Would you trust someone who had previously had a restraining order?

[youngtrees]

It happened 14 years ago. Physically violent to an ex partner - no prison sentence but a restraining order placed on him.

Seems to have turned his life around .

I am not dating this person. Just curious for the responses.

Everyone deserves a second chance but sorry, I'm not going to risk being that second chance.

I do not believe people change.

My stbxh was violent and abusive. I would never give him another chance. He will never change. He believes that his aggression is due to the "bear being poked."

I pity any woman who gets involved with him.

No

I don't know him well enough to comment. I'd like to say no. But I will say that the story I was told doesn't match up with the story that my friend believes.

I was told that he broke into the home and strangled her. She believes that he pushed her over the sofa but not with force - they were both arguing.

It was a long time ago I suppose. I just don't get a good feeling around him now.

How do you push someone over a sofa without force?

hell no...

Nope

No. That switch could flip at any time. I wouldn’t be allowing an abuser into my life.

No way. Why bring a load of potential drama in to your life.

I don't know, I thought the same. It's just what she said - even if that's true, it's still wrong. She musta said it was years ago and genuinely doesn't think anything of it. We have a good friendship and I'm sure she would confide in me if she had any concerns.

I think she's way too in love with this guy to possibly see what he could really be.

He's been married and divorced in between and has a child in this relationship too.

Absolutely would not trust this person!! There was a restraining order put in place for a reason.

My SIL got into a relationship with a convicted murderer. He'd been in prison, released on life licence. We didn't know and found out by chance. Lots of talk about how it was a mistake, he'd changed, it was a man he'd killed and he'd never hurt a woman. Lo and behold a night out ended in an alcohol fueled rage and went at her with a knife. He ended up beating her without using the weapon. Whilst horrific, it could easily have been much, much worse.

If someone has it in them to be violent, I don't believe they can ever change.

You can't make her see sense.

You can only let her know you're there when she finally realises and needs to escape. Let her know where your spare key is and that she's always welcome in the middle of the night. She'll brush it off now, but remember it later.

@LividPink hear hear.

Op, be prepared for when his mask slips. It will in time. No question.

It'll have been her fault, I expect...😧

Hang on, you said he had a restraining order AGAINST his ex?

"someone who knows him very well and told me he had a restraining order against his ex partner"

Just a typo. It's clear what I am trying to explain

No. Whatever the story no.

Highly unlikely. Exception maybe being if they were extremely young at the time- teens or uni age. I would want full transparency and for MH work to have been done in the interim years. Also for them to show good values in their work and personal life. It would also depend on what had happened (broadly a situation getting out of hand due to maturity/ impulse control vs cruelty or violence). I wouldn't go into it lightly and they would have one chance to mess up with me.

to someone who knows him very well and told me he had a restraining order against his ex partner

I’m not trying to be pedantic and I may have got the meaning of the phrase wrong but if the order was against his ex, doesn’t that mean he applied for it to protect himself from his ex?

Could this be a misunderstanding and he didn’t do anything wrong?

My ex husbands new wife did

In my case it was severe alcohol abuse.
I had to get a restraining order and move towns and hide.
It was terrifying.
I seriously doubt the person I’m talking about has solved their problems but I don’t think it’s impossible for everyone.
I have hope for even the most hopeless people.

No it's my typing - I apologise. He 100% had a restraining order placed on him due to domestic abuse. He wasn't allowed to see/contact his ex for a year and therefore did not see his child either.

It is just the way I have typed it without thinking.

Oh yet another delightful male specimen under discussion on MN….A restraining order AND kids by two different mothers already. What a catch!

Not at all. People rarely change.

It’s not easy to get a restraining order against someone.
There is no way I’d go near anyone who has, or has had, one.
I had one to protect me from my ex. I’d advise no woman to go anywhere near him.
He’s a ticking bomb - I expect others are the same.