Would you trust someone who had previously had a restraining order?

[youngtrees]

It happened 14 years ago. Physically violent to an ex partner - no prison sentence but a restraining order placed on him.

Seems to have turned his life around .

I am not dating this person. Just curious for the responses.

Nope. I wouldn’t risk dating someone who has ever been physically violent to a partner, no matter how long ago it was.

My safety is important to me.

No.

No

No, don't risk it

No

Why risk it? Plenty of men who have never been physically violent

I wouldn't date someone knowing they had been violent to an ex partner. I don't care about second chances ....plenty of men around, no need to take the risk.

No

No

No.

No

No

I nearly had to get one with my ExH. Honestly, not worth it.

No.

A lot of personality is genetic. You can change how you behave but your underlying tendencies are what they are.

My best friend is in a new relationship with this man and she's pregnant with his child.

I was at a gathering last weekend and spoke to was speaking to someone who knows him very well and told me he had a restraining order against his ex partner when his daughter was 4. I worked it out that this would be around 14 years ago.

I decided to speak to my friend and let her know what I had been told. She already knew and brushed it off as it was nothing. This man and his ex partner get on well now their child is grown up (which I do know myself that this is true) and she seems to think it's nothing to worry about.

Trust them with what?

She will believe that she know him better and he has changed.

My ExH is now remarried and has a child.

I contemplated reaching out to her to let her know about his violence and the police record but it would have got me a world of pain and honestly I just can't face it.

Sorry cross posted.

No I wouldn't knowingly go out with someone who had a restraining order and if I unwittingly had a child with them (without knowing) I'd break it off.

it would depend on the person

Do you think he’d do it again?

Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Even though they had turned their life around I would be on egg shells.

Isn't this exactly the thing. You never think they'd do it in the first place, but I'm sure he's explained this all away very convincingly

I've got a friend who had to leave her partner because of domestic violence, this happened years before I met her but she literally had to run in the middle of the night, baby on hip.. Terrified for her life.
When her son was 16 (so around 15 years later) he got in contact. He was no longer addicted to alcohol and had seemingly turned his life around, he begged for forgiveness and wanted the chance to get to know his son. Ten years on and he does seem to be a different person, they see each other at family events and everyone's moved on from his past, personally i couldn't do it.
I've met my friends ex at bbq's ect, he seems nice enough but i can't help but think if you scratch the service there was once a monster underneath.

Everyone deserves a second chance but I would be on my guard and at the slightest suggestion of these traits showing themselves I would be off! Some learn and change, others don't. Part of me thinks if it's an inherent characteristic then better to not get involved. X

My first instinct was absolutely not but then I thought a bit more and maybe if the historical problems were related to either alcohol/substance abuse issues or a mental health issue, which they had since had professional treatment for, I would consider getting to know them very slowly but I would be very cautious and looking for any signs of issues. And certainly not having a child any time soon!
I would also want to feel they had been completely open and honest with me about it, not tried to minimise it at all and recognised how unacceptable it was.

Hell no.