To jack in my ‘good graduate job’ and change direction at 24?

[BitterAndJaded]

I was extremely fortunate to fall into ‘a good graduate job’ straight after a Masters at the age of 22. I’d done some work experience there and was offered the position without having to apply or even look at anything else. Totally unlike everyone else I know who went to masses of assessment centre days and interviews only to receive multiple rejections, meanwhile having to do low level work in bars and call centres to support themselves.

Honestly though, two years in I’m hating it. The work involves doing research for the public sector and it simply isn’t anything I have any interest in at all. I spend whole days in a room on my own crunching statistics and it is mind-numbing. I truly feel like I am starting to become depressed as I am losing the motivation even to get out of bed in the morning. I doubt I am ever going to be able to get significant promotion here as I just can’t seem to get engaged with it at all (not that there’s potential to ever make big money anyway).

Admittedly I took the job partly because it meant being able to stay on in the small town where I’d studied. At the time this seemed very attractive as I felt settled here and was slightly in love with it. However all my friends have now moved on for jobs elsewhere (mostly London which I confess I find daunting), my student boyfriend and I are ancient history, I’m no longer part of the university scene and there’s not really a lot else. Dating prospects are frankly crap as it’s so small and the demographic is just all wrong (mostly older people who are already settled basically, other than a handful of PhD students).

My parents have been devastated though when I’ve talked about wanting to move on. They think of me as nicely settled here and onto something good. When I tell them how incredibly dull I find the work they say I am expecting too much. My generation’s expectation that jobs should ‘feed our souls’ is unrealistic. My father stayed in a job for over 25 years which he never much liked so that he could support us all, yet he didn’t complain. It would be realistic to think I could manage to buy a flat here in a few more years which would not be the case in London or many other places. Isn’t it worth hanging on for that?

Yet there are moments where I wonder whether I can keep going even one more day here. AIBU?

Could you train to become a therapist? Everyone I speak to (and almost everyone on Mumsnet!) seems to have seen or be seeing a therapist so there's obviously a big demand. You could go self employed or, presumably, there are positions within the NHS and other large organisations.

You're in the wrong job and that can be soul destroying, as you're finding. Start a systematic job hunt, looking at all the options, but don't leave until you've found something else and have the new job all lined up.
Your parents are being ridiculous, and unfair. Few people have their forever career at 24. All jobs have their boring bits but if the entire job bores you, you need to change something. Don't settle for second best.

You are sooo young. Don’t look back in ten years and think why didn’t I move then.

I live in London but there are many other great cities with decent job prospects and a thriving social scene. It’s not London or nothing.

As long as you can fund yourself, do some travelling if you want. Could you do a TEFL course and spend some time teaching English abroad?

Do not accept this is your life. Twenties are for finding yourself, growing and meeting people. Don’t settle for this claustrophobic existence so young.

Life is short. You are young, start looking at what else is out there. You can't live your life to please your parents!

Is it the nature of the work itself or the work environment that’s an issue? Could you see yourself doing a similar role in a city, perhaps based at a university with hundreds of new graduates and post docs around, or in the charity / private sector?

Have a think about whether it would make you happier to live in a new area where it’s easier to meet people your own age, and perhaps commute back to your job until you’ve transitioned to one that suits you better.

You shouldn't be terrified at 'starting over' at 24. This is the perfect time. You have no dependents or real ties and some proper work experience under your belt which puts you ahead of other graduates even if you're applying for roles outside your current industry. Also think you shouldn't be scared to consider London. It might seem daunting but really it's just a 'collection of villages' (ok, quite noisy ones) and with some research you could fine a neighbourhood that suits you.
And I agree with others that you're heeding your parents' concerns too greatly. Don't do this and become depressed, bitter and resentful. You've already realised you want something different from life. Treat this as an exciting crossroads.

As others have said don't just resign but definitely look for another opportunities, you're young enough to change direction even do some kind of training course if you need to to get you into something you'll enjoy! Do it now while you have less responsibilities.
My DH kind of fell into his career after uni getting a first job then other jobs progressing on from that then about 6 years ago realised he was really unhappy and in the wrong career from him, he ended up switching career paths which meant a pay cut initially, it has paid off now and he's much happier but it was really hard to struggle with less money for those couple of years when we had 2 kids and a mortgage- would have been much better if he'd done it at 24!!!

The OP isn't terrified in the conventional sense, eg being chase through the forest by a stranger. 'Terrified' appears to be a synonym for 'mildly worried' for the young.

