Is this not bizarre mum behaviour?

[Calmascannotbe]

Ok - some minor details changed just to avoid completely outing anyone.

So for the past two years, like many schools, we have had a Whatsapp chat group for parents. This parent is the class rep and is on the whole pretty organised and helpful. However they will all too often use their kid as a pretence to post videos or photos of what they are randomly up to, e.g. 'oh here we are at some lovely place, X wanted me to post this to show all his/her friends'/'oh look what X is up to, X wanted you to show his/her friends'.

No one else does anything like this and fundamentally these appear to be stealth brag posts and there is little engagement or reciprocation - maybe a few token heart emojis. It's been going on for 18 months now and I know I should ignore it but I'd rather it didn't happen and I just think it's pretty poor behaviour. The Whatsapp group is for admin and keeping up to date with key events, parties etc. and whilst there is jovial chat/networking, these posts randomly appear and just put an awkward stop on any other discussion. One person recently alluded to it straight after a stealth brag post when they commented on the group if someone could summarise which birthday parties are upcoming as they have lost track with the non-school related posts.

The thing that really tipped it over the edge was that on a couple of occasions recently, this parent has randomly decided to coincide their daily activities with some of the school trips the kids in the class have been on and will creepily post pictures of the kids from a distance. AIBU to think this is really odd behaviour? If you have free time, why would you choose to spend it lingering in the shadows around a class trip your kid was on and then send blurry pictures of the kids from afar? Yes fair enough I should just ignore it, refrain from engaging as I am already doing and move on with my life but at the same time, is this not just mentally bizarre behaviour?!

Yes it is situation specific I believe. So in my example you are publicly sharing a child's personal details, where they live.

You can't block people on group chats on WA unfortunately. If you block them privately messages will still appear in groups. It's very annoying

A bit un-related but I stuck my neck out once when the class WhatsApp group became Covid dominated - it was an over kill of information as most of us were already getting information from the school, where I worked, news etc - I did a very polite message acknowledging that the information might be needed but could we have two groups , once just school based with relevant bits on it, and another one for Covid where those that wanted could post. I got a LOT of likes and yes let's do that so I was certainly to the only one.
Maybe suggest a separate WhatsApp group where pics / more informal chatter can be placed - you can say that it is not to clog up the WhatsApp, makes it easier to find dates etc, and then those that want to have general chatter can have a group for that.

Can you link to the law that was broken please, or to anything that states this is definitely illegal?

I'm not sure just naming the village is illegal, but after Googling, I can't find anything specific.

I'm not saying it's right btw, I'm just wondering if UK law has definitely been broken.

I definitely agree about reporting them regarding the second point, that’s extremely weird.

The first point wouldn’t bother me other than being slightly annoying id just ignore it.

I think we may be on the same group! There is a woman on my middle son’s class WhatsApp group that regularly uploads so many photos of her child doing random things all the time. No one else on the group does this and there is very little response to all her photos / messages. A recent one was 32 photos of her child making some elaborate creation of the solar system for the child’s homework- when the homework was to draw a picture of your favourite planet. So attention seeking.

I would email the photos to the school anonymously and say someone is taking photos from afar .. you could leave it at that. They might send out an email to all parents saying don’t do this etc without highlighting who it is.. the first part of what you said in op is just daft and id ignore it. But not the photos etc

I am mystified why your friend is going to tell the school anonymously. If you think it's not right just tell them

@Calmascannotbe I was just wondering OP if you have read the novel
"The VANISHING OF CLASS 3B"
By Jackie Kabler?

Which led me on to wondering if this thread might be a case of

'life imitating art' or maybe 'art imitating life', or perhaps 'art imitating art, but pretending to be life'?
(sorry for the second "or" as grammatically I don't think two in the same sentence are allowed!)

Of course it may well be none of those, although I personally fall into the category of the group of people who think that coincidences happen far less frequently than many people seem to think they do.

I’m a Leader too - one of my parents took it on themselves to start her own parent WhatsApp group for my unit without consent or asking . I had the same issues and it’s an utter nightmare so I had it shut down. I do the reminders , news and info - not them 🙄 WhatsApp groups seem to be nothing but trouble. I’m glad I never had to be in any class one.

