To think it’s not us being too overprotective as parents

[Peakyshelby]

long time lurker but my first post

Just let my son start walking home from primary school. He is in year six and there is a group of them that walk home the same way. About 20 minutes. He is allowed to stop at the park for half an hour that is on the way home. After speaking to the other parents that is what they let there kids do as well. Except a couple that can basically stay at the park until six. For us that is far too long and we want him home by half four.

Tonight my son rings me and tells me on that all the others have decided to walk to a different park that is 45 minutes away. I tell him and to walk home as usual and I will come and meet him halfway.

we get home and I have a chat with DS telling him it’s for his safety and he understands. So we leave it that in future if the others go to the other park they he is to ring me and I will start walking to meet him.

about an hour ago on the parents WhatsApp there is a message from one of the parents asking why I did not let DS go to the other park. I explain that I am not happy with him walking to a part 45 minute away in a place where he is not familiar. To cut a long story short it turns out none of the other parents even the ones who told me that they want their kids home after half an hour at the park on the way home basically care where their kids go after school as long as they are home at about 6ish. I was made to feel that I am an overprotective parent and sometimes they go to this other park, sometimes they go to down the woods nearby and hang out there and sometimes go to near the park On the way home.

Basically am I being overprotective. At this age I want to know where my son is and know when he will be home

Also my son has started to get some texts from his mates giving him some stick and calling him baby. I have taken the phone for now

Jesus those parents sound awful. I’m in the camp that I think a ten year old is to young to be out playing by themselves ( I’m 34- and did it all the time in a very rural village, where the church yard was our park!) however with all the horror stories you hear and knowing the stupid things I got up to a ten years old I don’t think I could, all I can think of at that age is the Soham murders. I think I’d have to compromise maybe and sit in the park and let them play while I watch from afar

I agree 45 minutes away is too far away, but a Y6 being out until 6pm is fairly normal, can there be a compromise? Although if these kids and parents are happy to call you out and make fun of your son then I’d be happier making him avoid them anyway.

I'd have said no to dd12, Yr 7, goes on a bus to school daily.

Too far, unknown area, all kids. Nope.

I think maybe meet in the middle..further park but 5.30.home in summer.
He's going to seniors soon and no doubt want to be busing into the city etx

You are not unreasonable. And I would not allow my year 6 on WhatsApp for this very reason. Mind have a basic phone for emergency use and get a more modern one when they go to secondary school.

If you're unreasonable then so am I. Unfortunately my yr6 son is SEN so can't go out unsupervised at all. However his elder brother was able to, and there were boundaries and rules in place. The other parents don't sound like they are parenting at all.

I AM one of those over protective mums! I don't care what other parents let the kids do, doesn't mean I have to follow suit. Safety first, you can never be too careful. I like to also know where my kid is.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable, I think there’s just two types of parents. There is a group of parents who take the stance that they did it all the time as a child (so did I) and were fine so they don’t mind their children doing the same, and there are parents who maybe didn’t do it when they were younger or they did but feel that the situation is different now and so different rules apply. Neither is inherently wrong, it’s just different views, but they are wrong to criticise your choices. I agree with another poster that maybe there could be a middle ground, so 5:30 & check in via text so you know where they are for example

Sorry it’s me that is on the what’s app. My son had had the kids texting him.

we were going to see how it goes for a week and then if all good allow him to stay an hour at the near park. Then he would be home for just after five to have tea x

I'm with you on this. It's too young to be walking 45 minutes and staying out until 6.

Sorry but why the actual f has another parent text you asking this? It’s none of their business on how you parent. Year six is 10 years old isn’t it? 45 mins walking somewhere they’ve never been and staying out till 6pm I wouldn’t like either.

The only one being unreasonable here is the weirdo parent questioning you on text.

The thing is I was the kids who was never allowed to do this kind of stuff. At the time it awful but at the same time I knew some of the stuff the others kids got up too so I kind of understood. Now I def understand. He gets a lot more freedom than I did.

I also know some of the stuff I got up to even with these rules in place.

There’s no right and wrong on who has judged their own comfort level and child’s ability/ maturity to do or not do xyz.

Another parent messaging to ask you why though is absolutely batshit!

I know I was surprised by the message as well. I have found out it turns out the place was not even a playground it was on another schools grounds. Even then the other parents don’t seem to have an issue

I won’t judge others parenting either way, but personally would not let a 10 year old walk to a park 45 mins away.

Also agree with OP, you just don’t know what they’re up too and unfortunately bad things happen

What makes you think the parents don’t care where the kids are? Have they said as much?

its normal for freedom to slowley extend (time and location) as childrens confidence grows. The more responsible a child is the more parents trust them.

Each child is individual and it’s perfectly normal for different parents to enforce different boundaries according to their children’s strengths

I wouldn’t let a responsible 10 year old be 45 mins away and out till 6pm in an area they don’t know

Doesnt matter how responsible a child is, they are still a 10 year child and who knows who’s around

Depends on the child and the area. I'd let my P7 do this. And so would most people where I live. But I'm in Scotland.

They have said sometimes they go to this park (now know it’s another schools grounds, sometimes they go to the local wooded area, sometimes to the park nearest us, sometimes they split up and go to different houses. So by that they don’t actually know where their child is

I definitely wouldn't be happy with that, walking home and half hour at the park yes but not wondering around god knows where until 6pm!
My 9yo has just started walking home alone with 2 friends, 5 minute walk- i let her to to the park around the corner too but not straight from school without checking in first.
My 13 yo I would allow to do this but not when she was year 6

If there is a local park why do they need to walk 45 minutes to a park further away. No even sensible DD I wouldn't have let do this in year 6. DS is harder to trust I did allow him home late but only to the shops and park on the way home.

I suppose it’s more the Aibu to now get grief about this from other parents and my son from the other kids. If they want to let there kids stay out then fine but let me do what I see fit with mine

You are not being unreasonable OP.Go with your gut feeling. Those that are pushing the boundaries now, whether children and/or their parents will be the ones with issues later.

What next after the park I wonder....it might not end well for them. Only a few weeks until the end of term OP 🙏