Does anyone else's mum do this?!

[maria2bela1]

Sorry just need a rant. Me and my mum are close, she's a good mum, yes made some mistakes along the way but a good mum, helps me regularly with my children etc.

There's one thing that recently has been bugging me. She makes me pay for everything! For example when we go to cafes, it will be her idea and she will say 'go on go and pay before we leave' or when shopping she will just add her stuff to my trolley and put in all together at checkout. If it was once in a while i wouldn't even think about it, but it's every time we're together which is often. She sends me links to stuff to order for her online with no mention of reimbursing me etc. She IS my mum and honestly this is why I don't say anything, but it's like she feels entitled because she helps me sometimes. If it was one offs I wouldn't even think about it, but it's all the time. I don't know if I am just being over sensitive with this, she's my mum, should I just put up and let it go.

No she always tries to pay. Tbh in my twenties I used to let her more than I probably should have done, though she is better off than me. Now in my 30s with two salaries coming into our household I always try to insist on paying, but she usually tries to fight me to pay, so ends up with her still paying a bit more often. But at least I pay sometimes now!

I’m the mum here and I try to pay. In a restaurant I went to the loo and DD tried to pay, she says I barreled out of the bathroom waving my card. She is trying to build a career in a foreign city I want to pay, can’t imagine when she is more established that it will change😂

No mine is the opposite, insists on paying. I let her sometimes and try and pre-pay for stuff like outings by card to thwart her…

In turn I will probably pay for my dc, although I will probably allow halves.

@maria2bela1 are your disposable incomes similar?

my DD is 30 and I pay for everything if we go out ! ….she will occasionally buy a coffee or a breakfast but mainly it’s me that pays…..I buy lunch….buy her an outfit….a bag….her train fare ….tbf I always offer……my Mums 88 and she pays everything for me when we are out …,always has ….think that’s why I do it with my DD….If I couldn’t afford it I wouldn’t do it

Absolutely not. She's quite hard up for money but she's not a CF about it. She's more likely to be spending money she doesn't have on the kids.

Wow! My mum would almost fight me to pay for me! She genuinely loved to treat us. I love treating my kids. I think you should say you can't afford it or ask her to pay for her stuff.

Although to add to mine and go against the grain my mum never accepts me paying but she also never pays for anything it's very much you pay for you / I will pay for me, she wouldn't ever offer to pay for things. In the past she's bought me things (I haven't asked for) then asked me for the money for it

Nope. My dad loves to treat me so he will randomly order Amazon stuff
Or say come to Tesco and I'll pay for your shopping (I add stuff up as I'm on a tight budget and he said just get what you want and stop adding it in your head)

So do mine, it’s like getting blood out of a stone so rarely get paid back.I now present them with the receipt and won’t take no for an answer.
Your Mum shouldn’t presume that you’ll pay, but agree it’s a difficult prob for you.
Try saying you’re a bit short just now, let’s go halves.

That’s actually quite mercenary grabby behaviour op! Why do you agree to it?

I'd avoid going shopping or into cafes with you mum if possible.

your

My mum tends to wander away or get ‘distracted’ in restaurants or at events/when we are buying tickets and definitely assumes we’ll pay for her. She sometimes says she’ll pay me back, but often forgets. My PIL (who have a lot less financially) I have to fight to be allowed to pay and sidle up to places early to avoid them trying to treat us.
We are better off then both I think, but the difference is noticeable, and I can’t imagine not wanting to treat my two (who are both young adults now)

Even my mum though doesn’t get me to order stuff for her: that’s next level…

we can afford it so I just sign inwardly now, but if money was tighter I’d try and call her out I think: ‘ooh, I got last time didn’t I - are you ok to cover this?’ ‘Oh, those are your bits in the shopping aren’t they - shall I pop them here for you?’ It’s not fair on you :-(

I am a mum and GM and 9 times out of 10 I pay. I don't do as much childcare now our GC are at school though.

