To be AMAZED at this cms calculation?

[whatnowws]

Recently split from DS’s dad. He won’t communicate or see ds, so after several weeks I contacted cms. They are getting in touch with him but… the claim is for 730 a month?!? He earns almost 80k? How can this be right?

meanwhile, I’m earning 46k and paying 1,700 in nursery costs and all other costs for ds?

how on earth is that supposed to be fair?! This calculation is also assuming he continues not to see ds. If he wants him a night or more then costs reduce further… basically he can do what he wants and I’m expected to pick up the financial pieces no matter what.

So she should give up work and what? Live off the state? Because a relationship ended?

How about while she works he looks after his child?

I knew you'd get a pile-on but you're right, it is totally unfair, and this is how the patriarchy works - making resources scarce so women tear other women down. "I get a quid a month so she's just super lucky she gets more and she's a dick for complaining." No. It's a shitty system. Shits on some more than others but that doesn't make it right.

Sorry OP.

Why thankfully? Why shouldn't all factors be considered?

It's going to be the child who suffers in all of this. Because his father decided to walk away from him, and his mother can't go to work without childcare.

It is entirely reasonable to expect to pay half the child’s costs each. The suggestion of some PPs that nursery is your choice and therefore you pay for it stinks! Nursery is necessary so that you can work and provide for your child rather than relying on the state. Quite why people are keen to argue in support of the current system is beyond me. I think you are being given a hard time when sympathy and support would be much more appropriate.

PrincessTeaSet · Today 13:47
The childcare isn't your child's cost. It's your cost because you want to work full time. 730 a month would be half the running costs of a household so it's not bad really. You could cut your hours and reduce nursery hours.

This.

Some of these replies are bonkers. Why should she be grateful. I got minimal amounts from my ex, he also barely saw his kids. But I don't think that other women she put up and shut up because of my circumstances.
Childcare is a parental responsibility not just a mothers responsibility.

Who’d be in charge of making the decisions you mention? What happens when each parent says the other was the one causing the issues?

It's very unfair and 46k really isn't a lot to bring up a child on.

I would double check the universal credit as i got tax credits (before universal credit came in) when i earned a bit less than that and my childcare was a lot lower.

I'm sorry, @whatnowws he sounds like an arse and CMS is an insult. The calculation you've had is, on paper, a fairly high CMS calculation, but it doesn't feel fair. The system strikes me as inherently sexist. Why should a man get away with just a small percentage of their income and no other responsibility, when a woman needs to sacrifice career opportunities and financial security or pay huge sums on nursery fees, on top of having all the other responsibilities of parenting with no back-up?

Can you imagine the actual chaos of a judge having to work out exactly who is more at fault than the other between every ex couple slinging mud at the other and making accusations about whose fault the breakdown was and whether he doesn't see the child because she won't let him or whether actually he was unreliable so she stopped contact, and then boiling that down into a monetary calculation based on who is considered the most feckless parent? 😂

I agree OP it’s shocking.

That's what mediation is for. Its already a process that exists. And while it may not be perfect, it would be a lot fairer than a percentage of declared earnings.

That doesn’t take into account nursery costs, no idea why the resident parent is expected to pay that

YANBU. It's a joke.

The nuclear option would be to drop your DC off with him and not pick them up. There's nothing legally stopping this. It's essentially what he's done in reverse. I know you wouldn't ever do this (and no caring RP would), but I'm sure it would give you great satisfaction to tell him you're not paying for childcare for him because he is "choosing" to work rather than care for your DC (but you'll give him the derisory CM day-rate instead). Unfortunately, that satisfaction is denied you so there's nothing much you can do. It doesn't help, but I hope you win big on the lottery and he has a mystery illness which means he can't work for a while and has to live on a limited budget and see how he likes it.

Sorry not rtfs but Ffs this is such a dick comment, would you prefer OP not work? How would that benefit anyone, away and crawl back under your rock.

I have to foot childcare costs (for school holidays), clothing, rent, bills, car, petrol any after school clubs etc and he pays 300 per month which covers some of their food. Plus, he gets to continue to further his career whilst I'm stuck doing everything for the children in a rubbish job, working part time as I have to do all the school runs. YANBU it is completely unfair.

Is it not the same as working out custody agreements when the two parties disagree though?

I'd imagine the idea of the process they'd have to go through might stop some people completely walking away though.

What's your solution? Beat down every single mother into not working because nursery fees are extortionate and fathers can just walk away and pay barely anything or take any other responsibility?

What on earth are you both on about? It’s THEIR son. So it shouldn’t be HER cost. It should be THEIR cost because both get to work off the back of childcare being provided. Honestly no wonder people say it’s a man’s world. Shame you don’t think the man should cut his hours. I despair at some people on this thread.

@Arewealljustloosingtheplot i had far more than him but in any case we weren’t married

@TVD2103 TVD2103
Why should he pay for you to basically go to work? Because that’s what nursery costs are.

Do you honestly not realise that if the OP doesn't work, then YOU @TVD2103 will be paying for the OP & her daughter's housing & living costs via your taxes?

Do you really prefer to pay for single parents benefits via your taxes, rather than have the second parent contribute fairly to their upbringing?

What a bizarre decision if so.

Surely the two people who created the child should be responsible for the cost of raising it, rather than strangers who happen to live in the same country?

Because a lot of posts on MN are clearly men’s rights activists posing as women, threads like these bring them out in droves.

Mediation is something paid for by the parents so all that would happen in this situation is the parent that runs out of money would have to pay more money/ receive less money because they can't afford any more mediation to argue their point!

But he gets to work? Why is the default that the woman should stay at home and mind child? If he wants to take his son half the week and work part time that’s fine, and then OP could pay nursery for her days.

It probably would though as if OP cuts her hours she will be entitled to childcare help

you saying that one parent taking the child away from the other parent to be ‘vindictive’. How could that be proven though? My ex was abusive and threatened to set me on fire when I was pregnant, among with telling me I was never going to see my child again. As a result I kept my baby away from him. Yet he told everyone I kept our child away from him ‘for no reason’ and I was bitter and vindictive. Yet it couldn’t have been further from the truth. If situations like this were taken into account, it’s very easy to get wrong and victims would end up getting punished further.