they went against his wishes, he would turn round and say they weren't to see or have anything to do with us. I think my parents would have put up a fight if they could but didn't want to cause upset. Now I am out of that relationship I let them do what they want and have nothing against them seeing us, helping us or looking after the children.