Is this not bizarre mum behaviour?

[Calmascannotbe]

Ok - some minor details changed just to avoid completely outing anyone.

So for the past two years, like many schools, we have had a Whatsapp chat group for parents. This parent is the class rep and is on the whole pretty organised and helpful. However they will all too often use their kid as a pretence to post videos or photos of what they are randomly up to, e.g. 'oh here we are at some lovely place, X wanted me to post this to show all his/her friends'/'oh look what X is up to, X wanted you to show his/her friends'.

No one else does anything like this and fundamentally these appear to be stealth brag posts and there is little engagement or reciprocation - maybe a few token heart emojis. It's been going on for 18 months now and I know I should ignore it but I'd rather it didn't happen and I just think it's pretty poor behaviour. The Whatsapp group is for admin and keeping up to date with key events, parties etc. and whilst there is jovial chat/networking, these posts randomly appear and just put an awkward stop on any other discussion. One person recently alluded to it straight after a stealth brag post when they commented on the group if someone could summarise which birthday parties are upcoming as they have lost track with the non-school related posts.

The thing that really tipped it over the edge was that on a couple of occasions recently, this parent has randomly decided to coincide their daily activities with some of the school trips the kids in the class have been on and will creepily post pictures of the kids from a distance. AIBU to think this is really odd behaviour? If you have free time, why would you choose to spend it lingering in the shadows around a class trip your kid was on and then send blurry pictures of the kids from afar? Yes fair enough I should just ignore it, refrain from engaging as I am already doing and move on with my life but at the same time, is this not just mentally bizarre behaviour?!

I think two WhatsApp groups should be suggested, one for strictly admin and info other for idle chit chat, when the other lady said she had lost info amongst the other messages would have been perfect timing for such a suggestion. Then you can just mute the chit chat one and ignore it.

There is no law against taking photos of other people's children in a public place, makes no difference if you're a man or woman. There's also no law against 'happening' to be where your child's school trip goes even if it is odd behaviour.

Sounds like this mum's world revolves around her child. I'm assuming she set up the group though if she's the one running and organising it so it's really a case of put up with it or leave. No one is forcing you to be in the group if it's too annoying.

Announcement groups and then chat groups. Everyone in announcements with only one or two admins and everyone who wants can chat in the chat groups

It’s a safeguarding issue for following the school trips and taking random photos. Inform the school this is what is happening. Tell them to keep you confidential as the informant.

You can take photos in a public place but then sharing them without consent, especially images of children, can fall under data privacy laws

List of upcoming birthday parties? That's nothing to do with school either and weird - not all kids are invited to all parties!
She must think as class rep she's kinda 'in charge' of the WhatsApp. And like many can't help but overexpose her child. As the group is closed (it's just for the year right?) I'm not sure posts of photos of the class trip is breaking any rules, unless some parents have requested no pics of their kids (we had to fill in a form)?
But yes annoying and inappropriate.

In what way, if they're not indecent images?

I think she might be a little lonely. Not everyone has loving family they can send pics of their DC to and get “ohh, ahh” type responses do many she’s looking for connection? I don’t look at it as a stealth boast. I kind of feel sorry for her. How do people respond when she posts?

The photographing from a distance is super odd op! The first bit although annoying is somewhat harmless really but id be unimpressed with the weird following kids around bit to take photos!

Personally I'd be tempted to follow up their next post with one of the North Pole or Mars and a similar message "Me and DD just hopped on a shuttle to the red planet, she wanted all her little friends to know she's dying of oxygen starvation!"

But then I'm a little shit.

We recently had someone post pictures of children (causing a minor nuisance in our area) on our village facebook group. These photos indicated that the children were local, giving away the village that they live in. If the child was fleeing domestic violence or adopted for example, this could have put them in danger.

I think it’s overdoing it to say she’s creepy etc, I’ve taken photos at school events/days out really quickly because I wanted some picture and they probably looked weird- a pic of the kids in the distance getting on the school bus or having lunch. I didn’t share them but maybe she thinks she’s helping. If it bugs you so much just get an admin to post: just a reminder that the WhatsApp group is for everyday school issues only such as reminders of school events, homework, lost items etc.

Agree with people that she sounds lonely or may actually have ‘nothing better to do with her time’ (a phrase I hate!!)

