To not want to help in-laws anymore?

[catkam]

So I have an okayish relationship with my in laws.
My husband claims they see me as a daughter but I dont feel that they do.

For last couple of years I have helped them where I can such as sorting out mobile devices, helping with laptops, e Bay disputes, pet sitting the dogs when they have gone abroad, shopping, writing letter's,loads of things and it has all been quite time consuming to be honest.

I don't really feel that they appreciate all the help that I have given them to be honest, as I rarely get a thank you and it just seems that the help is expected because I am married to their son.

My husband does help them as well and they have helped him financially in the past and treat him to things all the time from a cake, money, to North Face jackets etc , my in laws are extremely wealthy and spoil my husband but not the other sibling who does not help them.

A few weeks ago they went on a cruise for 2 weeks and asked us to look after the dogs.
When they got back they had brought my husbands loads of gifts and I got nothing.

Not even a thank you card.

Anyway I am self employed and work has dried up and it has hit me financially and in laws know this (husband mentioned it in conversation) and my MIL came over to suggest that I visit a food bank!

I am so insulted by this and I have told my husband to not discuss my business with them and that I won't be helping them anymore as my help is not appreciated and I would rather use that time to be sorting out my business/ making money.

I would never ask for money as it is not in my nature but I do feel that if they truly saw me as a daughter that they would of at least offered to help instead of seeing me struggle?

I am no way saying that they should give me money but help goes both ways and I have so much and wasted hours of my time helping them.

In the past I would buy them birthday cakes and really put a lot of thought into birthday/Xmas presents just to be given out of date Ferrero Rocher.

I have told my husband they will have to make arrangements as I can't help them anymore and I am so insulted by the food bank comment.

My husband doesn't think MIL has done anything wrong and insists that they do see me as a daughter.

Am I being unreasonable?

YANBU op

YA defo NBU, but have you posted about this before? I seem to remember an almost identical post some months ago. If you are that same poster, I hope you have the strength this time to put your foot down and keep it there.

I’m feeling confused / if you are struggling financially why is your husband not helping you - why do you think your parents m’n’law should help you?
but yes agree - stop helping them if they are not treating you very well

@Decompressing2 it would appear DH doesn't work and has no income, so his parents are paying his half of the bills.

It doesn't matter whether or not they see you as a daughter, the question is do they treat you like a daughter?

(Maybe they think daughters should be skivvies!)

Your husband is the issue here.

This is crazy - you're expected to spend time, money and effort helping the "family" but the family won't even help you to ensure that you have enough to eat.

Please tell me you don't have children with this man.

My advice would be to tell the whole lot of them, including him, to get tae fuck. Users, the lot of them.

Husband just said that none of it was intentional

Well it may not be intentional but it is happening.

So the fact that it's happening at all - intentional or unintentional - isn't nice and YANBU to refuse their requests for help. As you said, signpost them to their own grown up children to help them.

Why doesn't your husband work?
And as he doesn't work, he should be the one looking after his parents?

You have a DH problem

So husband doesn't work but lets wife who does run around after his parents?

Just roll back a bit and let DH and siblings pick up any slack
I am very fond of my In-laws but no way would I take on caring responsibilities for them

This isn't even a discussion to be had.

Just stop helping them. You don't need to tell anyone you are stopping. Just stop.

Oh my goodness, I'm truly shocked that she didn't offer any help with groceries! She is very cold and uncaring. I agree with you, stop helping them. They are your husband's parents, not yours! How rude of them, not to buy you anything. The lack of recognition is very upsetting. Get some paid work and keep yourself busy, and Stop helping them.

I had a very wealthy grandparent offer me old dog towels to start me off in my new home when I was really young, the food bank comment is just as irritating and unhelpful. Stop helping them.