AIBU OR DO I OR DH DO TOO MUCH AT HOME?

[irishchick93]

Basically just comparing to some friends.

DH works physical job one hour away from home. 6 days a week Leaves 7am Home at 5 pm and farms for 2 hours. Home 7pm for dinner made by me and shower. Then generally takes over I have kids pj's on 1 x aged 4
1 x 9 months old

He does bedtime I then have from around 8.30ish to myself but also dishwasher uniforms etc.

However I don't work, well I don't have a paid job! Child 1 at school until 2pm and baby at nursery 2 x mornings 9-12.

I help to care for elderly in-law and do shopping bit of cleaning etc for her.

Visit my family and friends. Few lunches out.

My family are all saying I'm ridiculous and do nothing. I feel like I do so much?! Am I really spoilt??? I don't really care what they say but just wanted outsiders opinion. It's okay for them husbands working from.home etc but mine is literally away 13/14 hours everyday and we aren't financially struggling. Of course I could work a few evenings or weekends but he earns more so surely it makes more sense for him to work. Am I being called spoilt for being traditional?

Thanks if u got this far lol

I think for someone not working your doing very little tbh. My day starts at 6:30 am I look full-time after my disabled grandad who lives with us plus 3 toddlers and teens. All the house work and washing is done by lunchtime and ye just the general caring chores the rest of the day. Hubby leaves house 4:30am and gets back around 3pm and even tho I don't fully expect it will dive in with kids or making tea for 5 or helping with grandad. But I try to do the bulk before he gets home as I feel he works extremely hard for us as a family

If he's happy and you're happy, I really wouldn't worry about what anyone else thinks!

He's a very hard worker. 6 days a week physical labour - work then farming is a LOT. I'd be worrying about his health long term.

I wouldn’t be happy about the farming and I come from a farming background. It seems your DH is avoiding being home. When do you have time together?

I also think you're not doing a lot.

Not sure what the point of your post is? If you're all happy with it, crack on.

So it’s a luxury you had but you just want the op to know it’s a luxury?? I know plenty of women who got more help than that from their mums. For most of them I say good luck to them (not the ones who took the absolute piss with everyone to be fair) she’s happy, he’s happy, he can cut down on the farming with grandpa if they aren’t happy. If I had a grandchild with young dc I would absolutely not fucking let them work with me for 2 hours of the day after work- I’d tell them children are precious, you can’t give them back and you owe them your best time in these young years, go give them a bath and a cuddle and change their nappy and tell them a story, make them feel happy and loved.

God people on MN really tend to be awful to women about how much they should be getting done. I'm on mat leave with a 10mo and it's hard work. When he's awake it's more or less 100% running round after the little whirlwind. Don't know how I'd manage another small child and no help with housework. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing the majority of it but my husband still does bedtime and then we both blitz any remaining house chores before downtime.

Maybe I'm just missing the trick where you manage to cook 3 meals a day, feed them to children, feed yourself too, clean up kids and kitchen which is not a minor feat with a weaning baby. Make up bottles, wash them up, do laundry, hang it out, ring the doctors, be on hold to the bank about something, do the supermarket shop, Google whether something your child is doing is a symptom of something scary, send baby photos to in laws in a foreign country and make polite conversation with them (a chore for me but I feel bad they're so far away and get nothing from DH), clean the house, tidy up from kids over and over. Etc etc. and that's without relatives to care for.

Maybe I just make too much work out of things. Notably, allowing the baby to walk round causing chaos, saving too much for nap time because it's too hard to do when he's awake, using reusable nappies and having no tumble drier, making all meals from scratch, baby led weaning and all the mess that makes, and allowing baby to get mucky outside. And we have had more admin stuff than usual recently.

It sounds to me you're in a similar position. Pretty busy but a nice life mainly. Husband is lucky to have a meal on the table, and gets to go and spend nice time with his kids while you wash up from dinner etc. I'm not sure why you've had so much advice to do the dishwasher in the daytime. Firstly my 10mo climbs into the dishwasher if I open it and had a screaming meltdown if I close it so he can't, but more importantly it's quite hard to wash up from dinner before dinner has been cooked and eaten.

I'm rambling because I'm tired...it's 1am and I'm up with baby. Which is why I couldn't be a SAHM (well not til I can afford a cleaner and a bit of childcare whilst not working haha)- everything falls your way and I hate the lack of control. Yes DH works hard but he can say I'm going to do X and then do it. Children and housework laugh in the face of plans. And it's so bloody endless, no clocking off at all and everything gets undone so quick.