To ask how you would split budget for this holiday

[StellaGibson2022]

Hello all,

Just seeking some ideas to see if there is a better way of splitting a spend budget for a holiday.

Me and my DC are going away with a close family member. We have done all inclusive previously but this year we are going self catering.

In the past we have had a kitty for incidental spends which was okay but two things happened which irritated me slightly:

• daily I was told that I had not budgeted enough for each day; but
• at the end of the holiday what was left in the kitty was ‘borrowed’ by the close relative for a spend up at the jewellers. I wasnt reminbursed and it was was probably only about £100 so not a huge amount.

However I am naturally frugal (not tight but as a single parent I obviously am on a budget). I like to make considered purchases and am trying to teach my DC the same. I like to plan ahead slightly so that I dont waste money on unexpected spends. Holidays for me are about the pool, sight-seeing, the beach and of course eating out/food.

The thing is I like to have a drink (close family member ‘doesnt need a drink to have a good time’) and I like to treat my DC. We are on holiday!

I am thinking that this time I dont want to pool all my spends into a kitty though and I am not sure why. Last time I felt bad when I wanted to buy DC something or when I was having a drink etc.

As we are self catering we will buy bits for breakfast and snacks, drinks for the apartment etc etc. Day trips usually come out of the kitty too.

How do you all budget and split spends? Basically I want a budget for the kitty and then my own spends and dont want to buy souvenirs, jewellery or trinkets out of the kitty. Nor gifts to take home for other family members…

AIBU to ask how you would approach this? Close family member is both reckless with money and extremely sensitive…

Just split the cost of the food for in the accommodation and then pay ad hoc for everything else

This is perfect - thank you :)

so you are still going to go on holiday with them and have to put up with their sneering and judgement? dreamy

@StellaGibson2022 I’m with you. I hate a restriction on spending how I want. I wouldn’t have a kitty this time. Tell your relative that. What I would do is say that you can take turns buying breakfast supplies. Or, you do the shopping and ask for equitable reimbursement. Drinks/meals/days out can all be paid for by each person/family at the time. If you dont want to split restaurant bills then say so upfront and ask that the server prepares a separate bill for you and your child. Or, just pay a split proportion of the bill rather than out the kitty. I certainly wouldn’t sit quiet and have them criticise my spending after their free for all with the kitty remainder last time. I would bring that up. Not to get the money back but just to note it to piss them off 🤣

I'm guessing you are holidaying with my mother! Doesn't drink, eats only small meals so buys jewellery or perfume with her onboard spend on cruises!

To be fair, you have extra people included in your half, so your mum is paying more than half ( if this is how it was split).

I wouldn't have a kitty except for food and I would offer to pay a little extra as I had a child/children.

I wouldn’t go with them again!

Enjoy your holiday and will be much more relaxing for you to keep your money separate so you dont have to justify it to family member!

On a recent extended family holiday we all did bits of shopping. We had a shared spreadsheet that we put down what we’d spent (minus any personal spending) then at the end we worked out what each person was owed. The people who drank more alcohol just bought that out of their personal money.

Definitely use a splitting app rather than physical money.

Make it fair so if your share with drinks and DD comes to more than their share then split so you pay 60% or similar.

Why did you never challenge them about the jewellery?

This is why I don't go on holiday with anyone other than DP 😂

On a serious note, I agree with PPs who said that a kitty only works if everyone is on the same page food / drink / activity wise...

Also I couldn't go away with someone (no matter how "close" they are to me!) that would judge me for having a drink on holiday?! WTF?! You say this person "doesn't need a drink to have a good time"? I would say the opposite! Maybe a drink will loosen them up a bit! FGS why you have even entertained going with them again is beyond me...

Anyway, good luck and enjoy, I guess 😕

I can't believe the original kitty included souvenirs etc. the only way I can see why this might be a thing would be if your close family member wanted to contribute to the cost of things for your DC so the kitty is split 50/50 even though it's more people on your side.

I think absolutely, this year kitty is just for food at the apartment and any fees for entry to things, travel etc. All other spending is ad hoc. You don't want to have to ask permission to buy the DC an icecream or to pour yourself another glass of wine.

I cannot believe anyone would think a kitty is a good idea. It will always and invariably lead to bad feelings.

Splitwise. We use it for every single trip. Put every single expense on there. Share nothing.

Just tell them you don't think it's fair for them to have to subsidise your drinks or your kids treats etc so you think it would be fairest to have a kitty for staples at the self catering that you all use like bread and milk and snacks and you then pay for your own share of everything else. Either that or agree to take it in turns if it's a faff splitting the bill but agree you'll enter everything into one of those bill splitting apps and settle up at the end (though settling up doesn't seem to be their strong point)

Small kitty for the communal food. Day trips and meals out pay your own costs at point of paying, separate bills easiest way. Rest of your money is your own.

Aside from stocking some groceries, you don’t need a kitty. Even for that, with 3 vs 1 and probably not all the food overlapping, it’s not clear it all should be communal anyway. Keep your money separate aside from what is truly shared.

I wouldn't have a kitty at all.

Keep receipts, alternate who pays, use Splitwise or something similar (spreadsheets also fine) to keep track of the shared expenses, and you each spend what you want on individual costs.

But whatever tack you take, get agreement from them first.

And if they have form for being a CF (which they do, with the jeweller thing), then make sure they pay slightly more of the shared costs so you're reimbursing them at the end, not the other way round where it might not happen.

Already sounds like the opposite of a holiday and highlights one of the many reasons I try to avoid trips/holidays with "outsiders" (i.e. those I'm not financially responsible to or for)

Just tell your DM you'd prefer to only share things like bread and butter, and keep all your other spending money separate.

Why bother having a kitty? Can you not just share the costs as they come up so you go get snacks and food then both chip in, same if you have a meal out just put in what you’ve had or split the bill or whatever

I'd be saying 'Well there is already the £100 I left in the kitty from last time to be used......'

This. Why on earth would a kitty include what you want to spend personally on presents or ice cream, that’s up to you ! I’ve never heard of a kitty including personal spending money

Use Splitwise app for essential spends. Each person takes it in turn to pay for the food shopping. Enter each cost and it will track and allocate costs to each member of the group. You can also log non group expenses, so they are tracked too.

To be honest no matter what you agree, it will require you to be strong and assertive.

It does sound more like an extended ordeal than a holiday and I'm surprised you're going in for mark 2 after your first attempt.

I would say rather than money in a kitty either splitwise or buy things and then agree how to split it, but let them know that souvenirs and personal items are off limits.

Personally I'd just use the kitty for shopping, so agree an amount each for a big supermarket shop and then top ups of milk, bread etc.

For meals out either split the bill accordingly, or just take turns to pay. That's what we normally do on family holidays as we like to have at least one meal out by ourselves as well.

Agree with previous posters that she may have felt entitled to that £100 if the kitty was being spent on alcohol for you and she doesn't drink.