That message is perfectly reasonable but not everybody will take it in the right spirit. If you say something like that, be prepared for any amount of feathers being ruffled and 'Who made you boss of WhatsApp' comments.

In most WhatsApp groups there always seems to be someone who posts endless gifs, avatars, pics of their DC, DGC, dogs, holidays and whatnot. Nobody dares say anything because of the above. It is frustrating, but if the poster uses what's really an admin group as part of their socials, all you can hope for is mass, consistent non-engagement with the off-topic stuff and hope the message gets through. Good luck!

when she next posts, reply with the suggestion that it would be good to have two whatsapp groups - one for essential messages/news and an optional one for tedious pictures of X's child.
You may want to word it a bit more diplomatically than that.

It’s obviously bugging the life out of you and It would me too!
You don’t need to be in the chat really do you though, if there’s anything school related they’ll notify you and parties if the kid really wants your kid to go the parent will contact you or send an invite through the school. There’s no need to be in a chat with people that, at the end of the day you aren’t interested in!!ha
Contact the school to tell them about the parent acting like a creepy stalker and leave the WhatsApp chat. Simple as that.

You’re being a bit dramatic. Mute the group until you have a question to ask.

The irony is you’re getting miffed because she’s posting some random stuff and you’ve come on MN and created an entire thread about it all.

We have a woman who rushes to post alerts and screenshots emails. We all value it because comms from school are so erratic and we know if we ever need an answer she most probably has it. Saves us all reading the waffle that comes out through various means of school comms which are entirely erratic.

The waffle does tail off each school year. Reception was pretty mental though.

The photos from afar on school trips is super weird though, agree with that one. However maybe she has coincidently seen them and thinks some of the parents would like to see their little ones enjoying themselves/who they’re friends hanging out with? I dunno. Seems odd.

Totally this.
I knew a mum like that and her husband was having an affair and left her and her kids without willing to see them anymore. She had no family. She did loads of efforts to do activities with her kids and she would send pics. She obviously needed attention and some encouragement. I was one of the parents putting some love hearths and a few time I messaged her in private complimenting her as I felt so sorry for her.
it is a lonely place to be a parent some times.

The best day of my life was when my youngest left school for good
So pleased I don't have to deal with schools anymore.
For what I read on here sometimes it sounds as if it's worse now.
More drama with the school gate parents than their is with the kids.

@Btwmum23 you sound really lovely! Tbh I can sympathise with this mum as I often feel lonely. You don’t know what people are going through. You can’t judge someone as weird by your own standards. You have no idea what they are living, this might be her Only time to feel a connection with adults

Definitely inform the school about the unauthorised photos. At our school that would be a major safeguarding issue for a couple of children. Echo PP who said all hell would break loose at our school if that happened.

I'm asking in what way it breaches data privacy laws?

It seems to be a bit of a muddy area when it comes to actual law, rather than guidelines etc.

Yeh this does sound a bit bizarre. On our whatsapp group we use it almost entirely to ask logistical questions and arrange collections etc. I will snap pics/videos of the kids if I see a cute moment but I would never snap them 'sniper-style' during a school trip I wasn't even meant to be at. That's quite creepy. It would always be when kids were interacting with my own kids as well and I'd always only share privately with whichever other kids were involved too.

It's a tough one though as you don't want to seem like a bitch. If you're admin of the group I think you'd be perfectly reasonable to put a polite notice that the group is intended for admin, that sharing other posts clogs it up and suggest that anyone who wants to share photos/achievements starts a separate optional group. If you aren't admin I'd message someone who's admin privately and voice your concerns so that they can do the above. If they don't then not much you can do except not engage with the nuisance poster. Either way I'd be reporting her paparazzi shinnadigans to the school as I think this needs nipping in the bud

The turning up on a school trip and taking photos is very very odd - I don't imagine the
School would be happy with a parent doing this and posting photos when children are in their care and without permission.

The other stuff I'd just ignore.

Definitely!!

Tbh I found the first part weirder than the second but can see I’m in the minority!

Birthday parties in a whole class WhatsApp chat… not everyone gets invited to every party after Reception. It’s a bit odd to talk about parties in a WhatsApp group when not every child will have been invited.

On the second part, my first thought after reading the OP was that she obviously has time to go along as a parent helper. Keeping the parent group up to date with how the trip is going / some nice photos isn’t necessarily a problem. However that would only be the case if she could be certain that all parents were happy for those photos to be shared.