To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

Even though its been pointed in multiple posts above, the OP is actually on more money NET per month that her exDP (after CMS is paid)??

That sounds like loads to be fair. Are you planning on getting him to take some responsibility such as 50/50? If so then his childcare costs will be his on his own days. That's the only way to get a 'fairer' split

I’m sorry you’ve been left in this situation. Have you applied for child benefit? You should be able to get this now

And from that she has to pay £1,700 nursery fees, leaving her far worse off than the dad, as has been pointed out multiple times.

I agree. But people are under some illusion he's on way more money and people can't grasp the concept of tax and NI.

This, I earn slightly more than OP and am certainly not ‘mega loaded’ even with DH’s income which is the same as mine.

People on this site have their heads up their arses.

So interesting about the Swiss system @PumpkinsAndCoconuts. Thank you. There are better, much fairer ways which could be implemented here if there was any political will.

@Againlosinghope

50 percent of childcare and CMS on top. Job done.

@Looneytune253 he doesn’t want 50/50. I suggested that. He’s since not seen ds at all.

The childcare costs fall to both the parents. Why just the OP? because she is a woman?
The op is not making a lifestyle choice to work full time, she needs to. She needs to keep hold of her career and pension as a single mother in the long term and that is very important. Do you also berate the man for his lifestyle choice to work full time and walk away from his responsibilities. In what universe in the UK are half the running costs of a household £730 per month.

What you are basically saying is. Sorry love its all done to you, you chose to have a child, live in poverty and be grateful, byeee.

This is one of the most sexist posts i have seen on mn.

@EnglishBluebell whereabouts are you that full time nursery is £700 a month for full time five days a week? I’m in the south east and it’s £2,000.

The OP's ex shouldn't be expected to support OP, but should be expected to support his child.

OP has full custody and needs to provide a home with enough bedrooms for the child. If it is a two bedroom property, then OP's ex should pay half the rent/mortgage interest and half the bills. He should also pay half the childcare.

If the property has more than two bedrooms, then things get a bit trickier and OP's ex should only be expected to pay rent/mortgage interest that is proportional to the child's bedroom (e.g. 1/3 for a 3 bedroom house or 1/4 for a 4 bedroom house). Household bills would remain 50:50.

I guess that childcare is potentially tricky. If a parent that doesn't work decided to put a child into childcare, should the other parent be obligated to pay for that? It doesn't apply to OP, but it could be abused.

@ThisOldThang I really don't think the OP's ex should be paying towards the OP's housing costs - he has his own housing costs to fund.

I don’t agree with half the mortgage, as that’s the o/p’s cost, it’s not a disposable asset.

half the interest on the mortgage would be more appropriate, as the capital remains o/p’s, will appreciate, and she will make money from the investment long term.

if renting, then it should be half the difference between a 1 bed and a two bed flat, as if o/p did not have the child she’d still need to rent for herself.

Working out half a child’s costs is almost impossible. I think here o/p needs to work out short term pain for long term gain- yes she has nursery costs now, but long term £750 a month should cover more than half of the child’s costs.

No, he should be paying towards his sons housing costs though shouldn’t he? And as he doesn’t want to see his son, his son is living 100% of the time with his mother. Therefore when he pays towards his sons housing costs, he gives money to the mother.

Or should the mother just find the sons living costs by herself?

the fathers living costs come out of what he has left. Maybe he could take in some ironing if he’s really skint.

Silly me, I didn’t realise the OP didn’t pay a penny towards her child.

Since she does, once child expenses are deducted, I’m pretty sure the OP is not on less money net each month.

Or do you think child care only counts as an expense if men are paying it? I guess women caring for their children is just so normal you don’t even see it?

@toomanytonotice I did say 'half the mortgage interest'.

It's not that simple there are NRP struggling because after paying CMS they can't afford housing and living costs.
Your situation is unique as dad isn't seeing child but in most cases where both parents are involved this isn't the same situation. A service like CMS has to create very all basis.
It is no good.a.dad paying so much CM that when the child is with them the standard of living is worse than with mum

Here are the percentages for NRPs to pay in the UK. It's not 15% for one child, as a previous poster stated.

Do you think an NRP should pay LESS than 12% of their income?

The OP's situation is sadly very far from unique regarding her ex not seeing her child at all.

But think about OP. She has to somehow magic up full nursery fees every month. He gets roughly the same money after child maintenance but is not coughing up for nursery fees out of that.

If he were to ever want to look after his child overnight the child would see that his dad has a MUCH higher standard of living, because he’s not £1,700 down every month.

Do you get it yet????

@PrincessTeaSet where on Earth is £730 half a household's running costs? I’m in a tiny (600 square foot) barely 2 bedroom terrace, and the rents here (south east but it’s where the jobs are) are now up to £2k plus a month. And there’s bills. And childcare. And food. And, y’know, children need stuff like clothes and shoes and school uniform…

It also doesn't seem fair that a NRP can pay the same for 3 children as for a much larger family.

I’ll admit I know absolutely nothing about this topic. But he earns 80k, and you earn 46k, so surely he should be paying a proportionate amount towards your child’s costs? So that should be around £1100 towards the nursery costs alone?

Sounds very unfair to me.

I totally agree with this. Lots of PP on here being absolutely derogatory with their comments. I get it that a lot of dad's don't pay anything. OP has like many other women likely worked hard to get to where she is in her career. Yes she has a good wage but that puts her out of the bracket for a lot of financial support. Trying to pay for all of your bills (out of one wage) such as rent/mortgage, utilities, food etc etc I'm sure you get the idea.....and then nursery on top of that? She on her own with a child that also has needs that have to be met.
To lots of people £730 is a great deal of money. Yes it is an amazing amount to get from a dad who is absent and absolutely OP and her child are entitled to that. Why should OP not be annoyed that the dad despite paying that amount, still is not contributing as she feels is enough? OP has to pay bills and keep her shit together mainly on her own wage and yes nursery fees are a bitch. £1700 is not extortionate......going by MN these days it seems run of the mill. To those of you saying.......he is gone so you have to change your circumstances......that shit is way easier said than done. Finance agreements, loans, mortgages among other bills all have contracts. Saying to the OP to just change her circumstances there, because you don't like that she earns 44k (hardly millions is it?) and she has the audacity to voice her frustration about her circumstances that are individual to her? That's not on. Not one of us knows what the other person has going on behind closed doors. Be nice to wish someone all the best for a change and hope they manage to get their situation sorted instead of racing to put in a comment that's downright nasty. Not OK.

CMS is very black and white on these things, it's their percentages and nothing else that count. My brother was in dire straights because his ex walked out and took the children, left him to pay all their combined debts, including mortgage, plus child maintenance. That combination put him £500 a month into the red. He ended up relying on us and food banks, eventually lost his job because of the stress. Meanwhile his ex rented a house that was more expensive than the mortgage, took two holidays abroad every year. And she got 60% of the value of the family home when it sold, despite not paying a penny towards the mortgage since she walked out. So it doesn't matter what expenses either party has, it is all based on individual income and CMS percentages and the system is not fit for purpose.