Op Is right to be raising concern with these blurry photos. Massive safeguarding breach.

I used to think it was annoying as hell but I kind of feel bad for her now, like she just really needs that little bit of connection/attention even if it’s total strangers

I would assume this too, you have no idea what her life is like really or what is going on. So I’d do nothing.

I’d also add that when someone’s Mental health is bad, it’s hard for them to make good decisions.

You should definitely screen shot the pictures and send them to the school. As a primary teacher we always make it very clear to parents that they cannot photograph other people’s children. And certainly never then share them. It’s totally inappropriate. Once they’ve been posted on there everyone has access to them and you never know which children might be under some kind of protection which could then be violated if the photos are shared elsewhere

Can’t you block an individual on WhatsApp? If so, that’s what I would do. You don’t need her input to see the gist of postings on there.

I’d leave the group and set up a smaller one with the Mums you are more friendly with and remind each other stuff on there instead. It’s fair easier that way.

Either contact the school (surely doesn't need to be anonymously) or, even better, say in the WhatsApp that posting pictures (even from a distance) from school trips etc is not acceptable. Point out that some parents will not have given permission for their children's pictures to be shared and anyone taking photos of a school trip is liable to have the police called!

DS' class once went on a 'field trip' to a local supermarket. It was basically a walk around the supermarket opposite the school to investigate where different foods come from. One of the parents in our class WhatsApp posted a message to inform everyone that she would be going to the supermarket during the trip so she could see her child and did anyone want to join? She duly went and later on shared pictures she took, ducking in and out of aisles as the kids walked around. Utterly bizarre behaviour. A couple of parents stated on the chat that it was not ok for her to post pictures of other children in the class without parental permission and the images were deleted.

I assume parents who do this kind of thing have a lot time on their hands. I also hate to throw around ND labels but really and truly, this is not the kind of behaviour a neuro typical adult exhibits...

Ours is strictly school stuff. Which is how it should be - useful for keeping disorganised parents (like me!) on track, but no stealth brag so other feel left out. Also very useful for getting the numbers of parents that you don’t know for your own child’s birthday party!

I'd put after one of her messages "I don't know how anyone else feels but I find this group so useful, thank you to [Class rep etc], but vote we just keep this group for useful messages about school and leave the holiday snaps for Facebook? Cheers xx

Ha, we have a mum like this. She loves a good humble-brag. She sent a message out of the blue announcing, “I completely forgot it was show & tell today! But luckily, little Hugo happened to find a ski pass in his pocket, so he used that.”

The school should be able to deal with this. It's a pretty straight-forward safeguarding issue.

The taking ohotos of children on school trips without parents' consent is a really serious safeguarding issue, OP

The weird mum msybe doesn't know that, it needs reporting.
Some families are in witness protection, estranged parebts, grandparents looking for the children etc.

The observing of the school trip from a distance and taking and sharing pics is totally inappropriate. The school needs to be informed of that.

The rest of it is mildly annoying I guess.

I'm a class rep and we have a WhatsApp group. The school gives details of the group to all new starters etc, but it's not compulsory. I share a lot of school stuff on there - changes to PE days, reminders of trips, non-uniform days, inset days, projects, class photos all that stuff. You might get a message from me on a weds morning saying "Don't forget it's Wear Something Yellow Day" or whatever. People share party invitations on there too. It is all to go with the school and kids. I occasionally post something else, eg and event going on locally that's free and might be fun for the kids. People sometimes ask questions and share info.

My school has given the class reps guidance about what is and isn't acceptable in the WhatsApp groups, which has been helpful.

The school trip thing is weird.

As for the brag posts I think there's one of these in many groups and they lack the self awareness to see how they're coming across.

I was asked by the school to watch my child from afar on a outing to the park. They wanted me to see why it wasn't safe for them to take her on outings. So there's one reason.

The parent is obviously not aware of safeguarding, parents are asked permission for photos for a reason and if any of those children are adopted or have escaped a domestic abuse relationship people sharing photos like this could cause a lot of problems.