AIBU OR DO I OR DH DO TOO MUCH AT HOME?

[irishchick93]

Basically just comparing to some friends.

DH works physical job one hour away from home. 6 days a week Leaves 7am Home at 5 pm and farms for 2 hours. Home 7pm for dinner made by me and shower. Then generally takes over I have kids pj's on 1 x aged 4
1 x 9 months old

He does bedtime I then have from around 8.30ish to myself but also dishwasher uniforms etc.

However I don't work, well I don't have a paid job! Child 1 at school until 2pm and baby at nursery 2 x mornings 9-12.

I help to care for elderly in-law and do shopping bit of cleaning etc for her.

Visit my family and friends. Few lunches out.

My family are all saying I'm ridiculous and do nothing. I feel like I do so much?! Am I really spoilt??? I don't really care what they say but just wanted outsiders opinion. It's okay for them husbands working from.home etc but mine is literally away 13/14 hours everyday and we aren't financially struggling. Of course I could work a few evenings or weekends but he earns more so surely it makes more sense for him to work. Am I being called spoilt for being traditional?

Thanks if u got this far lol

When does your DH have time to himself?

Well he golfs on wed evening sorry forgot to add that. And say every 3rd sat evening in the pub for the football??

Family day on sunday!

You work hard but so does your dh. I don’t think I could be on the go as consistently as he is every day

id collapse lol

He works full time and is a part time farmer on top?

I also class the farming as a sort of hobby. As its his grandfathers he actually doesn't get any money from it but enjoys it?! No guarantee that it will ever be his

He's also heading overseas this weekend for a show(weekend of drinking and fun) 😆

Your DH timetable sounds awful, I'd be taking over some of the farm chores if I were you.

Are you the poster who had a bit of a meltdown about your DH not being around to watch your DC blow out his 3rd birthday candles as he was responding to a neighbour's sheep/dog emergency?

It’s not really anyone’s business but you and your DH’s how you organise your household. Are you both in agreement that this works?

But beyond that: your life doesn’t sound very fulfilling. Childcare, chores, cleaning, elderly care. It’s not exactly the stuff of life. The change of scenery and money and outside engagement with others offered by a part time job might give you more independence and balance.

Ready above re:farm and no that wasn't me

If you on mat leave from work everyone would expect your husband to still help out. Your baby is only 9 months. You send them for nursery for 6 hours a week but use similar time to care for other relatives. Sounds like you do a lot to me

Yes. Unpaid farmhelp

If it works for you both, there's nothing wrong.

then have from around 8.30ish to myself but also dishwasher uniforms etc.
your child finishes school at 2pm, don't push it, you don't need to wait the evening to put a load of laundry on.

You are lucky, you really don't "do much". You should recognise that at least.

YABU to call farming a "hobby".

You might not be spoilt, but you sound very ungrateful. Your DH does A LOT.

But if it isnt paid and its not a hobby what is it exactly ?

Also forgot to add. He doesn't do a thing with house kids life administration just to add that in. I don't mind because I like to do it but just saying

Yes sorry dishwasher and washing off dirty clothes from yours truly :)

The farming sounds like work, albeit unpaid, same as you caring for an elderly in-law is work.

Are you and your husband happy? What other people think isn't really relevant.

Can you do the washing in the day? You’d have more evening time with your husband then.

I wouldn’t worry for the moment, you’ll have loads of time to go out to work when the youngest starts school.

If you’re happy and you can afford it and you’re pension provisions are sorted, then I’d enjoy the break if that suits you?

No you aren't spoilt.

2 under 5 will be time consuming even if they are nursery/school.

By the time you've done the drop offs it will be time to pickup from nursery and then you barely get turned round and it's time for school pick up. It must feel like you are in perpetual motion .

And caring for In-law. Plus family admin.

I'd be pretty resentful about the unpaid 'farming'. He's absenting himself from family life for what? Most hobbies don't take 2hrs every night.

@irishchick93 youve seriously misdescribed this.

You are a full time parent to a preschooler who’s only in nursery 2 mornings a week, as well as having another older child. The time you get “off” is those 2 mornings (do you really sit around at your leisure during this time?) and the half hour your DH does bedtime (do you also sit around watching tv during this time, I doubt it).

Your husband has a full time job and chooses spend 2 hours most evenings on his hobby (eg gym, cycling, allotment).

Would he even be able to do a full time job if you weren’t at home the rest of the time looking after his children?

So no I don’t think this is inequitable. You need to take his farming totally out of the equation

It sounds fine to me. I’d be tired if I were the Dh but if I complained about that I’d expect my Dh to point out 2 hours a day on a farm to help my grandpa is a fuckload and that he doesn’t get 2 hours a day hobby time so if something has to be cut back that is first in the line.

same "hobby" as you caring for elderly relatives?

when on earth would you expect him to do it, when YOU are home most of the time?

it's the very least you can do. It's supposed to be team work. You don't sound very grateful.

Her dh does a damn sight more.

It's his Grandfather's farm. Many farms are family businesses so he is helping out.

@AGodawfulsmallaffair

I think they both do a lot, it works for them and they aren’t in competition.