School taking child out of school for festivals, but expecting me to pick up from somewhere else and at an earlier time than finish of school.

[Roofie17]

My DD school have adopted a policy of not arranging transport for pupils to take them to and from sports festivals etc. They always asked for volunteers and some staff would use their cars (head etc had business use Ins) but they do not have a minibus. They sometimes have the use of a bus to take them, but ask that parents pick them up from our nearest secondary where the festivals are held, which is 8/9 miles from our village and the pick up time is generally at 3pm, 15 minutes earlier than DD would normally finish school. My husband and I both work and I am so fed up of going cap in hand to the other mums asking one of them to pick up and it always seems that they're a little reluctant to do it, I even had one saying "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this". We are in a fairly affluent area and 6 of the children in my daughters class have parents that work in the school , and the rest don't work or work very few hours, so we are definitely odd ones out. We both work full time because we have to work full time. I work as a learning support assistant (TA) in a local college, so my holiday is taken during the school hols and its frowned on to take time off apart from that as our learners need us too. I'm just so fed up with feeling so anxious about asking others and yesterday we received another email to say that they were going to be taking part in another festival in 2 weeks time, the same week as sports day which we also only found out about yesterday, so im already having to go to my boss at what he would consider short notice to ask for an hour or so to watch what will be her last sports day at primary. AIBU to think that a) parents should be given more than 2 weeks notice of festivals, sports days etc and b) if they take my daughter out of school that they should get her back there for her usual finish time?

It's not a question of them having chances, all 21 children in her year are taking part. Before I had to work full time I volunteered as did many others to transport to events like this. The school would just allocate children to those providing transport, so parents didn't have to ask directly.

Surely this is rare occurrence? It's rare at our school to have an out of school whole class activity and then they would bring those DC who cannot be picked up back to school. They do stuff in the evening usually that we can bring them to but otherwise choose to miss.

If not rare but regular events then I think in your shoes I'd be talking to the head and explaining you cannot collect and that being asked to go cap in hand to other parents is causing problems.

To be honest no kne in my school would mind giving a lift to a classmate and I'd completely ignore those women saying that they choose not to work to allow them to do this kind of thing.

If someone tells me they're working less to spend more time with their kids I don't take that as a criticism of my parenting. I'm happy with my choices.

That's not what I am saying. If they can get them all to an off-site event, they should be able to get them back, or at least those whose parents can only collect from the school

Its usually 6-7 times a school year, though more than this this year as there are also a couple of music festivals they are involved with and transfer days, to which there is no transport. To be clear, I am grateful that they get the opportunities, but there just seem so many when you have to keep asking the same people.

This isn't OK. They need to make provision for those who can't be collected early or at a different venue. I am a teacher and my school would definitely make provision.

Of course this isn’t reasonable OP, it’s just that a core of MN users believer that schools can never be questioned! Making it an early pick up as well as a distance away seems particularly unreasonable. The only event our school does this for is sports day, but it’s normal school finish time and only two miles away.

My husband and I both work and I am so fed up of going cap in hand to the other mums asking one of them to pick up and it always seems that they're a little reluctant to do it, I even had one saying "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this". We are in a fairly affluent area and 6 of the children in my daughters class have parents that work in the school , and the rest don't work or work very few hours, so we are definitely odd ones out.

I can see the difficulty for you but these other parents don't owe you anything, their response, including "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this" is entirely reasonable. They dont work in order to do these things for their child, not yours.

Do you ever try to return the favour and have them over for playdates or take them out to the park etc?

it's not about the school being questioned or not, it's about seeing what is realistic. When schools have no budget, the choice is not involving the kids at all, or find alternate arrangements.

Some of us believe of doing what is in the best interest of the children, and that means swapping lifts, or taking massive financial cut-backs and be more available.

Of course, I get that they are their for their children and not mine. It wasnt said as a refusal, but it didn't need to be said either. You shouldnt be saying things to make others feel bad for having to work imo, but thats by the by, my post was regarding being expected to pick up 9 miles further away and at an earlier time than school pick up. I was asking if I am being unreasonable for thinking school pick up time should be school pick up time, rather than earlier and further away. Cluster festivals have always been held regularly, and thats great but our own and one other head have decided to bring finish times for these earlier and coupled with our schools new policy of not getting involved in arranging transport it does mean we are asking regularly. When I was able to work less hours I was a regular volunteer myself and was just allocated children by the school, it avoided the current cliquiness.

*there

We're in a small schools cluster (rural area) and seem to do loads more events than bigger schools so I can imagine it is a lot for the OP to organise. There are some schools in the cluster who have always done it the same way as OP's school with a bus one way only and honestly, the parents rave about those schools. If it were a problem they'd definitely say and in small schools a few vocal parents can hold quite a lot of sway. If not many parents work I can imagine it's not much of an issue if you can collect from X or y, even if the time and distance differs slightly.

Have you actually spoken to the school OP? We nearly always book coaches but for the occasional event it's parent transport ane then teachers take the ones who haven't got a lift. The parent volunteers sounds like a safeguarding and insurance disaster so it's no wonder they knocked that on the head (can't believe they ever allowed it), where as if parents organise lifts amongst themselves that's not an issue.

