School taking child out of school for festivals, but expecting me to pick up from somewhere else and at an earlier time than finish of school.

[Roofie17]

My DD school have adopted a policy of not arranging transport for pupils to take them to and from sports festivals etc. They always asked for volunteers and some staff would use their cars (head etc had business use Ins) but they do not have a minibus. They sometimes have the use of a bus to take them, but ask that parents pick them up from our nearest secondary where the festivals are held, which is 8/9 miles from our village and the pick up time is generally at 3pm, 15 minutes earlier than DD would normally finish school. My husband and I both work and I am so fed up of going cap in hand to the other mums asking one of them to pick up and it always seems that they're a little reluctant to do it, I even had one saying "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this". We are in a fairly affluent area and 6 of the children in my daughters class have parents that work in the school , and the rest don't work or work very few hours, so we are definitely odd ones out. We both work full time because we have to work full time. I work as a learning support assistant (TA) in a local college, so my holiday is taken during the school hols and its frowned on to take time off apart from that as our learners need us too. I'm just so fed up with feeling so anxious about asking others and yesterday we received another email to say that they were going to be taking part in another festival in 2 weeks time, the same week as sports day which we also only found out about yesterday, so im already having to go to my boss at what he would consider short notice to ask for an hour or so to watch what will be her last sports day at primary. AIBU to think that a) parents should be given more than 2 weeks notice of festivals, sports days etc and b) if they take my daughter out of school that they should get her back there for her usual finish time?

Yeah but according to OP you get the odd SAHM commenting on this is why they’re SAHM so they can do this.

If it were me, I’d probably say, ok if I can return the favour at some time please let me know.

Agreed.

DH does half the school pick ups (on those days I'm working in London so not available to swap). He doesn't drive due to a medical condition. This was factored in when we chose a school within walking distance. He can't always get to other places.

DD has a friend whose mum is a midwife and so she's at after school club, another friend has both parents who are teachers and again, they use after school club.

This sort of system simply wouldn't work for a huge number of people.

This is not ok. If this is a whole class /school event then they must make arrangements to get children to and from the event.
Ask to see the risk assessment and safeguarding plan for the event.

I also wouldn’t want my kid being driven back by some random parent, presumably one not DRB checked either.

My kids’ school tried to do a school trip to the theatre for a matinee performance without any transport in either direction (40 min drive each way). Oddly enough nobody signed up to it and it was cancelled.

Agree with the posts by @YellowHairband and @OnceICaughtACold above and I believe you should raise this with the school actually because it’s very unfair.

I was also a former educator and I’d easily have waited with a child in that situation if it took their parent a bit longer to come and collect them.

I agree with you op. Either the school should get them back or it should be the same time of pickup to slow you to get there.

DSs primary school would t have done this - you were normally not allowed to take your kid from the event even if you'd been there to watch it (eg choir competition). You had to drive back to the school and the kids would all go back together.

Can you DC wait there at the venue until you get there?

Is there a class whatsapp?

You could offer as PP suggested - 'is anyone interested in a child care swap? I'll do an afternoon in the summer for you if you can give my kid a lift back from the event next week & the one in July?'

If nothing else, it opens up a conversation about how the opportunities are lovely but the schlep to pick up dc 9 miles away, not so much.

You might find a couple of allies who can do it but find it a PITA, & would join you in approaching school about a better solution.

I can't drive. We chose our house/school based on that (and on a variety of medical/mobility issues). School told us a few times (no consultation, just told us) to pick up from wherever at 3. We just said that is not possible, they made alternative arrangements for the few that couldn't vary pick up. Talk to them, they may have an alternative.

Can your husband pick her up ?

I also wouldn’t want my kid being driven back by some random parent, presumably one not DRB checked either.

oh dear 😂

I honestly never see such drama in real life. We have similar at my kids schools, the lack of budget is a thing.

You just see posts from parents "little timmy is going to x event, we can't be available, can anyone give a lift/lift back please?". No life story, no excuse, so sob story needed.

The alternative is removing all these opportunities and punishing all the kids because of one anxious parent or parent unwilling to try to find a solution.

At worst, if you REALLY cannot find someone, then your own kid misses out once. At least you tried, better than just point blank refusing and blaming the school.

Of course, I get that they are their for their children and not mine. It wasnt said as a refusal, but it didn't need to be said either. You shouldnt be saying things to make others feel bad for having to work imo

But if you're asking them for favours then you're leaving yourself open to comments like these.

You seem to expect them to do the favours for your and not let you know that it's an inconvenience.

If it's mainly the earlier time rather than the distance (and I think I read it's only 15mins earlier) then could a compromise be the school arranging for a staff member to wait with her for you? I'm assuming it wouldn't be more than half hr?

I agree the policy overall is discriminatory and that should be raised with the school however this might sort your immediate situation?

Agree with this, except there's nothing to suggest the children would miss out because OP hasn't actually asked the school. Very often school cancelled manage to transport a handful of children, but cannot manage a whole class.

I'm pretty sceptical that other parents wouldn't bring your child home.

My dc was lucky enough to have lots of sporting opportunities at Primary and play in matches and competitions against other schools all the time. When I could get there, I regularly took 5 other dc. when I couldn't, someone would take my dc.
If there are 21 children going, and you say the majority have a parent who doesn't WOTH, then there must be people who could help.

I would just let the school know that, due to work, you won't be able to get to the other school until 30mins after that time, or, if someone was able to get them back to school, you could pick up at the usual time.

As an aside, what happens to children booked into after school club straight from school? How do they get back there?

No, she is not making her own way home. Our home is in the middle of nowhere a mile from school. It and one other cottage stand alone here and there is no footpath on a 60mph road. As for leaving at the venue I’ve already asked and they will not leave her there. The option is she doesn’t go.

@Roofie17 is this state or private school? If state definitely complain to Governors if you think it’s an unreasonable amount. If private, I’d vote with your feet and go elsewhere.

Why is one snippy comment stopping you from asking someone else to pick her up? That mum sounds like a PITA. There’s obviously lots of parents able to.

State school. I used to work part time which was a lot easier and would often be one of the mums that would transport, but it was arranged by the school then. Unfortunately our circumstances changed and I’ve had to go full time, which is just bad luck with their change in policy.

I can see the difficulty for you but these other parents don't owe you anything, their response, including "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this" is entirely reasonable. They dont work in order to do these things for their child, not yours.
I would have taken than comment at face value as a positive. "I don't work so I am available for things like this" with the things like this including helping out other parents. That's how I would mean it if it happened on my one day off a week.

This.

I might well have said “This is why I don’t work full time” meaning that I was available and happy to help, but also that I thought the school were being unreasonable and making it really hard for both parents to work full time.

As for leaving at the venue I’ve already asked and they will not leave her there. The option is she doesn’t go.

In that case, I would escalate to the Head Teacher, and, if necessary to the Governing Body.
They can't take the pupils to something and not have any kind of flexibility / allowance for them to get back to school when parents aren't able to collect them, earlier than school finish time, at a place that is further away.
Nor can they exclude a pupil because their arrangements haven't accommodated this. This is an activity in school time, so they need to make a plan for this.

There must be an option of your child being taken back to school as some parents have another child that needs picking up from there when school finishes, so you would've be able to do both!