Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

[KrustyBurger]

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

In a huge strange bar on different levels full of people drinking, yes I would have no hesitation in accompanying a 10/12 yr old to the toilet. It's not 'taking' them, it's 'accompanying' them.

Er you literally did say "ludicrous request"....

And it's a widely held thing online that if YOU make claims YOU provide the data, you don't tell others to go look it up

What you're imagining seems exceptionally unlikely. So unlikely that it isn't even worth thinking about it. let alone changing your behaviour.

I don't understand the reasoning of "no matter how small the risk, it's better avoided". If you think that, won't it mean you never do anything at all, never let your child go out in the rain in case she gets struck by lightning, never drive her to see her grandparents in case she dies in a car crash?

you would know which room she was in as most hotels have cameras covering the corridors

Having overprotective parents has been shown to be linked to anxiety and depression in children and teenagers. It is a huge problem and it is only growing larger. That doesn't mean that we should go to the other extreme of no supervision whatsoever. No one is suggesting allowing a 3-year-old to roam freely through the city. A middle ground is necessary, in which children are given increasing levels of freedom and opportunities to develop essential skills. That involves a degree of risk taking. Sometimes people hear the word "risk" and panic. But equipping your children with the tools of how to assess risks properly and providing them with the time and space to do so will only help them in the long run.

I never ever mentioned child abduction, it is those convinced that their relaxed parenting is superior who have jumped on that line. Some ludicrous suggestion was for me to go away and back up this argument, your argument (not mine) so to be clear those discussing child corridor abductions with data on how likely this was. Sorry but why would I find data to support your argument, you go and find it. I am arguing that I wouldn’t risk my child coming across any hotel crime but those intent for example on sexual assault so sexual predators- no I wouldn’t want them coming across those people and unfortunately bad people exist, I’m sorry to tell you and others this as evidently you have never had that displeasure.

Find it slightly off that your daughter has much more freedom in the UK, but being abroad means it’s a no. Foreigners are just people, good and bad like us in the UK.
Also, for goodness sake, you are being unnecessarily paranoid.

I know I did as it is a ludicrous request as those banging on about it fully know that no such data exists, it doesn’t mean hotel crime doesn’t exist. Bang on about helicopter parenting and anxiety all you like but a) it isn’t that and b)lots of anxiety
will arise from being confronted with unsavoury people and their actions and not having a flipping clue they existed as their delusional parents think everyone has led as charmed a life as them and are reasonable and nice!

I'm so confused by what being in a foreign country has to do with the relative safety of this act or not.....?

Who are you talking to, I’m not the OP.

What makes you think that @Throwingpotsis talking to you? She's obviously addressing the OP.

I know you’re not, I was answering the op. Or at least I thought I was 😂

OP: am I being unreasonable MNers?
99% of the MNers: YES a thousand times!
OP: well I'm not so I will argue with you until I'm blue in the face.

Why even ask in the first place? Did you think everyone would agree with you and then you could show your DH and go "see, told you I was right"?

I think the fact OP mentioned there was a beware human trafficking notice on the wall says it all. It's understandable we are more confident on home ground although the same precautions should always be taken regardless.

Apologies, I’d mentioned my DDs Independence locally.

If you do it properly, this "relaxed parenting" you're talking about involves making your child aware of the risks so that they can make proper judgements. We're not advocating sending a child out in the world unequipped with the tools they need to navigate it. You tell your child that bad people exist, what to do in the event they come across such a person, and you send them out in the world in situations that are age-appropriate. The OP is talking about a 12 year old walking down a hotel corridor by herself, if you want to stand at the door and watch her do it then crack on, but if you tell her she can't go in case someone comes out and grabs her, what message is that giving her?!

Not in a Marriot
They attract all sorts. If it was a better hotel I would be fine with it.

At 14:39 you said: Again, the specific child abduction stuff is hyperbole but people are so sheltered that they think no crime exists in hotels, that everyone operates in this life with an outlook as charmed as theirs - that is frankly hilarious!

That seems pretty clear that you agree it's unlikely she's going to be abducted.

As for people asking you for data - the point they're making, that you are spectacularly failing to even consider in every single one of your posts - is that the fact that a risk exists is not a binary in itself - you have completely failed to consider the liklihood of the risk. This is the final factor that should be considered when doing risk assessment. You only consider three: a) is the risk avoidable b) what is the potential negative outcome if the risk happens and c) how important it is to do the thing that puts you at this risk.

Someone else earlier in this thread used your same risk assessment factors to dispute an argument that getting in a car is high risk but we do it all the time. Her point being that the downside of NOT getting in the car is potentially significant. But actually, in that assessment, there is an automatic inclusion of my factor - the seriousness/liklihood of the risk itself, in this case, the risk of an accident. And we know this because, for example, few of us would get in a car that is not roadworthy or does not have seatbelts or where the driver is drunk becuase we would feel that the need to get somewhere was not sufficiently important to compensate for the massive increased risk.

That's why you're being asked for data. But you don't seem to see it as important which is strange to many of us.

I think this particular poster has decided the whole thread is now about them

@ButWhatAboutTheBees to be fair, Goldenbear is getting a lot of people commenting on her posts as the OP is, one assumes, sleeping and now strolling around doing morning things!

Goodness I would let my 9yo do this and now I'm wondering if I'm too laid back.

People are asking about statistics. Just found this.

”There are about 72 million kids 0-17 in America. And the number kidnapped by strangers is about 100. So the odds of being kidnapped are about 1 in 720,000. One way to look at that number: The odds of having conjoined twins is 1 in 200,000 according to the University of Maryland's Medical Center.”

So you are more likely to give birth to conjoined twins, then for your child to get abducted in America by a stranger.

So what you have quoted there has exactly proven my point that I never ever once said the risk was about child abduction. Indeed in the quote above I crime in hotels, The child abduction line has been trotted out again and again by those trying to prove to the OP that she is being over protective by stating the most unlikely crime that could arise, knowing full well it is hard to argue against that. It is for those suggesting the abductions of children in hotels is rare to find the data to back ‘their’ argument up, not mine as I referring to hotel crime and being caught up in, witnessing anything akin to that.

The car risk I listed all the things you mentioned as reducing the risk to a point of tolerance so I am not sure why you are telling me to suck eggs. It’s not really clear to me what you are actually trying to explain.

Again, I didn’t once mention abductions this the hyperbolic wording of those that want to prove it is all OTT helicopter parenting. Crime in hotels exists that includes an array of stuff that I wouldn’t want my DD to be witness to or come across when it is completely unnecessary.

You are being way over the top.