I even had one saying "This is why I don't work, so that I can be there for things like this".

bet she's on MN and fed up with the many many many threads abusing SAHM 😂

I would just tell the teachers that you can’t pick her up early from further away, they will have to get her back to school. What would happen if she was in afterschool club?

If she’s finishing primary school soon anyway though id probably just leave it. Surely this would be the last time now? Once she’s at high school she can make her own way home.

This. It's also discrimination against those who cannot drive

I agree with you, OP, if they are taking them there by coach, I think their needs to be the option to have them transported back to school. Along with the option to collect from the location earlier before transport returns.

What about for parents who can’t drive or only have one car? What about parents who need to be close to home to collect another child from school or nursery?

I think it’s fine to ask parents to do transport themselves. We go to a small village school and there is no money for transport (and parents won’t/can’t pay often if it’s offered). I’m happy to drive my own or arrange with another parent, but I think it’s a bit silly to get them there, but have no provision to get them back.

That said, I regularly drop off and collect other people’s dc from school events and activities. I have no problem with people asking me to take their dc. I’m driving that way anyway! It would be one thing if someone was just too lazy or decided to go on a daytime pub crawl, but if someone has to work, I wouldn’t think anything of it. I don’t care if they didn’t often return the favour. It’s no more difficult for me if I’m already going there. I’d be happy to help.

Agree with @cansu In terms of equality and diversity, they are potentially disadvantaging those who cannot afford to collect from elsewhere, don’t drive, can’t take time off work etc. It’s not a fair policy and they should do better. Shame on them. They’d be better organising fewer events that all children could take part in.

They need to arrange for the children whose parents cannot collect them from elsewhere to get back to their usual collection point at school pick up time, or later.

I don't know how they would do that and it isn’t my job to know. It's the school's job because they got the children there in the first place.

This is a highly discriminatory practice. It is actually quite privileged to be able to comply with this policy that the school has so unhelpfully imposed. Many people who enjoy a privilege are understandably blind to it.

I am a single parent who doesn't drive and has to go to work. There's no way I could collect my child from nine miles away at an earlier time every other month. Fortunately my ds' school understands some parents have these limitations and wouldn't expect it of us.

I would feel as frustrated as OP does, having to ask others for personal favours when it wasn't my choice.

Are you sure the other parents mind giving lifts? My work was quite flexible so I could finish early and make the time up. I frequently gave lifts and it didn't bother me - I was going anyway and had room in the car.

Well, if I were replying to you in the manner of posters having a go at private school parents I'd say, didn't you factor in the issues with working full time when you had a child?

It sounds a pain but I'd volunteer to do some childcare in the school holidays in return for a parent picking up your child.

Surely a year 6 child is making her own way to and from school now anyway in preparation for secondary school?
She can wait for you at the venue even if she’s waiting an hour or more. Or she can make her way somewhere on the way home and you can meet her there?

The school are BU - they can’t really just do this? Leaving kids at non agreed locations at earlier times??? They need to bring them
back the same way they took them and let parents pick up from school. I would be annoyed too

How do the secondary pupils who live in your village get home each day? Is it possible for her to ride their school bus back to your village and you meet her at the stop?

Well aren't you lucky you can afford to do that ! Back in the real world people need to work

This is a highly discriminatory practice. It is actually quite privileged to be able to comply with this policy that the school has so unhelpfully imposed. Many people who enjoy a privilege are understandably blind to it.

I am a single parent who doesn't drive and has to go to work. There's no way I could collect my child from nine miles away at an earlier time every other month. Fortunately my ds' school understands some parents have these limitations and wouldn't expect it of us

@LauderSyme This was my mums situation - single parent and didn’t drive - and I felt quite sad reading this thread hearing the lack of compassion some other parents have shown to OP and I am so glad the parents of the kids in my school were much more generous.

I went to a school in an affluent area too but for whole class trips they would bring us back to school. When I was in my first year of secondary school I was in the school sports team so once or twice a week my day would end out in the school playing fields which were about 20 minutes away and sometimes it was dark by the time we finished our sports match. My mum thankfully never asked me not to participate. She would come on the bus then collect me.
But more often than not a parent would offer to take us back to the school area as that was where a lot of them lived anyway. When I was a bit older I’d have to get the bus back by myself and again parents or children would offer or agree to take me back if I asked until we got to an age where most of us were getting the bus back ourselves anyway.

Op, ignore that parent. What a rude thing to say. Not everyone has the luxury of staying at home but even if you did it purely as a choice it still was mean-spirited of her to say that. Especially when she must know a lot of women feel conflicted about having to work while their kids are in primary school. She could’ve just declined next time, no need for extra commentary.

And it’s ridiculous people are suggesting it’s ok for your child to miss out a whole class activity just because the school aren’t being her back or at least waiting a bit later for you to come and pick her up from the other venue.

Wonder what would happen if the parents can't drive? 8 miles away from school is a fair distance