Does anyone else's mum do this?!

[maria2bela1]

Sorry just need a rant. Me and my mum are close, she's a good mum, yes made some mistakes along the way but a good mum, helps me regularly with my children etc.

There's one thing that recently has been bugging me. She makes me pay for everything! For example when we go to cafes, it will be her idea and she will say 'go on go and pay before we leave' or when shopping she will just add her stuff to my trolley and put in all together at checkout. If it was once in a while i wouldn't even think about it, but it's every time we're together which is often. She sends me links to stuff to order for her online with no mention of reimbursing me etc. She IS my mum and honestly this is why I don't say anything, but it's like she feels entitled because she helps me sometimes. If it was one offs I wouldn't even think about it, but it's all the time. I don't know if I am just being over sensitive with this, she's my mum, should I just put up and let it go.

Mine doesn’t. We go halves

be more firm. She’s not arsed about your feelings so why are you arsed about hers? Say something like ‘do you want to send me half the money for the bill or shall we just pay for our own now?’ No option of paying for her given. If you think that she’d be cheeky and never pay you half then just say ‘shall we split the bill half and half or pay for our own items?’ And make it obvious you both pay at the same time

Is it that she feels you need to compensate her for the help she gives you re the kids? That’s what I’m Thinking is going on?

No my mums the opposite rarely accepts me paying for anything even when I offer she seems offended but she doesn't help with my kids though at all so maybe as pp said that she wants compensating especially if you don't pay her to look after them?

No we go halves or mum pays

No my kids do this to me

Mine doesn’t do this; she has more disposable income than me so she often pays but I always always offer

I think that's pretty cheeky, I'd have to say 'Mum, I can't afford that, are you paying?'

No, mines the other way entirely. I have to nearly fight her to get in to pay first. Much like the scene in Father Ted with Mrs Doyle and her friend fighting about who pays for lunch.

When she puts stuff in your basket put it out with the divider between.

When you go to a cafe say your turn this time I think.

If she sends a link ask her to transfer the money and then you'll order.

You have kind of made a rod for your own back by not setting the boundaries earlier. But time to stop now.

Are you more well off than her? Does she think you have plenty of money and she is on low income.

Nope, mine usually pays! And if I asked her to pick something up for me she'd never take the offered cash, I'd bank transfer to her so she couldn't refuse.

I guess it depends on your financial situations. For a long time my parents had much more money than me, now I earn more I often treat them, not because they can't afford it but because I'm trying to thank them for years of kindness

She sends me links to stuff to order for her online with no mention of reimbursing me etc.
The rest of it is bad but this is ridiculous. Why can’t she order her own stuff? If you do want to order things for her, I’d tell her yes sure, send me the money for it then I’ll order.
Does she have some idea that you’re very well off?

My in laws do this! They seem convinced we are rolling in money - I wish we were!!

All of this. It’s bizarre that you haven’t done any of it already!

No, my parents pay for everything when we go out. My inlaws do the same when we're out with them. I can't imagine letting my kids pay.

My mother does this - there is always an expectation I will pay. Maybe every 7th time she will pay

My parents pay,my in laws we go half's usually.

My mum helps with childcare a lot but is the opposite with money to yours. I have to almost fight to pay for anything and if she picks up something for me from the shop, I have to sneak the money into her bag as she won't accept it. It does get annoying tbh as we're better off than my parents now they are retired!

When your shopping put a basket in the trolley for her then unload it with a divider between. If she sends a link say great transfer the money and I'll order it....
But if she's doing regular childcare several times a week think about what your saving and just pay it.

No, both sets of parents are the opposite to this, they refuse to let us pay for things. We have to fight them in public to get them to let us pay, and they still usually win!! It's quite embarrassing but there is just no telling them. To be honest I can imagine I'll be the same way with my own adult children in the future and will prob not let them pay for things.

If you're close can't you just say 'mum can you get this/go halves/pay for your stuff?' If there's enough familiarity for her to expect you to pay there's enough for you to tell her to get her own, surely? And no, I don't think many mums would do this unless they were struggling, their DC were well off, and the DC insisted.

This.

I knew my parents would like my DH when we went out (early dating) and DH and DF had a protracted fight about who would pay. Me and mum just sat and rolled our eyes.

With mum we take turns with both of us fighting to pay. Eventually evens out mostly.

I have grown up children. I cannot imagine asking them to always pay, or ever really.

How much childcare does @maria2bela1 your mum do though? If it's an afternoon once a week, I think she's outrageous but if it's two days a week with sleepovers at the weekends, perhaps not so unreasonable if she's saving you lots of money and giving you regular me time.

Snap.

We must have the same mum 😁

We have had debit card fights, of who can tap the card machine first.

My dad on the other hand - he never turns down a free pint when one of his children pays 😂

I always paid for my mum, but she had no money and I was OK. I would deliberately get her to pick stuff for herself to put in the trolley at the supermarket and refuse to let her pay. Just depends on circumstances. My MIL would never let me pay for anything, which annoyed me a lot!

I'm the Mum and Gran, and no I do not do this.