When people say they’re going to ‘try’ for a girl/boy

[rainbowmaverick]

This really really gets to me. I find it quite shocking and irritating. I mean, firstly, you can’t. You don’t get to choose the gender. So why do people say it? If it’s the parent saying it, then how awful for the poor child to be, knowing that they weren’t what they were ‘trying for.’ If it’s someone saying it to the parents, this is equally abhorrent, I mean, how would you answer something like this? I have 2 girls and have been asked a few times if I’m going to ‘try’ for a boy. Well no, I mean, it’s not like you get a practice run and then go whoops no not what I ‘tried for’ let’s start again. I just find it a really shocking expression. Is this common in other cultures? AIBU for having this opinion?

I would just say 'no, because that's not how it works'. To be honest I find the whole wanting a certain gender a bit 'ick'. Because for me, you could only feel that way if you have a lot of preconceptions of what that child will be like or the things they are into. Ie women wanting a girl they can dress in pretty things and go shopping with. Or men who want a boy who they can take to the football. Seems like a lot of expectation on a person who doesn't exist yet! Let them be the person they want to be and enjoy watching them along the way.

Exactly this. It’s embarrassing to be honest.

This completely

I once had a friend tell me they were trying for a baby and I absent mindedly said out loud what I was thinking 'I always wonder what people mean when they say that'. Boy did I regret it! As she then proceeded to tell me that what she meant was that he always used to pull out but now he doesn't 😱. I was horrified on two fronts:
Why have you told me that?!
How the hell are two educated adults thinking that was an acceptable method of contraception in the first place?!

My cousin had 5 boys and with each one (after the first) said they'd love a girl. They did have a girl (no6) then decided to have another in the hope they could give the girl a sister. No7 was a girl. Madness.

I’ve just googled the shettles method. Hilariously it worked absolutely the other way around for us. 3 x we had sex well before ovulation and had boys. Once we made an impromptu decision to try and just caught ovulation that day - girl. 🤣🤣🤣 maybe DH sperm is confused

Same as when people go gambling with the aim of trying to win the jackpot. It's just a phrase and a bit silly to get so annoyed by it.

“Abhorrent”. Really???

Honestly, it's not something I could get worked up over.

I've been asked while pregnant with DS2 if we'll try for a third so we can have a girl my lovely boy isn't even here yet but apparently some people think he's not good enough...

I think it's all lighthearted tbh.

I had 2 boys when I was pregnant with baby 3.

I did "try for a girl" in very silly ways.... I used to focus on seeing 3 magpies 😂

That said, it worked!

Actually there are ways of having one particular gender and there is a science behind it

To be honest I find the whole wanting a certain gender a bit 'ick'. Because for me, you could only feel that way if you have a lot of preconceptions of what that child will be like or the things they are into

Yep me too.

I hate gender reveal videos when they already have some dc and there's a big deal about wanting a particular sex. An acquaintance on FB has just had a receal with twins and they already have a toddler boy. First cannon blue, mum and dad smile and hug sedately. Second cannon pink and mum is screaming and jumping and then joined by her sister doing the same. It's awful, cringy and sad for the two boys who'll probably watch that someday and get to see exactly how much they weren't wanted compared to their sister.