When people say they’re going to ‘try’ for a girl/boy

[rainbowmaverick]

This really really gets to me. I find it quite shocking and irritating. I mean, firstly, you can’t. You don’t get to choose the gender. So why do people say it? If it’s the parent saying it, then how awful for the poor child to be, knowing that they weren’t what they were ‘trying for.’ If it’s someone saying it to the parents, this is equally abhorrent, I mean, how would you answer something like this? I have 2 girls and have been asked a few times if I’m going to ‘try’ for a boy. Well no, I mean, it’s not like you get a practice run and then go whoops no not what I ‘tried for’ let’s start again. I just find it a really shocking expression. Is this common in other cultures? AIBU for having this opinion?

Wrong thread sorry!

Sorry I’m sure I will get deleted but people who say this and actually mean it (as opposed to voicing a desire for x sex) are morons.

Yes me too - So bloody nosey!

why? Can you try to articulate why you find it moronic @Thepeopleversuswork it seems so harmless to me.

Doesn’t really bother me. No one says it in the belief that they can influence the sex of their child; they’re just expressing a wish for the sex of the next one.

What is far weirder is someone telling you at all - given that trying involves them having either loads of sex or very precisely timed sex.

How about: a) it suggests no grasp of biology or statistics, b) people who have a preference for one sex over another are selfish and lacking imagination. And most of all c) these are the sorts of people who convey disappointment on a child because it isn’t the sex they wanted so shouldn’t be having kids at all. Imagine growing up with a parent who is disappointed that you were the wrong sex. It’s a recipe for low self esteem in a child.

When you hear people saying their husband wants to “try for a football team” it makes me cringe on their behalf. (It’s always the husband). Urgh.

It just means they're going to have another baby in the hopes it's the opposite sex to the children they have is all. Hoping for one sex or the other isn't unusual and as long as it doesn't progress to serious disappointment there's no harm done. I know loads of adults who's parents hoped they were the other sex and joke about it. Its fairly common and doesn't scar for life provided the parents get over it, as nearly all do.

Meh. Doesn’t bother me

I actually find the science behind it to be really interesting, whether accurate or not, and it “worked” several times for me. Could’ve just been luck, and I wouldn’t have done it if I really cared or would have felt disappointed, nor did I announce we were trying for one or the other, but for the sake of even numbers I’m happy with how it all shook out. 😅

What did you do and what was the result?

Well, It's the male sperm that decicides what sex the embryo will be. Since the female is XX, each of her eggs has a single X chromosome. The male, being XY, can generate two types of sperm: half bear the X chromosome, half the Y.
All up to his swimmers

When I hear that I just despair at the appalling level of basic human biology being taught in our schools. How on earth is it even possible for anyone to be that ignorant & scientifically illiterate?

I have never heard anyone say this. I have only heard other people asking couples with 2 boys 'are you gonna try for a girl next?' Like it's as easy as ordering one off ASOS. Or asking someone with just girls if they're gonna 'try for a boy!'

Never heard anyone saying they are trying for a girl though (or boy.)

I knew someone who had 11 girls - 12 was a boy. He said he would have gone on if it had been another girl 😫🤣. My own husband is one of 4 boys - they wanted a girl too but alas.

FIL was the third child. His DM was determined that he was going to be a girl and had picked his name (think Joan Mary) when he was born he became "John Mark". After another 2 boys, his DP gave up and then had a surprise baby - another boy. FIL's mental health always suffered because he felt that he had failed his DM by being a boy rather than a girl.

In the olden days they thought that one testicle made girls and the other testicle made boys. I forget which.

So they’d chop of the girls bollock.

Maybe by ‘trying’ they mean they’re getting crafty with the bacon scissors? Or maybe just strangling it with a hair elastic?

You should ask.

I've got 5 boys so been asked plenty of times if I was trying for a girl, and when they were younger asked if I'd try again to get a girl. I was never desperate to have a girl. I know some people won't believe me, but oh well. Other people (family and complete strangers!) expressed disappointment at boys 3,4 & 5. I just thought they can fuck off. Especially the stranger who told me I must so disappointed in my perfect newborn 5th baby. Imagine saying that!

My ILs were particularly vocal about me not having a girl, despite them already having 4 granddaughters/nieces. (Should have told them blame the sperm of their son/brother😂) Whereas my mum never showed any displeasure about her only grandchildren being boys at all.

I don't know why people even mention ttc, in the olden days people had sex and had babies, or not

Why the need to compicate it and what do they excpet people to say, "hope he gets a winner"?

Yup, I have 3 DDS and as well as the obvious just glad they're healthy etc, I actually wouldn't have it any other way, I just know how to parent girls , if number three had been a boy I would have been a bit out of my comfort zone 🤣

You kind of can "try" for a boy or girl.

It's not exact but:
Boy sperm (Y chromosome) swim faster but die quicker. So if you have sex around the time of ovulation there's is a higher percentage chance of a boy.
Girl sperm (X chromosome) swim slower but live longer so if you have sex a couple of days before ovulation there is a higher percentage chance of a girl.

You can chose the gender. It’s the sex you can’t choose

The Shettles method does seem to make sense tbh. I think if you want another baby then trying to sway it is fine. If you ONLY want one sex then that’s a problem.

I had 2 boys and then a girl and I wanted a third boy mainly because my mum was hoping for a girl and it pissed me off. What’s so wrong about my boys?? I’d have happily taken a third one. Plus everyone else thinking we were only having a third so we could have a girl. So bloody irksome.

Equally I know a few people who did the Shettles method and it worked (obviously could just be chance). Fair enough if they wanted another kid. It’s a problem when you see families who keep going and have like 7 boys and then stop when number 8 is a girl.

Shettles. Three boys, three girls. Like I said I wouldn’t stake anything important on it being a foolproof method or anything but I got the sibling set I wanted whether by chance or design. I track my ovulation anyways due to PCOS so I’m very familiar with my cycle and it wasn’t stressful.

I one of 4 - 3 girls and a boy.

My youngest sister always jokes she was only wanted because they wanted a boy. And when my brother was born people congratulated my Dad. Thankfully he never agrees he genuinely couldn’t care less what he had and doesn’t treat my brother like some prince.

I’ve had 2 girls, and had comments like being one of three girls not tried for a 3rd as it would probably be a girl. No having children is expensive and I couldn’t afford a 3rd, even though I would have liked too. My husband was asked recently didn’t he want one more to get a boy ….his comments was why? (I’m the one that watches sports and plays while he loves a bit of theatre!)

The Molly Weasley effect.