Would you let your child do this or am I over the top?

[KrustyBurger]

Currently on holiday in the USA. We are staying at a Marriott so not a motel type set up.

Husband asked our daughter who is 12 to run some rubbish down to the bin next to the lift, she would have to go past about 12 room doors (6 each side).

I said no, il do it as you never know who’s in the rooms and it only takes 5 seconds for someone to open the door and yank her in and you wouldn’t even know which room it is or where she is.

Husband said ok but gave me a strange glance.

Was I being over the top? Or would other parents do the same. It’s nearly 10pm at night here.

Husband's a bit of a clean freak and our bin is full hence not just leaving it.

My child could put up more of a fight at 12, he’d scream and shout and punch and kick the abducter. At 3 he’d probably have gone in the room with them if they offered him some sweets

Hotel sexual assaults have increased, your ludicrous stat request is not available but that doesn’t mean the risk of somebody coming across a young girl who had the above intentions in mind would not see it as an opportunity to change their plans. All this rational thought process you and others are applying to sexual predators is a) naïve to the extreme and b)simply untrue

It is a completely avoidance risk so why bother taking it.

Anyone who assesses risk will know that it needs to be done on the basis of actual, y'know, data.

Ridiculous gut feelings about kids being abducted in hotel corridors don't count.

The idea that a kid is going to be snatched in such a scenario is so fucking ridiculously stupid it wouldn't even register on any sane risk matrix. If you think otherwise, then I fail to see how you would allow anyone to do anything, ever.

My Dd is as light as a feather and could put up hardly any fight.

I'm surprised you're on the internet @Goldenbear . I guarantee right now that there is crime being committed and enabled by the internet and some of it is absolutely horrific.

Sexual assaults in hotels are increasing in the U.S so there would be data on that but your very specific data set does not exist. Would I worry about my child coming across someone with those intentions that have committed those crimes, yes I would; therefore, would I risk that interaction if not necessary, no I wouldn’t.

Ah, yes. All those terrible foreigners. Best to not go near any of them. Especially the ones in the strange, exotic land called “the USA”.

Sorry your point is completely confusing and lost on me I’m afraid, you’ll have to explain it.

That’s true. My friend’s aunt was on holiday in America and a gun fight broke out in the hotel corridor between two guests over some towels. She had to peep through the keyhole until the SWAT team came. It was like the OK Corrale. Bullets flying everywhere, there was.

It was a Mariott I think: so I’ve never stayed in one since. Except the one in Kent: that one is quite nice, and they’ve always plenty of towels.

ok speaking from experience here no i wouldnt, I was walking past hotel rooms when i was 13 on holiday and someone tried pulling me into the hotel room, i only managed to escape because someone came out of the room a few doors up and i screamed so he let go and ran. I have never experienced such fear and i would rather anything that could happen would happen to me instead of any of my children.

I would not risk it. It may sound silly but for the sake of putting out rubbish, if it did happen as there is a chance. .... i would never forgive myself.

Have you read the book? It advocates for age-appropriate risk taking. Walking past 12 hotel room doors for a 12 year old could be argued to be pretty age-appropriate? She's not wandering the streets of Harlem at 10pm, it's a Mariott hotel...

The book promotes CBT methods and shares how much modern day thinking in the west is the antithesis of CBT principles and agreed upon wisdom across many cultures, which could be an explanation for the increased anxiety, depression and fragility seen in our young people today.

Since this is an open forum, you're welcome to share a book or resource that advocates for over the top risk aversion and how that might positively impact children's wellbeing.

@Goldenbear you're presumably happily accessing the Internet. Your child, if you have one, most likely accesses the Internet. Crime is committed on the internet all the time and can sometimes show up in the most unexpected places.

Yet you wouldn't let a 12 year old walk down a hotel corridor unaccompanied. A hotel which you would presumably have researched in advance, booked because you felt it was suitable for your needs and be happily staying in. Why is that hotel corridor more of a risk than the internet?

Agree totally

My DC need to use the internet for school work, to exist in the modern age, I have all the checks in place, I won’t even let them have certain apps because of where the data is stored and who it is being sold to, my professional position allows me to be more than covered in that area.

Hotel Lawsuits for sexual assaults in well known hotels have increased considerably, it is not necessary for my child to come cross such a predator so why would I take the risk? My Mum was taken from a gallery in a corridor, a poster above has told you about the attempted attack on them in a hotel corridor. I have been to many countries as a late teen/early twenties in particular and my experiences inform my opinion on this.

I absolutely would allow my child to do that at that age. I'd also expect her to help with chores like take the rubbish out. When my dd was 13 and we were on holiday in Portugal we'd often give her the key to the apartment so she could walk the 10 minutes back if she got bored of the beach. It never crossed my mind she would be snatched. The world is generally a safe place and most abductions are done by someone known to the victim. I refuse to live in unrealistic fear and pass it on to my kids

I also think YABU. Very OTT to stop an almost teen walking down a hotel corridor.

She's not more at risk in a foreign country in this scenario simply because both scenarios are equally dangerous. In the daylight where there are always other adults and children around that's fine. In the dark on their own in lanes is crazy. I wouldn't do this as an adult either. Small rural villages are just as likely to attract child abductors as anywhere else as has been sadly proven in the past.

I'm with the Op and would not allow it. It's a foreign country and I've seen far too many real crime shows where grown women are snatched. There was a woman returning home in Florida and the janitor just took the opportunity as she was walking past. In another country, a young girl went to the loo at her dance school - that's all it took.

Op, never apologise for looking out for your children. If others don't like it, who cares? You keep doing what you know in your heart is right.

Stop watching such programmes, it's making you unreasonable.

You think you have the restrictions in place. And you may do, but what about when they visit a friend's home. Do you check their restrictions too?

You've given me a personal story, which obviously had a great impact on you, which is understandable. The post you refer to above frankly reads like ChatGPT with a lack of capital letters and punctuation, so I'm sceptical about that one.

Whilst we're on anecdata, I worked in hotels from the age of 14, so not much older than the child in the OP. I was never sexually assaulted whilst working there, nor did I see any firearms. That's not to say it can't or doesn't happen.

Bringing up children with high anxiety levels and fears, is not doing what is "right".

There is a far greater danger in raising your children to live in fear than there is in allowing them to have the freedom to do ordinary things. Yes, by refusing to let a 12-year-old walk down a hotel corridor you would erase the minuscule possibility that some lunatic would abduct her in those 30 seconds. It's an absurd thing to worry about from any logical perspective. But even more importantly, what message are you sending?

If this incident is truly a one-off, and in every other situation the child has a reasonable level of freedom and independence, then obviously it doesn't matter. But if it is part of a pattern of overprotectiveness, in which the 12-year-old isn't given the chance to engage in unremarkable activities on her own because of unfounded fears, then that is a huge problem. Helicopter parents may think they are doing the right thing, but they are truly doing their children no favours whatsoever. In fact, they may be causing considerable damage. It is essential that children are equipped with the tools to become independent and confident. Wrapping them in cotton wool does the exact opposite.

You wouldn't walk alone on lanes when its dark? How do you get around in winter then, drive away? That's far more risky.

I don’t what country you worked in at 14 or how old you are but it is a ‘fact’ that lawsuits for hotel sexual assault crimes in hotel chains are on the rise in the U.S so again why would I take that brisk with my 12 year old.

oh and I don’t ‘think’ anything, I know as it is part of my job. It is not just my Mum’s personal story, I just haven’t led a life in a bubble where everyone person you come across has good intentions and are decent human beings.

Attitudes like this are the reason why there’s an entire TikTok genre of pulling Brits up for being xenophobic.