You can start in the civil service without going on the TV graduate scheme it just means starting lower down,their Change Management team might be something that interests you.

Wherever you end up you also need to get out and about alone so you don't watch life pass you buy, volunteer at nature reserve or the local theatre as an usher whatever interests you to stop new roots and get a more rounded life. If you don't already go to the cinema / theatre / eat out alone of you like those things. No one knows why your alone you could've on a work trip etc and means you don't miss out just because you've not got anyone to go with.

Look to see if you have a women's circle I your area, they are a social group for women and do activities either altogether or split into different age groups to help build friendships.

If you want to travel can you pair that with working and swan off somewhere for a few years working abroad. Your parents are not you, you get one life and likely only one decade where you are footloose and fancy free if you see marriage and children in your future.

Work are very good and understanding and don’t want me to leave. My line manager knows I’d like to broaden my experience by getting involved in some different types of projects, especially some qualitative rather than purely quantitative ones. However it’s a small organisation and this is all they have for someone at my level through until the end of this year at least. That may change in the future or it may not. It just depends what projects they get in.

My parents keep pointing out that staying here would be a good option to earn a reasonable (although certainly not amazing) salary without too much pressure whilst raising a family, which is my ultimate goal. There’d also be scope to go part-time. I feel like they’re missing my point though that I’m not getting anywhere with that goal either and am never going to have a family this rate. This just isn’t a place where lots of young single men live. It would be very different if I were already in a relationship.

Civil service doesn't mean applying for a grad scheme!
Most jobs are advertised via Civil Service jobs (website). You sound like you have a huge dose of imposter syndrome so maybe seek out the YouTube videos about applying for the Civil Service and understanding its slightly odd way of applying. Once you get one job you can apply for secondments etc and try all kinds of things.
24 is too young to settle.

I think most psychotherapy training programmes want you to be at least 30 and it’s generally a second career once you have a bit of life experience? It’s something I am open to later on.

There is clinical psychology but that’s an awfully long haul and you have to be totally dedicated to it (it takes most people at least three years of work experience to even get into a clinical doctorate). I have friends who have taken that route. I don’t know that I could really be committed enough to it. I’m quite hoping I might be in a place to start a family by 30ish.

Going travelling and/or doing a TEFL does feel like a bit of a cliche and a cop out. As does doing a PGCE which is something else I’ve considered.

You've got another 44 years to work, this is not the time to be wedded to a particular role. Said by others already but your 20s is a wonderful time of career freedom when you can easily "shop around" and try and find what you want. Staying in the same job forever isn't really a thing anymore.

Go and explore the world!

God there's some terrible advice on this thread. Stay in a job you hate at 24? Fertility "falls off a cliff" after 30? Ignore these prophets of doom, OP. Bin the job and get on a plane!

At 24, you absolutely should be pursuing something that interests you. But I agree with others - you need a plan, so that you’re moving towards something new and exciting, not just running away from a boring job.

I’d strongly advise against a PGCE. Teaching is brutal in terms of workload and stress levels and won’t improve your quality of life.

What are your hobbies and interests?
Is travel a true priority or are you looking at it as an escape/respite from a boring job? Where would you like to go?
How do you really feel about moving to London? Relocating elsewhere?

Take your parents’ opinions out of the equation for a moment. They love you, but they are also thinking in that very risk averse way that loving parents do, and ultimately it’s YOUR life to take ‘risks’ with, not theirs.

What about retraining in something like Occupational Therapy or as a Physiotherapist? So many different roles, job shortages in most places. A fairly decent salary once you have a few years experience £50K in London but more in private organisations and some potential for private practice too.

Physio teams tend to have quite a few young male workers too so there might be social/romantic opportunities. Also it's a role where you feel you are doing some good for people so can be personally fulfilling too.

It definitely sounds like the job is not for you. I read the description and I would love to be doing something like that, but you either have a passion for numbers and stats or you don't.

It sounds like it's not just the job that you're struggling with though, it's living in a small town and settling with your DPs ambitions rather than your own.

Why don't you book yourself on an Exodus type adventure holiday with other young people to somewhere far flung for a couple of weeks? It sounds like you really need to start stretching your boundaries and a holiday is a safe way to do that.

I would worry slightly with the TEFL that you're throwing away everything and it doesn't sound with the PGCE that it's something you particularly want to do.

