To ask how you would split budget for this holiday

[StellaGibson2022]

Hello all,

Just seeking some ideas to see if there is a better way of splitting a spend budget for a holiday.

Me and my DC are going away with a close family member. We have done all inclusive previously but this year we are going self catering.

In the past we have had a kitty for incidental spends which was okay but two things happened which irritated me slightly:

• daily I was told that I had not budgeted enough for each day; but
• at the end of the holiday what was left in the kitty was ‘borrowed’ by the close relative for a spend up at the jewellers. I wasnt reminbursed and it was was probably only about £100 so not a huge amount.

However I am naturally frugal (not tight but as a single parent I obviously am on a budget). I like to make considered purchases and am trying to teach my DC the same. I like to plan ahead slightly so that I dont waste money on unexpected spends. Holidays for me are about the pool, sight-seeing, the beach and of course eating out/food.

The thing is I like to have a drink (close family member ‘doesnt need a drink to have a good time’) and I like to treat my DC. We are on holiday!

I am thinking that this time I dont want to pool all my spends into a kitty though and I am not sure why. Last time I felt bad when I wanted to buy DC something or when I was having a drink etc.

As we are self catering we will buy bits for breakfast and snacks, drinks for the apartment etc etc. Day trips usually come out of the kitty too.

How do you all budget and split spends? Basically I want a budget for the kitty and then my own spends and dont want to buy souvenirs, jewellery or trinkets out of the kitty. Nor gifts to take home for other family members…

AIBU to ask how you would approach this? Close family member is both reckless with money and extremely sensitive…

can’t believe you’re going back on holiday with someone who moaned at you last time
and didn’t bother to pay you back

talk about being a sucker for punishment

I would do exactly that propose a kitty for food/ trips/ basics and clearly explain that gifts etc will come from your private spend.

Last time I felt bad when I wanted to buy DC something or when I was having a drink etc.

WTF

i wouldn’t go with this person!

I know!!! My DC really likes this person though and I am trying to be nice!

your mother?

Who cares if your DC “really likes” this person
you’re their parent and they “really love” you!!

Couldn’t you just have a kitty for food? And pay for day trips and ice creams etc separately.
Alternatively we used to alternate food shops with our friends on holiday but kept a tally to ensure that each family paid roughly the same. It was all evened out by the end of the week.
I’ve never spent my holiday budget on gifts to take home for other family members

they’ll see their mum not picked at and peed off a this person they really like huffing when they ask for an ice cream

unless of course you need this person around to watch your kids if you drink excessively?

I read "your mother".

I say no kitty. A simple "let's just each pay our own" should suffice and split the self catering food costs for the week.

Kitty for food and necessities at the accommodation - your spending money stays with you. None of their business what you choose to spend your money on. Can’t understand why you’d entertain another holiday with them when they more or less stole your share of the left over kitty last time.

I’d propose a food kitty for JOINT stuff in the self catering accommodation and everything else is up to you as individuals.

so if you want to buy a few bottles of wine for the accom, that’s on you. Her trinkets are on her.

I wouldn't do a kitty, pay for yourself and DC and family member pays for themselves. With only 3 of you it really wouldn't be difficult to keep spends separate. Split cost of a grocery shop on arrival for snacks/ drinks etc.

Golly. I definitely wouldn't be having shared expenses with someone who basically stole from the kitty last time

if it was bad when it was AI

its going to be much worse if self catered

i wouldn’t holiday with them

and it wasn’t just that. They sound awful!

Never mind that they moaned at you, they went off with £100!!

Do you really have to have a kitty?

I yes, I would be very clear that the kitty is for food and drinks only. Just pay for day trips separately. If your booze is a flash point, exclude alcohol. It needs to be black and white so there's no wriggle room for piss taking or disagreements.

“Hi, just thinking forward to the holiday! I was thinking of a bit of a plan re meals… I reckon stick £150 (or however much) in the kitty each to cover shared meals and bits for the apartments etc and then anything we want to buy extra for ourselves (you know how I like a holiday tipple!) can come out of our personal budget. this will make it easier for me to budget for souvenirs and DC too- let me know your thoughts ☺️”

Would it be split per person or just the adults putting in?

I don't know how many DC you have but surely the family member, as a single person, would be better off being in agreement to paying your own ways for everything then they'll only be paying for stuff they use/eat.

Unless they really do take the piss and contribute the bare minimum.

I have never heard of a stranger 'kitty'. It's not normal.

'Kitty' pays for basic food shop/top up veg/milk/bread etc.

if everyone is drinking much the same 'she' pays for that too, if not people buy their own.

'Kitty' might 'shout' a round of drinks or ice creams if everyone's there/participating, if not everyone buys their own.

'Kitty' absolutely does not buy souvenirs, gifts to take home, meals out etc.

i know your Mum/AuntyFriend/Ex. Mystery 'person' is sensitive, but just get them told before you go that 'Kitty' covers xyz only. anything else you both pay for personally.

Theyre taking you for a ride, put a stop to it now, BEFORE you go.

Personally I wouldn't go on holiday with them, the kids can see them at home.

Don't have a physical kitty. Use splitwise for shared expenses like food and day trips. This allows you to keep track of who pays for what and you can tally up at the end.

If you insist on having a physical kitty, ask family member to put in extra £100 to cover their jewellery purchase at the end of the last holiday.

I don’t understand why you can’t just spend your own money and if you happen to do a shared shop split it? Even then it wont be even as it’s more of you vs. One of them so they’d presumably be coming off worse.

Why did you decide self catering when it was such a nightmare last time as it’s going to be such a pain to work out costs for shared things and as you say you’ll be dipping in more for the kids and feeling constantly judged.

Sounds like youre a glutton for punishment since they effectively robbed you last time so tbh I’d be saying since they didn’t manage money well last time let’s just all pay for what we have as we go individually to keep better track.

Simply just say - lets not have a 'kitty'.

It sounds bizarre to do that anyway.

If you go out for dinner, just both pay a share and same with daytrips and food for your apartment.

You're not happy with her spending the £100 leftover but, equally she might have been thinking the same thing about the alcohol and kids stuff.

Thank you all - some of these made me laugh in a nice way! I thought I had disguised my ‘close family member’ well hahaha

I def dont drink excessively - small carafe of wine with my dinner, maybe a G&T before we leave the apartment to go for dinner. A shandy with lunch type thing. I like to relax but I also like this time to be with DC (which also seemed to irritate the close family member in hindsight - what was I thinking?!)

Kitties only really work when everyone is pretty much eating and drinking the same things...and then if there is something for one person alone they pay that themselves.

I've been on holidays where everyone has got that and holidays where it's been a real real problem.

So for friends where it's a problem we'll split the shop instead. And pay our own way for meals etc.

I think no kitty. They probably felt owed the £100 if you drink and they don't, as your spends would have been higher. Also, was it a 3 way or 2 way kitty, again if 2 way I would have felt a bit miffed at you paying for your dc's treats out of it. I wouldn't want to be in a kitty with someone with a child who drinks more than me.
Just do as a pay as you go. Split food shopping, travel, entertainment and meals out 3 ways and buy the alcohol separately.