I read his messages

[cupsandcupsoftea]

I know I shouldn't but we've been having some ups and downs recently.

I thought we were back on track but I just read a message to his mate saying he never sent me the finishing text as he got laid!!! And also that we aren't back together, we are more like fwb.

I don't know what to do, as far as I was aware we are back together. I think it's disrespectful saying he got laid too.

Thoughts please! I obviously can't say I've been snooping.

With your self respect intact, end it with him. No need to give a reason.

You don't need to tell him you snooped, just end it, because he clearly isn't as invested in you, and you don't trust him hence the snooping.

"I won't be seeing you again, Dave. I'm just not feeling it. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Then block.

Hes the opposite when with me though, says he loves me blah blah.

Is this just how guys talk to their guy mates?

No, not decent men, he's a twat

Kindly, words mean fuck all. It’s his actions and treatment of you that counts.

From an outsider, the very fact that you’re not immediately dumping him and moving on tells me that you have low self esteem and little self respect. It’s near impossible to have a healthy positive relationship if you don’t have these two things as it means you accept and expect poor behavior and somehow through the laws of the universe, attract low quality men who have a thousand red flags and they seek out women who willingly overlook them.

This man will bring you nothing but grief. He does not value you. He does not respect you. Why is it that you are willing to be treated so poorly? And for the love of god, do not have a child with him.

"I'm sorry, I thought I could get past the smell/ something he is insecure about"

Don't give him the power of telling him you know.

No, this is not "just how men talk to their mates." He's a lying, cheating pig. Just end it and raise your standards with the next man.

No, it's how arseholes act to "get laid".

If they presented as the twats they are, they wouldn't "get laid".

Seriously, dump him without a reason and kick his ego.

You have both behaved badly here, however in this case the outcome is a positive one. Cut him loose to be a twat behind someone else’s back and without going into details as to why, break it off with him. Be single, be yourself, and if someone comes along and you hit it off, then go for it. But remember, if you don’t trust someone enough that you feel you have to snoop, it’s not right for you anyway.

i don’t bother snooping on my partner, actually did it once a very long time ago and got the wrong end of the stick, and if someone is going to cheat, they will do it anyway, Mumsnet has taught me all the red flags to look out for, if they are checking out of the relationship or if they are going through the script. If it comes to something like going through their phone, then something is wrong somewhere, it’s worked to your benefit this time OP, so leave him and have a fantastic future.

What do you mean you don’t know what to do? You end it surely!

No decent men don't speak like that with their mates about their partner. You need to end this one.

It is when they don’t respect the woman they’re with. Don’t waste time trying to figure him out, that way madness lies and an awful waste of your life.

No. It’s not.

Just get rid. (I’d be very tempted to say that you were going to finish if the other day but decided to ‘get laid’ instead).

It’s easy to lie to someone’s face and tell them what they want to hear. It’s what people say about you when you’re not there that counts.

Dump him. Never tell him about the messages.

Let him think that you have gone off him, not feeling it any more. Or can't get passed the shit sex. Whatever you feel he deserves.

I'm feeling a bit all over the place right now. He is being sweet and is due round later. He's never cheated, we spend most nights together, doesn't really have time.

I know this one mate is a single ladies man type so it makes me think he is trying to just speak like he does.

Ideally I'd like to ask him if I can see the messages and confront him but he won't have that

Surely you know it's over. There's no excuse to speak so disrespectfully about your other half.

Just text him does he still want to come round since there is no chance he is getting laid tonight.

That’s disgusting behaviour.

There's no excusing him speaking about you like that. If you also had zero reason to think he's cheated then there's also zero excuse for you to read his messages! You're both in the wrong.

Think about what it was that made you look at his messages - you must have had a feeling that something wasn’t right
trust your instincts- they were right- time to say goodbye

Please listen to this. Absolutely spot on. You stay, you’ll regret it and get hurt far beyond this

I don’t think it makes you think that, I think you just wish to think that as you don’t wish to think he’s just there for the sex.

Sounds like you're with a boy not a man.

Dump his ass you deserve better