@sparkleowl

Funnily enough my two adult dc are like yours

Twice in the last two months we've had family/sibling birthdays and I've been asked to order what siblings want and they transfer the funds yet I'm still waiting.

That was the final straw this month after months of coffee out trips and everyone dispersing while I just pay the bill

Sadly my parents are similar so I end up footing the bill both ends but I've stopped now.

The other night adult dc after I'd picked her up as her train was cancelled wanted to stop at a drive thru. She requested it,we got there,she then ordered and ordered for other dc (still a young teen)we got to the other side and she didn't even pull her card out just expected me to pay.
The realisation hit that im just too soft and being taken advantage of here.

Both my adult dc have a higher disposable income than me thanks to me finding things for them so of course they're going to expect it

So for the foreseeable I will no longer be doing it at all

I ordered some things on Amazon for my mum to aid her in recovering from a minor surgery.

She didn't even ask how much the items were or offered to re Imburse.

I just recently ended up footing the bill for a partial outbuilding fix they asked me to help sort out and I kick myself because they know full well I just let it go it's so frustrating.

I recently gifted them some money to treat themselves to a couple of meals out and they just seemed not appreciative or grateful and yet my useless sibling took a bunch of shop flowers down the other day and it's all she went on ablout even though I'd been and bought groceries to make things easier after the surgery as well as a bouquet of flowers.

Im going to have to get as tight as the kids and parents I think.

Im not funding them anymore

No my mum always pays, even if I try to pay she’ll leave money in my car. It makes me feel awful as we have more money than she does.

Most mothers would pay for their adult child in a café. She's being mean.

No my mum is the opposite and wants to pay for everything, I don’t let her all the time.

if we go for lunch she wants to pay, if I buy something at the shops when I’m wih her she wants to pay, if we order drinks, she wants to pay,

I do let her he majority of times but other times I pay.

Opposite. I have to wrestle her card off her to stop her paying, and when I do pay she says lovely morbid things like 'My money's your money when I'm gone, you may as well have it now.' Thanks mum, but can I just pay for lunch?

Mine. Since the day I graduated 25 years ago she hasn’t paid for more than a round of ice-creams at the beach maybe 4 times a year. Drives me up the wall; we have had huge arguments about it, but still she doesn’t change. I am literally the only adult I know whose parents don’t pay when they are out. And it’s not just that she doesn’t pay, she doesn’t even offer. Neither does she offer to pay for anything I buy for her whilst in a supermarket, but charges me for anything she gets for me.
she has a very odd view of money generally, and certainly since I’ve been married our household income has been higher than hers….. but then she retired at 45 with her mortgage (on a 4 bed detached now worth £1m) paid off. She does some childcare for us, but has repeatedly refused to be paid, so perhaps she sees it as some sort of payback (although I was single, childless and earning for 10 years and she didn’t offer then either). She regularly comes on holiday with us (as far away as Australia) and never offers to cover flights or accommodation (pays us back in ice-cream). Left to her own devices she would never go out for a meal/coffee/on holiday, so I think she thinks if we want her to come we should pay as she’d be equally happy to stay at home. I don’t know what the answer is, but I absolutely empathise @maria2bela1

My parents are very generous but also fair minded so it tends to be turn and turn about rather than split down the middle. They would pay for everything if I needed them to but I don't. Likewise I'd sub them if needed, but it isn't. They have a general attitude that wealth should flow down the generations not up but they aren't militant about it and over the last 5 years have started to just accept that I'll pay for more stuff. My brother is in less fortunate financial circumstances so just lets them pay which is also fine, I used to let them pay when I was broke too!

Mine doesn't. My mum pays for everything. She will never let me pay. Sometimes I have to whip my card out and tap it before she can lol o

No I would imagine most mums do not do this. My mum would never do this and I would not do this to my child. In fact my mum always try’s to pay for my stuff when we go out shopping etc

No my mum never lets me post for anything when we go anywhere and I’m 53!