Is this not bizarre mum behaviour?

[Calmascannotbe]

Ok - some minor details changed just to avoid completely outing anyone.

So for the past two years, like many schools, we have had a Whatsapp chat group for parents. This parent is the class rep and is on the whole pretty organised and helpful. However they will all too often use their kid as a pretence to post videos or photos of what they are randomly up to, e.g. 'oh here we are at some lovely place, X wanted me to post this to show all his/her friends'/'oh look what X is up to, X wanted you to show his/her friends'.

No one else does anything like this and fundamentally these appear to be stealth brag posts and there is little engagement or reciprocation - maybe a few token heart emojis. It's been going on for 18 months now and I know I should ignore it but I'd rather it didn't happen and I just think it's pretty poor behaviour. The Whatsapp group is for admin and keeping up to date with key events, parties etc. and whilst there is jovial chat/networking, these posts randomly appear and just put an awkward stop on any other discussion. One person recently alluded to it straight after a stealth brag post when they commented on the group if someone could summarise which birthday parties are upcoming as they have lost track with the non-school related posts.

The thing that really tipped it over the edge was that on a couple of occasions recently, this parent has randomly decided to coincide their daily activities with some of the school trips the kids in the class have been on and will creepily post pictures of the kids from a distance. AIBU to think this is really odd behaviour? If you have free time, why would you choose to spend it lingering in the shadows around a class trip your kid was on and then send blurry pictures of the kids from afar? Yes fair enough I should just ignore it, refrain from engaging as I am already doing and move on with my life but at the same time, is this not just mentally bizarre behaviour?!

Yes this. Sounds like not used to a ‘work setting type professionalism’ perhaps a stay at home parent and a bit lonely?

I have to say, I am really grateful to the class reps and the work they do. I often get kindly reminders etc so if they are a bit over enthusiastic ( one of mine is too) I just remember it’s an energetic kindness they are showing!

I could imagine someone without friends or family doing this. Sometimes mental health conditions can mean that people become isolated. She could be hoping that friendship comes from her post. I'd be less judgemental about 'mentally bizarre' behaviour. If you are uncomfortable with the school trip situation, speak to the teacher.

I’ve never been in a school/class WhatsApp group, I don’t see the point of them!
If school have an important message to get to me I’ve always received it by text/phone call/email. What’s the point of them?

this parent sounds a bit crazy, are you sure they weren’t actually a helper on the trip?

Dd attends a club and the group chat is getting like this.

If dd can't make the club I say "Dd won't be there tonight, back on X day" but some are OTT, actually can't wait to have a laugh now summer holidays are near.

"Little Eugene won't be in today, he has got an award for being absolutely outstanding at everything he does and so we are going to X fancy restaurant to celebrate his amazing achievement"

"Oh lovely, little Delilah got that award when she was only 6, however she won't be in today because we are off to Disneyland on one of their VIP packages, back next week"

"How wonderful that you're going to Disneyland, our Talulah couldn't possibly go back after going on the Disney Cruises as we have been so spoiled, we will be in the Suite, couldn't possibly slum it in a cabin 🤣, back next week"

It's actually hilarious, I'm poor so I can't contribute unfortunately, funny to watch though.

I don't find that that weird tbh, just fairly annoying due to the frequency. A few mums in our Whatsapp group also post about their days out especially if it's a local, kids-friendly activity. That's useful and appreciated by most. Pictures of a field trip from afar is also not that bizarre, a bit overprotective perhaps but if you had nothing at all to do that day and knew your kid was on a trip, it's not a far stretch to just go over the see what's going on.

To be honest it sounds like she's quite lonely and thus volunteered to be class rep. The repeated posts is just to elicit some sort of response as many people are addicted to getting notifications on their phones. She might also be neurodivergent and have problems reading social cues and what's "normal" within a chat group. Posting pictures of your everyday life could be a learned, masking behaviour and thus she does it regularly in all her groups regardless of what topic or who are in it. Nobody would bat an eyelid if I posted the same things you described in a family chat, but obviously it's a bit cringe in a class chat.

Final theory is that she's a vacuous person who consumes a huge amount of trash family content from social media and has somehow internalised that behaviour. So she's used to seeing loads of Instamums post random stories of their day and she's attempting to emulate some of that without realising that her audience aren't interested.

You sound like a right twat if you post the first message. Why do you think you are any more in charge of the group than anyone else, if you are not the one who created the group, the admin and the one posting all the actual admin info?

If you get so over-involved, you should become the class rep yourself.

I don't disagree that it's boring and cringey, should be pretty obvious no one cares anyway, but you can mute or leave the group.

If you think some of the info are useful, then just scroll past.

To be clear, I find the superior attitude of people like you a lot more annoying than the bored housewives who are over-involved.

The point is first to stop 50 parents each calling the school office with the exact same question 😂

We have these groups, I do find them useful. I am not that perfect that a reminder about xyz hasn't come in handy. Parents with older siblings clarifying things , and finding parents to arrange lifts to various events - that would not be organised by the school. We had links to cheaper shops for outfits, for holiday clubs.

