To think it’s not us being too overprotective as parents

[Peakyshelby]

long time lurker but my first post

Just let my son start walking home from primary school. He is in year six and there is a group of them that walk home the same way. About 20 minutes. He is allowed to stop at the park for half an hour that is on the way home. After speaking to the other parents that is what they let there kids do as well. Except a couple that can basically stay at the park until six. For us that is far too long and we want him home by half four.

Tonight my son rings me and tells me on that all the others have decided to walk to a different park that is 45 minutes away. I tell him and to walk home as usual and I will come and meet him halfway.

we get home and I have a chat with DS telling him it’s for his safety and he understands. So we leave it that in future if the others go to the other park they he is to ring me and I will start walking to meet him.

about an hour ago on the parents WhatsApp there is a message from one of the parents asking why I did not let DS go to the other park. I explain that I am not happy with him walking to a part 45 minute away in a place where he is not familiar. To cut a long story short it turns out none of the other parents even the ones who told me that they want their kids home after half an hour at the park on the way home basically care where their kids go after school as long as they are home at about 6ish. I was made to feel that I am an overprotective parent and sometimes they go to this other park, sometimes they go to down the woods nearby and hang out there and sometimes go to near the park On the way home.

Basically am I being overprotective. At this age I want to know where my son is and know when he will be home

Exactly this. Those poor girls were only ten and in a familiar place, it still sends a chill down my spine 20 years on. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your son though OP.

Wow and he’s only 10?! My sister doesn’t let my nephew who is 10 go anywhere alone yet! He’s sensible but it still seems quite young!
Sounds like what you allow is just fine. I am sure it will be hard for your son if he friends are all doing the same and he isn’t allowed but don’t be pressured into something you’re not happy about. Letting him walk home and go to the park sounds perfect, as he’s got a phone I’d also want the find me thing on so I could check where he was if late etc. I’d say in the parents WhatsApp group that you can parent how you see fit and would prefer to know where your son is.

The distance etc is not the issue

You had clear boundaries for your son.
He understood those boundaries

Other parents make decisions for their kids - and do not have jurisdiction over you.
Perhaps some of the kids said something eg Jimmy didn’t come his mum said no
You may have some parents who actually feel guilty/ sanctimonious so contacted you.
But at the end of the day - this is how your family works

It may give you a good way to discuss with your son your thoughts / decisions etc and that other families think differently but that’s not better or worse. It can help in the face of the attitude of the other kids

I had something like this with my son - and years later he thanked me for the way he was brought up
Parenting is a long game

none of the other parents ……. care where their kids go after school

That’s unfair. They’ve made a different decision to you about park 2. Saying they don’t care is really quite unpleasant.

No wouldn't b happy with this.

You're not being over protective, you're being sensible OP. Stand fast and hold your ground.

I have a really good relationship with him. He came to me tonight and said can I be mad at you for not letting me go but understand why. Then we had a hug. Which I think is really mature for his age.

You know your son and what he is mature enough to do. Other parents are projecting, I'd have had to sit on my hands! Bloody cheeky.
Unfortunately, kids do not have the freedom of the previous generations, and the mental health problems in kids now is a testament to this. Kids have it weirdly difficult now...kept much younger and immature, but conversely exposed to far more adult issues as well that their immaturity doesn't give them the tools to deal with.

I was 10 in 1976, I roamed, biked, built dens and I was a very sheltered child compared to some! I was very aware of certain dangers and could assess risk and kept myself safe. Even though I was very socially awkward, I was able to develop my social skills. I also ran off all my energy

God, no way! The other parents obviously don't give a shit, but I'm with you 100%, it's too far and too long for an 11 year old

Yeah good point! Maybe OP should text them asking why they don't give a shit about their own kids?

I think the parent saying that was entirely out of order and I’d be a bit pissed off about it.

I would feel the same as you OP.

Ynbu. Mine were often out until 6pm at that age but in the very local park (3 mins away) they didn't have phones until secondary school so would have to pop home and ask if they wanted to go elsewhere. I wouldn't be happy with them walking somewhere 45 mins away!

No way. I have a year 6 and they've only just started walking 15 minutes on their own to a friend's house before heading off to school together. They have to text me when they arrive at their friends. They are very sensible but I still worry.

My year 8 does similar occasionally at the weekends to what you describe - go between shops, park, football field etc. All about 45-55 minute walk away from home. They are maybe out between 12 and 4/5. I don't think I'd want them out until 6 and that's at the weekend, not a school night. I'm not concerned about my child or their friends as they are lovely, sensible kids. I'm worried about other people and them getting into trouble that way. If they want to see their friends in the evening or for extended periods of time I'd much rather they did it at our house where I know they are safe .

Maybe I'm overprotective but at least they are safe.

I should have also said the other parent is completely out of order!

YANBU and this is why I loathe social media & fucking phones.

I'm in south London so we're possibly a bit overly conscious of dangers of our boys at that age. DSs class WhatsApp group is very respectful, I can't imagine anyone lasting long if they started criticising other parents.

I have such mixed feelings. Our parents didn't even know where we were and mobile phones didn't exist. Everyone seems so gripped with fear these days and terrified of the world. Freedom enriched our lives.

The other parents obviously don't give a shit

Again, what an unpleasant remark. Of course the parents “give a shit” about their children.

I think you're fine. I also think the other parents are fine.

Just respond that you'd just rather he came home at the time you mentioned and leave it at that. Don't be drawn into or peer pressured into changing your mind.

And if the other kids are being mean to your son, tell him to tell them that his mum makes the rules and if he gets in trouble he'll lose privileges.

I have a child the same age as yours and I wouldnt let her walk 45 minutes to a park and back! 6pm would be too late when I haven't seen her all day! You are very sensible and care about your child's welfare. My brother was one of those lax parents. His kids played out until dark every day, and got into some bad situations. He didn't care and enjoyed the peace and quiet. His kids failed their gcses because they were never encouraged to revise, just kicked out to play until dark. You're doing the right thing to give boundaries, he is still quite young.

I wouldn't worry about what other parents think. Your child, your rules. I don't think it's unreasonable to not want him going somewhere 45 minutes away after school. I let mine play in the local park til 5/5.30ish but that's 10 minutes away if that. It's a shame that your son is getting teased by the other kids but if he shrugs it off and shows them he's not upset by them, they'll probably stop once they don't get a reaction!

This with bells on.

I mean, personally, I think you are absolutely right with your boundaries BUT, even if I didn't agree with you, it would absolutely be none of my business.

You should be incredibly proud of your ds though - what a mature young man he is.

I don’t get this attitude. You absolutely can be too careful and it’s doesn’t help your children in the long term.

Mines 11 and year 6, I wouldn't let him go 45 mins away . Luckily we have 3 big parks within 10 mins wal from the house. Mine usually comes home to dump his bag as school is a few streets away then goes off out until about 6.30 . I have life 360 on his phone so can check where he is if I feel the need

Yanbu to think the other parent should keep their opinion to themselves though, ds11 is my 4th ds, there have been many occasions over the years that I've told one or the other of them that I don't care what other children are allowed to do, it doesn't mean they can

Kids that age being allowed to wander seems a bit strange to me, they’re too immature to deal with so many situations (older kids bullying, dogs bothering them, even crossing the road really when you think of it!) As someone said above, nearly the holidays so you can get a break from those parents!