When people say they’re going to ‘try’ for a girl/boy

[rainbowmaverick]

This really really gets to me. I find it quite shocking and irritating. I mean, firstly, you can’t. You don’t get to choose the gender. So why do people say it? If it’s the parent saying it, then how awful for the poor child to be, knowing that they weren’t what they were ‘trying for.’ If it’s someone saying it to the parents, this is equally abhorrent, I mean, how would you answer something like this? I have 2 girls and have been asked a few times if I’m going to ‘try’ for a boy. Well no, I mean, it’s not like you get a practice run and then go whoops no not what I ‘tried for’ let’s start again. I just find it a really shocking expression. Is this common in other cultures? AIBU for having this opinion?

Yeah being ‘shocked’ by something like this is a bit unreasonable. Fleetingly mirthful/exasperated perhaps.

I have 3 boys when I was pregnant with my youngest everyone assumed I was hoping for a girl day. We found out he was a boy at the scan and someone actually said “never mind you can always try again”. 😮

i actually didn’t want a girl! We already had a house full of garages and fire stations, there was no room for bloody dolls houses 🤣. I can’t imagine a girl fitting into the family dynamic in the way that he has (he’s now 16).

You"re over thinking it.

I find the whole concept of anyone saying they’re trying for a baby full stop is a bit unnecessary- what you’re basically telling me is you’re having lots of sex, I don’t need to know that thanks.

Meh, I don't see anything wrong with this at all really. I made it fairly obvious I was trying for a girl after two amazing boys, but luckily I got one! It's perfectly normal to have a preference. It pretty much all fades out when you have a lovely baby of either sex.

We all know it's not possible but there's no harm in voicing it

But they are ‘trying’! If you’ve got two girls and you ‘try’ again for a boy it’s at least acknowledging that you may not get a boy, but you’re going to give it ‘a try’. I think it’s fine.

I've never heard anyone say they were going to 'try' for a particular sex.

If I did, I'd just ignore them because I'd assume they were as thick as mince.

You are being OTT.

I used to know a couple who had/have four, really lovely - as in personality -healthy girls. They're now grown women.

After the first two were born the couple made it clear to everyone that they would be 'trying for a boy' next time and that if they had another girl they would be very disappointed.

Well, of course, the third one was another girl and when the father popped round to tell us the baby had arrived, he made no secret of his disappointment.

They made one more attempt to have a boy and then gave up on their quest as it was clear they could have gone on having more and more girls, which they didn't want.

I agree OP, it's very sad to think that such people seem to have an idealised notion of what a child of a particular sex is going to bring to their lives rather than valuing any child for itself.

I haven't seen these people with their four daughters for about 30 years but I do hope they never let their children know that they were always somehow second best and would have been better if they had been boys.

I thought if one wore a top hat it increases the likely of a male heir and, conversly, if one wore a large bonnet with a pheasant's (I think) feather it would be a young lady.

However Debrett's fails to state who should be wear which headpiece, or at what time during the proceedings it should be worn or may be removed.

It would be a dammed nuisance if it flew off at the same time as one socks at the crucial moment.

Never heard anyone say this

I agree it's weird. I've been asked if I'm going to try for a girl, I say no thanks my son is literally perfect 🤣

What makes me a bit suspect is when people have an unusual number of children where the last one just happens to be a different sex from all the others ‘but we definitely weren’t trying for a boy; we just wanted exactly 9 children’. Pull the other one!

I know somebody who has just had boy number 3 and has posted very defensively to well meaning comments on the birth photo. Comments such as ‘a whole football team, congrats!’ have been met with ‘I’m not at all disappointed if that’s what you’re getting at’. Awks

This!

I always hated it when people asked me if my babies were planned too. They were but it’s still an awkward question.

I do agree - but the defensiveness is probably because of other people’s comments. My PIL were vocal that it would be lovely to have a girl and they meant no harm but it did make me feel that a boy and a fourth grandson would be a disappointment and I felt protective over him! (He turned out to be a girl anyway!)

I’m pregnant with my 4th and the number of people who asked if the baby was planned has been flabbergasting. It’s so fucking rude “is your baby and accident?”

no, arsehole, it is not.

i think its fine to have a preference, if you would also be delighted with the other sex! What’s not fine is to have a baby knowing you’d be disappointed if you had boy/girl. That’s shitty.

in general though people do just use “trying for boy/girl” and other odd little things to make pregnancy small talk - you’re overthinking it

You can try for a certain sex. There's some science about whether male or female sperm hang around longest.

if people want to try, let them

I think you're more likely to get a boy during ovulation.

If you really want a girl I think it's 24 hours before ovulation.

One of my old colleagues said trying for a girl
6 boys she had then number 7 was a girl!

This happened for us, coincidentally 🤣

Is your colleague Mrs Weasley?

YABU - it’s not shocking, you are over thinking it. It’s a common expression that is age old and as many posters said, not to be taken too seriously. Sounds like you’re looking for things to be offended by.

@Isitisit I don't think so but who knows if she's pretending to be a muggle!