Yes, our school is poor, for any sport event and the likes, parents have to do the drop off and pick up themselves. I am quite grateful for the admin who takes the time to deal with all that.

Send her a private message stating the purpose of WA group, and explain that it is not the same as a Facebook page.

Fair enough if you find them useful, none of what you have posted has ever made me need one though!
Our schools didn’t have their own transport either so we had to get them to after school stuff but either dh or I would take them and it was only really relevant for short period of of time.
I can imagine the groups being active and frankly annoying for me and largely irrelevant so no regrets not joining one!

Hahaha we had a Mum at my DC’s pre school who did exactly these two things 🤣….the creepy covert pictures was always pretty odd.

no one said you should join one. But as DH and I are both working, we didn't have the luxury to be available during working hours.

Again, I am grateful for people who bother giving their free time to organise things. I think kids were also very grateful that they didn't miss out on meet-ups and days out. I would never have heard of them otherwise.

Thank you all for your responses - I know with regards to my first point it is just annoying and I should just accept it and ignore. On the second point, one of the other mums has actually been in touch (there are three of us who get on well) and is actually going to message the school anonymously about the whole situation and following the school trip. I'm guessing if the school do contact them, their behaviour will likely change (fingers crossed!).

Just read your update before replying. I think that's the right thing to do. From a safeguarding position, that's something school are likely to take very seriously. It sounds like this mum is just very heavily involved with their child's life, but stalking trips from afar is OTT. If she wanted to be that involved, surely she could just volunteer to go and help. Very odd behavior and given parents have to consent for pics of their children to be distributed, completely against school policies.

Very very annoying tone deaf behaviour.

When this happened on our school WhatsApp someone actually said please can we stick to school admin stuff and keep personal lives separate otherwise it’s bombarding parents with messages that aren’t relevant. It worked and everyone collectively sighed with relief. It’s irritating having other peoples minutiae cluttering up your own life.

It is weird, I feel sorry for them. Who has the time to follow school trips in the background, does she not have other stuff on!! It's also not ok to take photos of other peoples kids. I think you could either be gentle, message her and say the school are after trip volunteers and maybe she'd be a good fit but they definitely will not allow her to take photos if she's a helper and maybe that advice will stay with her, or you could just be quite robust and message saying you don't want pictures of your child taken by other people, especially when it identifies the school too.
I agree with the "hi guys, can we keep posts focused on school activities/events so we don't lose track" it sounds like the other mums are on board given the last message.

I wonder if the mum is neurodiverse as she isn't getting the social cues when nobody replies/nobody does the same. If so, you might need to be very direct for her to understand the message clearly, as subtle hints might not land.

There is always one op in every group that overshares personal stuff that no one is interested in.

Same, and on the whole they are life savers! Reminders about non uniform etc. there was someone who started slagging off the school , but that was quickly stopped!

on one if my other kids groups, one of the mums keeps posting about Free Palestine protests. It’s awkward as there are a couple of Jewish children in the class and also I don’t want to see political posts in between reminders of non uniform and sports day cake requests.

Imagine if this was aman taking photos to f the school group??? There'd be uproar!

I'd be reporting her to the school tbh

Exactly! My adopted DS had child protection issues and we had a blanket "no photos" policy with school.

I would have hit the roof if DS had appeared in one of these photos.

The other stuff, just ignore. But taking photos from afar of school trips is not acceptable. She couldn't photo kids inside the school. I would be waving my phone under the nose of the HT / SGL and requesting they tell her to stop.

The only parent in our class that I've come across posting photos from school events (Nativity, sports day etc) is a TA in the local special school and definitely should know better.

Fortunately, one of the mums in our class is also a teacher at the school which I'm guessing is one of the reasons our group chat stays so pleasant and useful. I get the impression that the group chats for parties that don't include her DC (we're at the all the boys or all the girls stage) are a bit critical of the teacher which is a shame.

you should contact the school about the stalking school trips and photographing other people’s children whilst on school trip. That’s borderline psycho behaviour. Some of those kids might be in the care system, but even if not that’s a massive safeguarding red flag.

Please don’t throw about neurodiverse labels for someone who is clearly breaking safeguarding standards.

She sounds like she has issues but it’s a massive leap to saying ND.

This needs to be dealt with by the school. It’s stalking behaviour.

It is definitely weird behaviour even if she is a bored SAHM as some people have presumed. Doesn’t make it less weird.

do your school have Seesaw or a similar app where the kids can send in photos of their weekend or achievements to share with the class? If it happened on our class WhatsApp all the time I would be directing the mum to the app (in a nice way) so all Xs friends can still have the joy of seeing what X has been up to.

the lingering around school trips is just bizarre. And then taking photos from far away. Odd

I have been in a WhatsApp group that contained random things job adverts and someone’s own holiday pictures. It’s annoying because when you want to find out something important that the group is for like dates of meetings/activities you have to trail through lots of irrelevant stuff.