The other thing I would say - and I am probably closer to your DPs age than yours - is that whilst it's important not to do a job you hate, there is something in the compromise of doing what you love and paying the bills. Some lucky people do what they love, the rest of us do something we're good at and don't hate. I am not saying you should stay in current job though.

I see a therapist. I’m a woman in my fifties with four degrees who has lived and worked all over the world , have a demanding career, a son and husband, a lot of complex life experiences including some traumatic ACEs. What on earth could a naive 24 year old who gives a lot of weight to her parents’ opinions bring to me as a therapist?

OP, your life currently sounds extremely depressing, and I definitely think you should change it. Stop listening to your parents — if I’d listened to mine I’d have left school at 15 and done hairdressing and believed ‘university is only for posh people ’. And while I agree with pps that you should use your current job to its utmost while planning your next step, building up a fund to carry you through etc, I think you should also think about the fact that you chose this because it was easy and avoided change, difficulty, uncertainty, effort and new experiences. You’re 24. This is the time to embrace uncertainty, newness.

(Also, I think you should think about why it wasn’t obvious to you that staying on in your student town after graduation was always going to be demoralising?)

I'd take 6 months out, do some travelling, see some of the world, meet new people. On return look for jobs in Northern cities. Or do your sums and see if you could make London work.

24 years old is way too young to be committed to a boring job and lifestyle.

What do you like doing? What are your interests and hobbies?

You are so young and have plenty of time to train for something completely different.

I am boring and have only ever worked in education, but have friends who have had such a wide variety of jobs.

Friend 1 - was arty at school, did an art course, then stage design and worked in theatre, then did office/secretarial jobs, then worked in hospitality. Ten years ago she trained to be a paramedic and she loves it, has finally found her niche.

Friend 2 - musical family, did music teaching degree but just didn't enjoy the career. Switched completely and trained as a midwife, worked in NHS for about 10 years, got married, had kids, got divorced. Aged nearly 40, trained to be a member of the clergy and is now happily the priest-in-charge of a group of country churches.

You may find yourself at 40 on a completely different path to the one you are on now. You only have one life, don't waste it in a job you hate just to please your parents. You are the perfect age to train for anything new.

Seems a lot about your parents and keeping them happy in your posts.

stop talking to them about it. You are allowed to travel and to change jobs and live in London. Don’t let their expectations stop you. Say ‘thanks but it is my life and I will handle the regrets’

at 22 your life sounds very boring! Get a plan together to re train or travel or move to London. Start today !!!! This time next year your life could be wildly different !

To me it sounds like you need new hobbies & interests outside of work

I would suggest some volunteering & joining some hobby groups where you meet new people.
This is how I have met more people.

Do you have any uni friends or old flat mates that you can go & visit ?

Secondly, this is your life, it is nothing to do with your parents.

There are many places other than London as well. You say public sector, are you properly Civil Service? Have a look on the recruitment site at what other roles there are, you will find loads not in London, there is a real push to move to other parts of the country tbh.

Don't rashly give up your job and move. But you are 24, at the very start of your working life! Travel, move towns, change jobs, you can do all these things.

Did you grow up in quite a cautious family, OP? There’s a lot of ‘it might be hard’ and ‘that awful phase’ etc. 24 is a perfect age to apply for tons of things, have lots of interviews, investigate different routes. Has it occurred to you that pulling pints or serving wine in a nice well chosen bar or gastro pub normally results in meeting a wide range of other people around the same age and stage? You don’t have to work in a massive Wetherspoons or boring old man pub. I earned a ton and learned a ton by waiting tables here, there and everywhere, with the added benefit of learning all the social skills of how to behave when I then was using high-end restaurants for work lunches etc - I always felt comfortable and at home!

This is the perfect age to start throwing things against the wall and see what sticks, and I’d agree that civil service would sound ideal for you as there are SO many potential careers within it and moving jobs and departments is often encouraged. If London is too daunting, they hire in Liverpool, Belfast, Edinburgh, Manchester, and about a million other places. It’s also a safe and secure career, which it sounds like you’ve been brought up to think is paramount.

Also, to allay your own and your parents fears, don’t think ‘oh but what if I went to Liverpool (or wherever), is that really where I want to be forever??!!’. It’s okay to take a punt, get a job, get a house share with other young professionals (who may have nice friends you might want to date) then move on in two years time. Now is the time, you have no ties. Don’t be scared of taking risks, trying new things, going new places. Break it down into chunks, do one bit at a time.

This! Now is a great time to be looking for your next job.

You don't stick on one job for your whole career these days. It's just not how it works for most people!